Danika knows I can’t resist keeping my hand in. I’m nota sit in my ivory towerboss. I’m morehands on, get down and dirtywith the team.
“I sent the outline across yesterday afternoon,” I say, dropping into my chair and spinning around.
It feels good to be back where I belong.
“I know,” she says, grinning at me. “The team are loving it. It’s been the talk of the office. I don’t think I’ve seen them this eager since—ever.”
She pulls out her tablet before handing over the office chat.
I smile at some of the comments that are being left.
“Not as much as I’ve had in creating it,” I tell her.
Danika shakes her head. “You seem to have found your mojo.”
I nod in agreement. “I think I have.”
She grins. “Pen Dawson is back. It’s good to see,” she tells me, putting her tablet down and pulling me up and in for a hug. “I was worried we’d lost you for a while.”
I know what she’s referring to. When I accepted Kris’s offer, I went all in. Handing things over, switching my focus from my current life to what I saw as my future life. Planning for a family, taking a step back, and handing over the reins. It’s why the past few weeks have been about me resetting, getting my head screwed back on. I’m an all-or-nothing girl. When I make a decision, I’m all in. Even if it’s not for the best.
I now see the path I was heading down with Kris would have been great but not fulfilling. I was opening an office in the US, but it would never have been the same. Now I’ve been with Elijah. It’s clear what Kris meant and why he sent me back. Wearefriends but nothing more and now I have tasted the forbidden fruit, I’ll struggle to go back to plain apples. In the morning’s light, my heart breaks for him. If he had a fraction of what I had with Elijah last night, with Annie, I’m not sure how he’s survived without her.
My heart stops, and I draw in a breath.
“Are you all right?”
I plaster a fake smile on my face, making Danika frown.
“I’m fine, honestly. I just had a thought about the game,” I lie.
Danika stares at me but doesn’t call me out. One reason we’re friends.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it.”
She grabs her things.
“We’ll grab a coffee later,” I call after her as she heads out the door.
She spins with a wide grin.
“Definitely.”
I walk to the glass window of my corner office and look down over the bustling city beneath me.
I press my thumb and forefinger onto the bridge of my nose.
Kris and I were friends. Elijah and I are friends. But sex with Elijah was nothing like with Kris. With Kris it was satisfying, butwith Elijah, my knees turn to jelly just thinking about how it felt to be with him.
But there were no promises, no potential future. He’s asked me for more, and there’s no way I can turn him down. His recent escape from a loveless marriage and his past sacrifices to meet family expectations have left their mark. He’s already given up so much of himself. Not that Robert or Franny ever asked that of him or any of their children. But for Elijah, being the oldest, I know he always held back some of himself for fear of fucking up and letting everyone down.
While me, Iamthe fuck up, always have been. My illegal past means there’s no actual future for us. I promised Robert all those years ago when he saved my ass from jail time, that I would stay away from Elijah’s business. And I have no intention of breaking that promise. I won’t destroy him, not when it’s the only thing he walked out of his marriage with.
A long-term relationship with Elijah is out of the question. Not that he’s asked me. We talked about more sex and that I can definitely be on board with. Anything more, however, is impossible. My past has once again seen to that. Elijah wants to concentrate on Lottie, and I understand that. His beautiful little girl has been through such a lot in her lifetime. I may not have had a father in my life. Mine having abandoned my mum before I was born, but Lottie has two parents who have struggled to be in the same room as one another for most of her life. Why they didn’t divorce years ago, have continued to torture each other, I’ll never know. But I understand Elijah wants to make that right.
I rest my forehead against the glass. Friends with benefits works. The world knows we’re friends and have been for years. I’m photographed with Gabriel and Kat regularly. Being seen eating with Elijah will be no different. As for settling down and starting a family. Now I’ve tasted Elijah Frazer. There’s no wayI can look elsewhere, not until we’ve extinguished the fire that’s raging between us.
As for my picket fence dream and a brood of children, I think fate has other plans for me. Darra and Elijah had no more children, and with a grown-up daughter, I can’t imagine he would want to start again. Not that I’ve asked him. One night of passion does not equal -Will you father my babies?When Kris sent me back, I accepted that, at least for now. Children are not part of my immediate future, and I must come to terms with that, if I want to be with Elijah. And of that, I’m in no doubt.
