Great, two men who can’t stand to be late.
“If you want to talk, I’ll meet you at Beach Place for drinks around seven. If you don’t… I’ll be there, anyway.” He walks away, pulls out his syllabus, and goes back to his work, not paying me another bit of attention. But I hear it, the change in his voice, the crackle in his tone, and the loud eerie sound from his watch. Tick. Tick. Tick.
I spend the afternoon in a fog of questions as I finish the rest of my classes and wait for Ryan to pick me up. He’s bright eyed and bushy tailed as usual and I’m on the verge of tears again. So, you know, the usual. Besides, I’m not one hundred percent sure how to tell him that I have to leave in an hour to go meet my professor, the one who’s stalking me.
“Hey,” I say, bending down to get into the car. Ryan has already picked up the pizza, the fresh scent of basil fills the space. He even stopped at my favorite shop, Leonardo’s. They have a thin crust that’s nearly identical to a place I love in New York City. My parents used to make yearly trips up north to visit extended family and the pizza shop was always the first place we stopped.
“I’m starving to death and I’ve been looking forward to chilling with you all day.”
He reaches his hand over and places it on my knee, squeezing it gently. “How was your first day?” He flicks on the blinker and pulls out of the parking lot, circling around toward the main road.
“It was weird. Really, really weird. The bar guy, the watch guy, the maybe murderer guy… he’s my professor.”
Ryan glances toward me, his face turning pale. “You’re fucking kidding?”
“Nope. What about you?”
“No, no, no… you can’t do that. Tell me what he said to you?”
I glance toward him, running my hand over his. “You mind if I hear about your day first? I need to process mine a little more before I talk about it.”
He nods and squeezes my hand, even though I know how badly he wants me to keep talking. “Well, It looks like I’m going to get that programming promotion. My boss told me today that he’s holding a spot open for me. I just need to finish a training session and I’m in. It means a lot more money so I’m thinking by this time next year I’ll be able to get that place on the beach we’ve been talking about.”
There is theweagain. TheweI know he wishes we were. TheweI wish we were sometimes. Thewethat most likely can’t be because I’m a broken idiot, but I’m not going to ruin his good news with that bullshit.
“That’s great,” I say. “We should celebrate. I do have a small meeting I have to attend at seven, but I’ll be back by nine and we can—”
“Meeting?”
I’ve never been a liar, but I know if I tell him where, he’s going to try to stop me and I’m not sure I want to be stopped. Then again, we’re so close I know I’ll need someone to talk about this whole thing with afterward.
“It’s weird,” I say. “Actually,complicatedis probably a better word. It’s complicated.”
He pulls into the apartment complex and shuts the engine off on the car. We get out and he grabs the pizza from the back seat.
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m always doing this. I’m always making things about me. You have this great promotion, you have all these fun things happening for you, and I’m dousing it all with my shit. It’s not fair. You deserve a night that’s about you.”
We walk in silence up to the apartment, his computer bag flung over his arm, the pizza box steadied on the same hand, as I hold my books against my chest. Maybe he finally sees what I’ve been trying to tell him. Maybe he sees that I’m the fuck up I really am, and this is the part where he checks out.
I slide the key into the apartment door and twist the knob, setting my books down on the counter. He still hasn’t said a word. Maybe I should say something, he’s usually not this quiet.
I look toward him, and he looks at me, his gaze soft and welcoming as he pulls me into his arms just close enough that his lips touch my forehead. He’s kissed me like this a thousand times over the past three years, held me against his chest, but this feels different. This sends that tingling ache over top my body and down through my toes.
I look up at him, studying his gaze, trying to figure what he’s about to say, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he leans in slowly and kisses my lips. This has never happened.
His hand wanders to the back of my neck and he grips me tight, cradling my head as his tongue massages mine with possessiveness. Eventually, he softens to a gentle touch and sweeps his kiss onto my neck, his forehead leaned against mine.
I’ve never been kissed so sweetly. It’s comforting and pure, like a world I want to get lost in, like a blanket of honesty that I need draped over me for life.
“I’m sorry,” he says in a stage whisper. “This shit just keeps bubbling up today.” He slides the back of his hand down over my face. “Earlier, what you said… you’re not a burden. You’re my best friend. You’re everything. And I know you’re not ready for all this, but I want you to know… when you are… I am. I’m here, and in the meantime, I want to know everything, Everleigh. I want to know it all. Don’t hold back, not for one second. Whatever you have to say is okay.”
I draw a breath in, my head spinning as a tear peeks from the corner of my eye. “The professor, he mentioned how beautiful I was, then saidI can see why he liked you.”
