‘Come in.’
Lili pushed open the office door and tried to embody more of a sense of being entitled but it felt very alien to her. Cassian was behind the desk, hair messy as if he’d been running his hands through it.
He looked up. ‘Come in, sit down, Dr Lombardo is going to call any—’ he broke off when his phone rang as if on cue. He put his cell phone on speaker and answered, telling the doctor that he was with his wife. That sent an illicit thrill through Lili.
Lili sat down and leaned towards the desk, greeting the doctor. After some pleasantries had been exchanged, the doctor—a no-nonsense warm woman that Lili had liked—said, ‘I have both of your results here and everything is showing me a healthy, fertile couple. Lili, your tests and the timing of your last period show that you should be ovulating around now, or very soon.’
Lili blushed at that intimate information. She did a quick mental calculation and figured the doctor would be correct. ‘Okay,’ she said, avoiding Cassian’s eye.
The doctor went on. ‘I know you want to go the IVF route and it’s not my business to ask why, but I can’t emphasise enough how much more beneficial it would be to try and conceive naturally. Not to mention infinitely cheaper. All of the signs are there to indicate that you have every chance of being successful and if it doesn’t happen then of course we can talk again.’
She continued after a moment, ‘You’re welcome to go to another fertility specialist if you don’t like to hear what I am saying, but when I have two young people come to me in perfect health and with no signs of having difficulty, I cannot in all conscience advise IVF. It can be an arduous process and time consuming. There is no guarantee of success even with all of your healthy indicators.’
She went on. ‘So what I am advising is that you talk about it for at least twenty-four hours, and then if you want to proceed with my clinic we can of course help you. But I have to let you know that right now, is an optimum time to conceive naturally.’
Lili reluctantly looked at Cassian. His eyes were dark grey. Unreadable. A strange twisting sensation was making her belly tight. And her skin prickle. He said, ‘Thank you, Doctor, for your time, we appreciate your advice and we’ll be in touch.’ He terminated the call.
Lili couldn’t sit still. Something was fluttering inside her, and she wasn’t sure if it was panic or that excitement. But it couldn’t be excitement because there was no way—she stood up from the chair and went over to the window, arms tight around herself.
‘Lili?’
She bit her lip and turned around. Cassian was leaning forward in his chair, hands loosely clasped between his legs.
He said carefully, ‘We don’t have to do as she is suggesting. We can continue with the plan.’
Guilt and shame knotted inside Lili’s chest. This was onher. ‘You heard what she said. It would obviously be better if we could do this…naturally.’
‘But that’s clearly a problem…you’re as white as a ghost.’ He stood up and came over to her but Lili instinctively backed away. He held up his hands. ‘I’m not going to touch you. But you look as if you’re about to faint, please, sit down.’
Lili went back over and sat down. She could feel her breath becoming shallower and forced herself to take deeper breaths. Cassian went over to a cabinet and poured a dark golden drink into a glass. He brought it over to her. ‘Whiskey, take a little, you’ll feel better.’
Lili took the glass and watched as he went back to the cabinet and poured himself a drink. He lifted his glass towards her and said, ‘Saluti.’
She faintly echoed his cheers and took a sip, wincing as the liquid burnt its way down her throat and into her chest. But he was right, it sent out a warm, comforting glow, immediately making her feel less on edge.
Now he went over to the window and looked at her. He said, ‘Can I ask you a direct question?’
Lili swallowed another gulp of whiskey and then nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘Do you find me attractive?’
Lili nearly choked even though she’d swallowed the drink. She felt like laughing and almost put a hand to her mouth to stop a slightly hysterical giggle coming out. When she felt she could speak she said, ‘You must know how attractive you are.’
His mouth quirked. ‘Flattering but not what I asked. I asked ifyouwere attracted to me.’
Now Lili wanted to scowl. Instead she thought of the best way of defusing this line of conversation. She asked, ‘Are you attracted to me?’ Because of course he was going to say—
‘Yes, I am.’
Lili nearly dropped the glass from between her fingers and had to grip it. She stared at Cassian. ‘Did you just say…?’
‘That I find you attractive? Yes I did. Distractingly so. Ever since we met, I think, but more so since I saw you emerge from the pool that night. For some reason you are hiding the body of a bombshell under those shapeless clothes and the more I see them the more I want to put them on a bonfire.’
Now Lili felt agitated. She stood up and went behind the chair as if that could afford some kind of protection from what he was saying. A suspicion occurred to her. ‘You’re just saying that because you agree with the doctor and want to convince me that conceiving naturally will be quicker and easier.’
‘Believe me, if I didn’t want you, I would not sleep with you.’
Of course not. Because he probably had a mistress waiting for him in Milan. Or Rome. Or Paris. Lili shook her head. ‘Why are you saying this?’
