“Yeah.”
“You’re not excited?”
“I am.”
Her eyes narrow, scanning my face. “You don’t want to go?”
“I do.” It’s not a complete lie. I’m pumped. I know it’s going to be a great time. A bunch of bands in the middle of summer. It’ll be one big party, but I can already feel the loneliness I know is going to creep in. I always liked being home, which is shit considering playing music in the capacity we want means traveling a whole fucking lot.
“But?” she urges. “Oh, I see. It’s the girl. Olivia, right?”
I shake my head. “Nah.”Definitely.
Pacey slaps my leg. “Liar! Couples do long-distance all the time.”
“We’re not a couple.”
Her forehead wrinkles, and she frowns. “I’m confused.”
I sigh.Me too.
“We’re just…fuck, I don’t know what we are, but we’re going in different directions. She’s about to graduate from college and I’m going who the fuck knows where.”
“Well, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been around in a while, but don’t settle. You deserve the best. If you like this girl—which you clearly do—find a way to make it work. One day you’ll find someone you can’t leave behind.” She pats my cheek and heads to the guest room, which she has made hers.
Her words hit me right in the chest, gripping my rib cage like a vise. The same words our dad used to say to us. AnytimePacey would cry over a boy, which was often, he’d wait until her tears were dry and she was moving on, then say, “One day you’ll find someone you can’t leave behind.”
What he didn’t tell us was that one day that person might leave us behind instead. He’s not here now to tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do with that.
40
OLIVIA
“This is so fun.Thanks for inviting me,” Pacey says, drinking the sangria Ellie made.
“Of course. I can’t believe Penn has been hiding you this whole time!” Ellie drops a wine-soaked strawberry into her mouth.
I nervously sip my drink, observing Pacey as discreetly as possible. I didn’t think it was a good idea to have alcohol tonight, not with Pacey’s newfound sobriety, but Ellie took over. She planned the entire night, and I didn’t feel comfortable outing Pacey’s past. Pacey assured me she never had a problem with alcohol and was fine, but I don’t think Penn would appreciate it if his sister fell off the wagon after one night with Ellie and me.
“Oh! We should play a drinking game!” Ellie says, bringing the pitcher of sangria to the coffee table.
“Oh, I don’t know…” I shoot a glance at Pacey.
“That sounds fun!” Pacey looks so excited that it makes my stomach twist. Penn said she’d been isolated from her familyand friends for a while. If any of us needs a fun night to let loose, it’s her.
“Okay, never have I ever. I’ll go first.” Ellie plops down on the couch with her cup. “Better start with baby steps. Never have I ever broken a bone.” Neither Pacey nor I drinks, and Ellie nods to me. “Your turn, Liv.”
“Never have I ever failed a test.”
Ellie gives me a flat look. “Really?”
“What? I haven’t!”
Pacey drinks. “I have, multiple times. Do I take multiple drinks?”
Ellie laughs. “No, babe, just one or we’ll be crawling to our beds later. Your turn.”
Pacey taps her lip in thought. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping. But it’s on my bucket list!”
