And suddenly she realised that returning to work and pretending that nothing had happened while she hunted around for another job wasn’t going to do. Nor would she be able to return to work while trying to masquerade as the perfect PA she’d used to be, keeping her emotions in check while she was in front of her computer and at her desk, simmering in anticipation until they could sneak out, at separate times, to reunite in a blaze of passion somewhere.
It all felt overwhelming and seedy, and she was terrified of being tempted into a situation that would end up destroying her.
How easy it would be to mentally shut the door behind which the inevitable would be waiting for her. How easy it had been to jump into bed with him in the first place and then to stay there, living in an unreal bubble which she had known all along was going to burst. How easy it had been to kid herself that everything would be fine because she couldn’t possibly fall in love with someone like James Stowe.
‘How long do you think it would last?’ she asked, her voice curious and conversational ‘You know...the sleeping together...until the inevitable happens?’
Taken aback, he was silent for a few seconds, frowning and then giving her question bemused house room.
‘How long is a piece of string?’ he said eventually, and shrugged. ‘Does it matter? It’s not something we can put a timeline on...’
‘No, I don’t suppose it would be,’ Ellie intoned coolly.
‘We tried the timeline before,’ he dismissed impatiently, ‘and it didn’t work. Why bother trying to pin things down this time round?’
‘Why indeed?’
‘What’s going on here?’ He looked at her, eyes narrowed, trying to get inside her head. She could see that, could sense it, could sense his growing bewilderment that the plan he had decided upon was not quite going in the direction he had anticipated.
‘Us carrying on? It’s not going to happen, James.’
‘Your reason being...?’ He smiled slowly, eyes darkening, and she fought to combat the swirl of hot sensation that slow smile so effortlessly unleashed inside her.
‘You’re right when you say that I didn’t expect...what happened between us to happen.’ Ellie inhaled deeply and stared down at a dizzying abyss yawning open beneath her.
‘Neither of us did, believe me...’
‘I have always been serious when it comes to guys and relationships. I said as much to you.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Which is probably why I have so little experience.’
‘When did you ever have time for relationships? You were responsible from a young age for the well-being of your mother.’
Ellie ignored the genuine empathy in his voice because that was just what had got her into hot water in the first place. His easy ability to empathise...a personality that was tuned in to those around him in ways that were instinctive and seductive.
He didn’t have women running around behind him, weeping and wailing when things crashed and burned, because he was rich and good-looking. His charms lay way beyond those narrow parameters and she had been short sighted not to have clocked that earlier on, when her heart had still been intact.
‘I guess,’ she said, ‘I absorbed how close my parents were, and knew deep down that that was the sort of relationship I wanted for myself. I wasn’t brought up to indulge in wild flings and one-night stands but, James, that’s pretty much what happened, isn’t it?’
‘It was certainly wild, but a one-night stand it most definitely wasn’t.’
‘I thought I would be able to enjoy what we had, and walk away from it with only a bit of a dusting down necessary before everything returned to normal, but I was wrong.’
‘What do you mean?’
There was a guarded edge to his voice that Ellie couldn’t miss.
‘I should have asked myself how it was that it turned out being so easy to just fall into bed with you.’
‘Sometimes, when the atmosphere is just right...’ A sudden wicked grin chased away the wariness that had been there before. ‘Hot sun...white sand...blue sea... It’s a recipe for sex between two consenting adults who’re attracted to one another.’
‘James, I never thought I could fall for a guy like you, but I did.’
Ellie watched as the lingering smile on his face disappeared. Comprehension followed swiftly. He was adding up and making sense of all those things that should have been a giveaway but which he had ignored, missed or misinterpreted.
‘I don’t get what you’re trying to say.’
‘You do, James,’ Ellie told him gently.
She wondered whether he was thinking that this wasa Naomi momentall over again. Another romp in the hay with someone he’d assumed was as casual as he was. She almost felt sorry for him.
