I pause, setting aside my packing and settling on the bed to really listen. Takira’s the best friend I have in the world. I’m used to her swagger, her unfaltering confidence, but I’m glad she’s trusting me with this, too.
“I just…” Takira stops and starts again. “… wanted some connection, I guess. Beyond the dick, I wanted to feel wanted and needed and all the things we dream about feeling, but don’t get enough.”
“I’m sorry it was such a letdown.”
“To be expected. You don’t walk in a bar, flirt with a frog, and think he’ll be a prince by the time you get him home. Though, after that fourth shot, hedidstart looking like royalty.”
She sounds more like herself, and we laugh, but I want to make sure she’s alright. “T, if you need—”
“I said I didn’t call to talk about me and I meant it. Now, is our esteemed director on his way?”
“Yeah.” Reminded of the time, I scoot off the bed and get back to packing. “He’ll be here soon. And don’t forget, deep vault on this one. We aren’t ready to go public until after the movie wraps. I mean, if there is a public to go after this. Who knows? We could have a bad Yelp review, too.”
“Not likely. Canon has some serious big dick energy, and I have no doubt he’ll back it up.”
I actually don’t either. Based on the chemistry we’ve had so far, I think we’ll be fine in bed.
Correction.
I think we’ll befirein bed.
He’s worried about the movie. What people will think, how they’ll see me if they find out I slept with my director. I’m worried more about my heart. I’ve never met anyone like Canon, never felt anything like this. I know sex will only deepen this connection.
He thinks I can’t afford the press. What Ican’tafford is heartbreak. Affairs like this in Hollywood don’t exactly have the best track record, and he may be used to negotiating relationships like contracts, dealing with the fallout of a breakup in a public forum like he had to with Camille, but I’m not.
I suspect Camille lashed out because she lost him. If she hadn’t been hurt, if her emotions hadn’t been so invested, she wouldn’t have sabotaged her movie that way. She got Canon fired and a movie that could have been great failed. Was it worth it? Was it just her wounded pride? I would never behave that way, but will I feel those things if Canon and I take this step and it doesn’t work out? We still have two months of shooting left. This is my first big break.
Is thiswise?
These questions circle the drain in my head, over and over, but I keep coming back to a resounding YES.
“Are you there?” Takira nearly shouts. “I mentioned Canon’s big dick energy and you got mighty quiet. You better not be fantasizing about him with me on the phone. That’s creepy as hell.”
“Shut up.” I laugh. “No, I just… it’s a big step. You see how he is on set with me. Like he barely knows I’m alive.”
“Real talk? I see a man who doesn’t know what to do with what he’s feeling. That night at the Halloween party, I saw you on the balcony with him. Saw himlaughing. This is Canon we’re talking about, whose smiles occur about as frequently as solar eclipses. I saw the way he looked at you. It’s so obvious to me he’s feeling you. I don’t know how everyonedoesn’tsee it. I don’t know how you don’t.”
“I do. It just feels like a mirage sometimes. One minute it’s there and it’s clear, but after a few days of silence and no contact, it wavers. It disappears.”
“Canon did not get where he is playing games on set and jeopardizing his paper. He is famous for his work ethic. For his obsessive focus. The fact that he’s breaking that, even for a few days withyou, tells me all I need to know.”
“You think so?”
“Oh, me know so, guhl,” she says, slipping effortlessly into the islands. “Now, let’s talk logistics. You got condoms? Never rely on men, who barely remember to wash their hands after they pee, to handleyourprotection.”
I stuff the shiny gold squares in my overnight bag. “Got ’em.”
“Brazilian?”
“Waxed yesterday.”
“Lube?”
“Yep.”
“Star pupil,” she says. “Okay. I guess you’re set.”
“I need to go. Warmest regards,” I tell her, tapping into ourSchitt’s Creekvernacular.
