Prologue
I’madeadman.Griff is going to kill me when I show up on his doorstep. Swallowing hard, I try to ignore the burning in my chest while I drive through Boston to get to his townhome. I hate myself for offering to bring Haley’s clothes to her, hate myself for hurting Griff, and hate everything about the last month that has caused both of us so much heartbreak. Most of all, I hate that I’m a lying sack of shit. A coward, too afraid to come clean with the people that I love.
All of this could have been prevented if I’d just been honest with myself and done what Griff wanted of me. Instead, I’m knee-deep in a pile of shit, no shovel in sight. “Fuck.” I slam my hand against the wheel of the Tahoe, then exhale a deep breath. “Get it together, Paddy,” I mumble, running the same hand through my hair.
I can do this. I can go there and make sure Haley is okay for my brother, Callum. That’s all I’m doing. I don’t even have to talk to Griff. Even though I want to. I want to pull him into my arms and tell him how sorry I am for fucking everything up.
Because I am sorry. Truly. I hate all the wrong turns I made that led to this moment. That led to him hating me so deeply. He was the only one who ever got me, and I fucked it up. Today will be the first time I’ll face him since he dumped me last week, and I’m not ready to see the pain I’ve caused him all over his face.
Groaning, I pull into a parallel parking spot outside of his house. I’m doing this for my brother. I’m here to help him out. Because, fuck, when Haley left his penthouse this morning, Cal was about ready to set fire to the world to bring her back. And the only thing that could calm him down was if I promised to check on her this evening.
Now, I’m regretting the fuck out of that decision.
I put the car into park and shut off the engine. Glancing at the duffel bag beside me, I run my tongue along the top row of my teeth. “Come on, Paddy. Let’s get this over with.”
But the burning in my chest is still there, and I don’t want to fucking do this. God damn, for the second in command of the Irish Mob, I sure am a fucking pussy. I can kill a man without a second thought. But I can’t face the love of my life after I’ve torn his heart from his chest.
It doesn’t matter that we were meant to be together from the beginning. Some of the greatest love stories end with two people who should be together… apart. That doesn’t make the heartbreak any less.
With one last heavy sigh, I open the door and step out of the truck. The walk to the door feels like forever, my feet heavy like lead as I take each step closer toward my impending doom. Haley’s duffle bag is heavy in my hands as I rap on the door of Griff’s home. My heart rate picks up and sweat breaks out on my forehead. Will he even let me in? Will he look at me and see the true villain that I am? God, maybe Haley will be the one to open it and I won’t have to deal with him at all.
The door swings open, and there he is. Michael Griffin, my childhood best friend, the man I deployed with, the only man I’ve ever been with, the onlypersonI’ve ever loved. And he’s glaring at me as if I’m the biggest asshole he’s ever known. And I am.
“Go away.” He moves to slam the door in my face, but I force my foot into the foyer before he gets it closed.
I grip the edge of the door and shove it back, pushing him against the wall.
Griff lands against it with a heavy growl. “I told you not to fucking come here again.”
His words cut through my chest. He’s always so patient and understanding. When I told him I wasn’t ready to come out to my family, he didn’t care. He just wanted me. But even he has his limits, and I learned that the hard way. Now I’m paying the price.
I gulp, looking him up and down. “I’m here to check on Savi,” I say, using Haley’s military nickname.
“She doesn’t need any of you Murphy boys checking on her.” Griff’s claws are out, and I can’t say I blame him. He’s protective of his best friend, and he knows I’m here on mafia business. Which means I’m here on my brother’s orders.
“It’s fine, Michael.” Haley’s voice pulls my gaze from his death stare. She folds her arms and glares at me. “What do you want, Murphy?”
I offer her a warm smile, trying to stay on her good side. I want to tell her that my brother is tearing apart the city right now, trying to fix everything between them. That the fight this morning that I bore witness to is because he’s stressed out right now. But I don’t want to upset her. So I don’t say any of that.
Instead, I hand her the duffel bag. “I brought you some clothes, so you don’t have to go back to your place.”
She nods, takes the bag from me, then disappears toward the steps to go upstairs. She hasn’t been to her apartment since the night she killed the man that was stalking her. When I decided to come over here, I really did want to keep her away from the house, and the gesture was genuine. It wasn’t because Callum ordered me, or because I wanted to see Griff.
Haley’s my friend, too. And she’s been through hell. Bringing her some clothes is the least I could do for her.
Somehow, I manage to get out of the long skinny hall that leads to a mudroom, and when I’m sure she can’t see us, I push him against the wall.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I’m taller than him, the top of his head reaching my eye-level, and he tilts his head down so he doesn’t have to look at me. But he doesn’t fight me on it, doesn’t break free of my touch when my hand caresses his cheek. Then my lips brush against his temple.
“Get away from me, Paddy.” His tone is softer now, not holding as much of that venomous hatred it did when I first arrived.
My head drops, and I brush my nose against his cheek. He smells of tequila and all I want is to suck the alcohol straight off his tongue. God, I’ve missed him so fucking much. It’s been too long since I’ve had his lips against mine, since his hands were all over me in that desperate, primal way we devoured each other.
I pound my fist against the wall, the noise probably heard clearly from upstairs where Haley is. “Please, Griff. Please. I’m so fucking sorry.” My voice cracks. I’m such a weak little shit and I can’t take this. “Let me fix it.”
“There’s nothing to fix. You chose a woman over me. Deep down, I always knew it would happen. But I didn’t want to believe it. And then you did. You chose to bury yourself inside of someone else. You cheated on me, Patrick.”
“I didn’t–” I stop myself, pulling away. “You think that’s what happened?”
