“He didn’t know that piece, but I knew it was only a matter of time. I needed to find you and I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t tell him we were a couple, because we technically weren’t at that point, but he could see my feelings for you before we ever entered that apartment.”
“Ethan—”
“Please, let me talk.”
She pursed her lips and nodded.
He looked down at her hand, his thumb brushing over the back of it gently, reverently. “I’m a big fucking idiot.”
She blinked, unsure if she’d heard him correctly.
He locked eyes with her. “Yes, a big fucking idiot. I’m sorry, so sorry. I had it all wrong. Had you all wrong.”
Oh God. Here it was. This was it. Whatever would happen between them hinged on his next words. She steeled herself for bad news, building up those walls that he’d broken down over two years. One by one, each brick went up, and the tower around her grew.
“I love you. I never stopped loving you. I was an idiot on our last mission together, on several of our missions together. A colossal motherfucking bastard. You were just doing your job. You weren’t cheating on me, you weren’t doing anything except your job. It was unfair of me to say otherwise. All those months ago, you had asked me if I could accept it, and I thought I’d convinced myself that I could. But now…”
While he paused, she thought of every awful thing he could say.
I don’t love you…
You don’t deserve love…
I could never love you…
Oh God.
No. No! She cut off her thoughts before they could root. She wouldn’t be this weak person thinking herself unworthy. Because she was fucking worthy.
She deserved love. She deserved the kind of love that recognizedherand who she was and didn’t try to change her. Ethan had told her long ago that he loved her. Unlike the fickle and shallow ‘love’ from her fans, despite everything she and Ethan had been through, this love was real. She’d waited years to hear those words from someone who knew the real her. She’d waited so long that she’d started to worry that she wasn’t worthy of love, that the loss of her family so young had broken her in such a fundamental way that she’d never be whole.
She forced in a breath and faced facts. Yes, she wanted to be with him, but she didn’t need him to feel worthy of love. She knew she was worthy and didn’t need him to validate that feeling. She wanted a life with him—a life of love with him—but not at the cost of who she was.
In a big way, he’d helped her see that her past didn’t make her irrevocably broken. For that alone, she could never regret their time together, no matter how much his words might hurt her now.
Ethan took a deep breath. “Now I realize that I can never live without you. That I adore you. You’ve never asked me for anything but acceptance of who you are and what you want and what you’ve done. I became an agent partly because I wanted to be closer to you, but you never demanded I do it. You never demand anything from me, and I’m not used to that. I’m so used to people using me for their specific needs or purposes that I didn’t hear what you werereallyasking for, even though you said it out loud. I’m sorry for not hearing you. I love you, and I accept who you are, and I do trust you.”
Holy motherfucking Christ.
He was saying everything she’d wanted him to say, but he’d said it before, too, hadn’t he? How could she trust him to mean it now when he didn’t mean it then? “I don’t understand. What exactly are you saying? You want us to be together?”
He finally let go of her hand and cupped her face. When he spoke, his voice cracked and was full of emotion. “Yes. I adore you, Anda Salamanca. You’re it for me. I love you. Whatever else you need from me going forward, whether that’s to help you take down Envision, or whether it’s to stand back because you want to do it on your own, I’ll be there for you.”
Mention of Envision had her deflating like a balloon. “Who do you want, Ethan? No matter what else, you’re a prince at the end of the day. Am I the woman you can have on your arm? If I’m an actress fake-fucking other men on screen, what are you going to do? If it’s the exciting agent you’re looking for, I’m not that woman anymore either.”
“First of all, be whoever you want. I’ll be proud to have you on my arm whether it’s as the actress, as the agent, or something else. Your jobs don’t matter.Youmatter. Second, you have your job back.”
“What?”
“Marcello and I…talked. Actually, I punched him in the face, then we talked.”
Holy shit! Not that Marcello didn’t deserve it. If she were up to it physically, she’d probably want to punch his fucking face, too.
“I reminded him how amazing you are, and he realized what a fool he’d be to let you walk away. I told him I knew what I was talking about because I was an asshole who walked away from you and he should learn from my mistake. If you want your job back, it’s yours.”
That meant she could continue her work with Envision. But… “What about you? Are you still an agent?”
He squeezed her hand, then relaxed. “Technically, yes. Marcello checked me out, spoke to the Elites. He agreed I know what I’m doing and that I’m not a kid anymore. I became an agent partly because I wanted more respect from my family, to prove to them I deserve respect, and I finally have it. But, after speaking with Marcello, I realize that I’m stronger and a better man with you around. I…I’d like to be your partner again.”
