She tried to eat the biscuits slowly and kept the apple until later. She ate every bit, pips and all, but now she is starving, her stomach aching. In a way, she relishes the sensation. At least it proves she is still alive. At one time in the night– if it was night, everything is night here– she wondered if she wasn’t already dead. Opening her eyes didn’t help at all. She ended up pinching her arm until the pain made her believe that she was alive. But now, she wonders again. Is she in the afterlife? If so, she has definitely taken the turning with the goats and the sinners and is in The Bad Place.
Will he come and feed her again? If not, then she will certainly die, hungry and alone. She thinks of that story, The Grey Lady. She starved to death but, before the end, she had been so desperate that she had started to eat her dead parents. Without warning, she is retching. There’s nothing much to throw up but, afterwards, as she is kneeling on the stone floor, she thinks: This is the lowest point in my life.
And then the grille opens.
Judy is expecting Nelson’s call. She’s only surprised that it took him until ten thirty to ring. There’s no change, she tells him. Cathbad has been ‘intubated’, whatever that means. In the words of the ICU nurse, ‘he’s critical but stable’.
‘Stable must be good, surely?’ says Nelson.
‘I don’t know,’ says Judy. ‘I don’t know anything any more.’
She can sense Nelson’s frustration from the other end of the phone. He wants to do something, to drive to the hospital and make Cathbad better. But there’s nothing anyone can do. Judy can’t even go and sit at her partner’s bedside. She thinks of Little Nell, of Beth dying inLittle Women. Even these Victorian tearjerkers could not imagine a time when people had to suffer and die alone.
‘He’ll pull through,’ says Nelson. ‘He’s tough.’
‘So everyone keeps saying,’ says Judy.
‘Do you remember when he went into the dream world to rescue me when I was ill?’
‘He said that’s what he did,’ says Judy. As she remembers it, Nelson has always dismissed this story as ‘utter bollocks’.
‘I saw him,’ says Nelson now. ‘I saw him when I was in a coma. And Erik too. I’ve never told Cathbad that. We talked about murmuration.’
The world has gone mad, thinks Judy. Cathbad is dying and the boss has turned into Mystic Meg.
‘Trust to the flow,’ says Nelson. ‘That’s what he told me. He’ll be OK. I’m sure of it.’ Then, with an abrupt change of gear, ‘Zoe Hilton didn’t come home last night. She’s not at work either. I went to the surgery this morning.’
How does he know Zoe didn’t come home last night? thinks Judy.
‘Did they know at the surgery?’ she says. ‘That Zoe was Dawn Stainton?’
‘Yes,’ says Nelson. ‘She was very straight with them apparently. I spoke to Dr Patel.’
‘Rita? I like her. She comes to Cathbad’s yoga classes.’
‘She sent her best to him,’ says Nelson. ‘And to you.’
‘That’s nice of her,’ says Judy. ‘But if Dawn– Zoe– was innocent and they know all about it at the surgery, she’s not really a person of interest, is she?’
‘I don’t know,’ says Nelson. ‘Turns out that she knew Avril Flowers. She went to the same slimming class. You were right about that.’
Despite everything, Judy feels a faint glow of satisfaction. ‘And you’ve no idea where Zoe is now?’ she says.
‘No. She seems to have disappeared. Joe McMahon too. Although apparently he popped up in Tombland at the weekend.’
‘What was he doing there?’
‘God only knows,’ says Nelson. ‘But you don’t need to worry about any of this. Concentrate on Cathbad and your family. Let me know if there’s any news.’
That’s easy to say, thinks Judy, putting down her phone. She can hear Maddie and the children downstairs. She knows that she should go to them. But instead she opens her file on the Avril Flowers case.
Nelson drives back to the station, feeling disturbed on many levels. He’s worried about Cathbad. Much as he believes in the druid’s powers of survival, it’s no joke being in ICU during a pandemic. He wishes there was something he could do for Judy. Last time she had a crisis, when Michael went missing, the team had rallied round immediately. They had rushed to her side, not that they had received much gratitude for it at the time, and had worked night and day to find the kidnapper. Now Nelson can’t drop in on Judy to give her an awkward hug and promise his support. The team can’t career around the countryside solving crimes. Judy can’t even visit Cathbad in hospital. All they can do is wait and waiting is not something that comes easily to Nelson.
He’s concerned about Zoe too. She might have been found innocent of murder, but he doesn’t want a person with such a chequered past living next door to Ruth and Katie. The two women have become quite friendly too. And is there some sinister explanation for Zoe’s disappearance? At the very least, it seems out of character. Her employers were expecting her to be in work today and she hadn’t left instructions for feeding her cat. At the thought of Ruth and Katie going into the empty house next door, Nelson grinds his teeth again. He wishes that he could keep everyone he loves safe and under his eye but, even in lockdown, this is proving impossible.
And, finally, he’s still worried about Leah. Should he call her at home, just to check that she’s OK? Or would that seem bullying, as if he’s insisting that she come to work even if she’s ill? He wishes Judy was there to do it for him. But it’s Tanya’s day and, whilst his DS has many sterling qualities, empathy is not one of them.
Tanya is still working on the suicide cases. In his office, Nelson googles ‘Zoe Hilton’. There’s not much. She has a Facebook page but it’s mostly pictures of that mutant cat. He tries ‘Dawn Stainton’ and the headlines spring up.
