Sam to the Rescue

My wife is a certified, notarized, danger magnet.

So, when she bought me a gun club membership to a place formerly known as the Circus Clown Pizza Palace, I knew trouble was brewing.
First off, the ladies’ room was locked so she broke in. Secondly, she finds a barrel marked detergents, thinks it is suspicious, and sends a sample to the FBI. Well of course, it’s ammonium nitrate and now the Feds decide I’m the man to go undercover and stop a plot more deadly than the Oklahoma City bombing.
What am I supposed to say? Sorry, no can do. I’m having PTSD attacks?
Will Suds’ past catch up with him? Will they ever get a real door? Will baby Mikey learn to say Momma? Can Sam shoot with her left hand and save the day?