‘I could pretend,’ she continued, watching as the colour drained from his face. ‘That I don’t feel the way I do. I know it would make life a lot easier for you but, when I walk away from this, I don’t want to walk away with things left unsaid. I don’t regret what happened between us, but Iwouldregretthat. Iwouldregret thinking that I hadn’t told you how I felt.’
Looking at her, James was aware of the cogs in his head working way below their usual optimum, whirring efficiency. His thoughts were blurry, even though he knew exactly what she was saying, just as he knew exactly how he should be reacting.
With horror. He hadn’t signed up for this. He’d signed up for a few days of fun. Uppermost in his mind, however, was one overriding thought...What’s wrong with a bit of pretence? Whoever said that honesty was always the best policy needs to have a major rethink...
‘Of course,’ he heard her continue calmly, ‘I realise that this puts us in an untenable position, so I do have a suggestion.’
‘You have a suggestion...’
How could they possibly be having this conversation here? In a bedroom? Barely dressed? Was that why he was finding it so difficult to focus? Why his thoughts were all over the place?
‘My mum knows that you’re due to leave today, that you could only pop down for an overnight stay because of work. You can get dressed and leave now, before she’s up and moving about. She takes her time in the morning. I know you’re probably going to think that I’m leaving you in the lurch workwise, but I won’t, and you have my word on that.’
‘Work hadn’t yet crossed my mind.’ James gritted his teeth.
Ellie ignored the barely audible interruption.
‘I will remain here for a few days and this time, without you around, I can begin to lay the foundations for why things won’t work out between us.’
‘Fill me in, Ellie. I’m all ears.’
‘First and foremost,’ she said slowly, ‘the hours you work. Too long. The very fact you had to dash off early in the morning because of business. I’ve worked for you, so I know how dedicated you are to your work, to the exclusion of everything else. Maybe I thought I could deal with that, but I was wrong. You go to Hawaii in a couple of days and, once you leave, I will return to the office and start sourcing my replacement.’
‘You’ll have to brace yourself for the wagging tongues...’
‘I know,’ Ellie told him quietly. ‘But I will, because I intend to take responsibility for this, and not cower and hide away. When everything first blew up, I literally felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights, but that’s not me.’
‘No. It’s not.’
‘I’ve faced up to this situation, faced up to the fact that I made a terrible mistake in falling for you. But I guess...’ she smiled wistfully ‘...that’s something you’re used to.’
She paused and aired the thought that had earlier crossed her mind. ‘Poor Naomi was guilty of the same breach of the rules, but you don’t have to worry that there will be any “kiss and tell”revelations. I intend to stay below the radar and, if anyone decides to camp out on the doorstep, then they’ll be treated to such a diet of “no comment”that they’ll give up in boredom.’
Accustomed as he was to taking complete charge of any situation involving women, James stared at her for a few silent seconds, digesting what she had just said.
She had spared him the discomfort of having to end things and he decided that he was grateful for that reprieve. Naturally, he would have had to sever all ties in the end, despite his initial suggestion that they let what they had play out until it had reached a natural conclusion. He didn’t do emotional commitment and she had always known that.
Where she had lived with the calamitous effects of what happened when love didn’t work out the way you expected it to, she had still clung to the romance of falling in love, to relationships that stayed the course, sailing towards happy-ever-after endings. Perhaps because, unlike his parents, hers had been devoted to her. For him, unheard and barely visible to both his parents, love equalled pain. So, while she still had faith in its existence, he had none. That was just the way it was.
She had read the situation perfectly. It was a relief, he determined. Now was his cue to take his leave, yet he remained pinned to the spot, frowning, then finally said, ‘Forget about the replacement or coming into the office and facing down whatever gossip is sure to be circulating.’
He thought of her discomfort, of her putting on a brave face and battling through it, head down, betraying nothing of her inner turmoil. His brilliant PA would be back in place, calm and unflappable, though this time in the face of a nightmarish twist of fate.
She’d been right when she’d said that she had reacted emotionally to the sudden onslaught of paparazzi and their vulture-like curiosity. She would have done, he thought, because she wasn’t battle-hardened as he was.
She was also head over heels in love with him and that wouldn’t have helped matters...
He thought back to those amazing eyes lazy on him, intent veiled... He thought of the slow, low murmurs as she’d moved under his exploring hands...the feathery whisper of her fingers trailing along his body, touching him in a way that had never failed to set his body ablaze with an insane craving... It shook him.
‘Take as long as you want when it comes to letting your mother down gently.’ He took the lead from her but his voice was unsteady as he killed wayward thoughts and focused on moving forward. Habits of a lifetime took over. When it came to women, moving forward was what he did.
‘I can make a list of potential candidates to replace me,’ Ellie said stiffly.
He was relieved that she was walking away. He couldn’t wait to be rid of her now that she had told him how she felt.
Under her stony expression, her heart was breaking in two, but she would not regret the confession that had left her lips. It was called walking away with a clean slate. Unfortunately, the clean slate opened up the reality that she would have to find another job, and the chances of it being as well paid, not to mention satisfying, were slim.
‘No need.’ He began moving off, gathering belongings and chucking them into the hold-all he had brought with him.
