Lili blushed. ‘Yes, they are.’
‘You’re newlyweds, aren’t you?’
Lili nodded. The older son was now attending to one of the younger children and something about his easy tenderness and tactility plucked at her insides, because it was a dream she’d always had, of a loving family, that she hadn’t witnessed.
To avoid any more personal questions Lili observed, ‘You’re English?’
Alicia nodded and took a sip of wine. ‘I can’t seem to get rid of my accent no matter how much I try and my husband insists on speaking English to me. Mostly to annoy the kids into learning so they can understand what we’re saying.’
Lili laughed. ‘That’s one way of doing it.’ Then she said a little shyly, ‘I love your style.’
Alicia’s eyes widened comically. ‘Oh believe me, this is after years of trying to keep up with innate Italian style. I now stick to some core basics and that’s it. But if you ever want someone to go shopping with give me a call. I loathe shopping but I love making new friends and drinking coffee.’
Lili smiled again. Food was ordered and eaten. Lili had a little wine, mindful of driving. She couldn’t help stealing little glances at Cassian and once or twice their eyes met, sending little electrical charges into Lili’s blood.
And then she felt her dress being tugged and looked down to see the smallest child, Olli, looking up at her with such an adorable and cherubic expression that she couldn’t help but reach for him. He came willingly and sat easily on her lap.
Alicia immediately said, ‘Oh no, you don’t have to hold him, he’s covered in chocolate sauce.’
‘It’s fine.’ Lili smiled, relishing the heavy weight of the child. This was a revelation because as much as she knew she wanted a child, she’d always harboured a doubt that when it came to it, she might not be able to get over her fear of being touched but this felt like the easiest thing in the world. He was no threat to her.
The trust that the child had, to come to her and let her hold him, humbled her too. She felt emotional.
‘Are you okay?’ Alicia asked.
Lili nodded and blinked furiously. ‘Fine, just something in my eye.’
There was a lull at the table and then Alicia’s husband looked from Lili to Cassian and said, ‘I assume you both know that there is a clamour of interest in knowing more about the new mysterious Signora Corti?’
Lili looked at Cassian, alarmed. Was there? He avoided her eye and said, ‘Well, I’m sure they’ll soon lose interest.’
‘You know how they can be if they sense a story… I’d be careful. Maybe a couple of appearances just to curb the interest might be no harm. After all, your new wife is utterly charming, Cassian, it’s a crime to hide her away.’
Lili squirmed and as if sensing her discomfort the child, Olli, reached out for his mother who took him onto her lap. Cassian looked at her and she tried to communicate,sorry for not being more normal, with her eyes.
He just said easily, ‘Maybe I just don’t want to share her with the world yet.’
Dante laughed. ‘Well, my friend, I can understand that. Enjoy it while it lasts because I have a feeling the world will come knocking.’
The dinner broke up soon after that. Olli the toddler was getting tetchy. They said their goodbyes and Lili was genuinely sad to see them go. The older boy took Olli in his arms as they left and Dante and Alicia had arms wrapped around one another. Lili saw them steal a kiss as the kids went ahead and felt another disturbing lurch of emotion bordering on envy.
‘Do you want anything else?’ Cassian asked as he came and took the seat to Lili’s left.
She shook her head. ‘No, I’m full. Your friends are really nice.’
He nodded. ‘They are. Dante became a friend once I came of age and whenever I was at the villa he’d insist on taking me out or I’d go over to visit them. They’re good people and very loyal.’
‘They seem like a genuinely happy family too. Close.’
‘I guess.’ Cassian’s voice was a little clipped. He avoided her eye.
‘What do you mean,you guess?It’s obvious they’re a really solid unit—’ She broke off suddenly as something occurred to her and she cursed herself silently. ‘I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. They must be a reminder of what you lost.’ And what she’d never experienced.
A bleak expression crossed Cassian’s face. ‘I won’t lie. I like spending time with them but each time I do, I feel nothing but terror.’ He looked at her. ‘Don’t they realise how much they have to lose?’
Lili’s chest ached a little. There was no reason why he couldn’t have what his friends had but she could understand even more now why he would choose a scenario with a child that put him at a distance.
Lili had to remind herself that she’d been perfectly happy at the thought of being a lone parent with a child. And now…what?she asked herself. Now she wanted more than that? That thought was so disturbing and provocative she changed the subject. ‘Do you think it’s true about there being speculation about…me?’ The thought of people she didn’t know wondering about her made Lili’s skin crawl a little. She imagined thousands of hands reaching out trying to touch her.
