My dad looks like his head’s about to explode. He stands up and takes a step toward us. I scoot forward, so I’m blocking Ford from my dad. “How—she’s my daughter,” he yells.
Ford stands up. He looks like—well, he looks like he’s going to cry. He respects and looks up to my dad. I can almost feel his heartbreaking over this. He thinks he’s lost my dad’s respect. I put my hand on Ford’s chin and turn him to face me. “I love you,” I mouth. I face my dad, and Ford places his hand on my back to help steady me. “You told me to make sure the man I chose to be with was worthy of me. Ford is that guy, dad. I love him.”
My dad turns away from me, shaking his head, but I reach my hand out, grabbing his arm. “I’m not a child, and you don’t get to change your mind just because you’re the dad. You need to respect me and respect my choice.”
“You and Ford are breaking up.” Beth stands yelling at me. “None of it matters because this relationship ends right now.” In all the years she’s been married to my dad, she’s never once raised her voice to me. I didn’t think she knew how to yell or shout. I take a step back, hurt by her angry words.
Jack comes racing down the stairs. “Tell Hannah the real reason you’re doing this, mom.”
“Go back upstairs, Jack,” my dad yells.
“No!” Jack stands protectively in front of me and Ford. “Hannah deserves the truth.”
“What truth?” I glance from Beth to Jack to my dad.
“The past doesn’t matter.” My dad takes a step toward me, Ford, and Jack, but Beth grabs his hand, pulling him back, and he wraps his arms around her.
“Jack is right. Hannah needs to know what could happen.”
“What do you mean,couldhappen?”
My dad wipes the tears out of Beth’s eyes, and then she faces me. “When I was your age, I thought I was madly in love. My life was perfect. Brian and I thought we had the world at our fingertips, but I got pregnant. It wasn’t ideal, but we loved each other and knew we could make it work, so we got married. I had a rough pregnancy. I was sick a lot, I missed a lot of school, and my grades slipped. I lost my college scholarship. Without it, there wasn’t enough money for both of us to go to college. So Brian went, and I worked and took care of Jack. Beth walks up to me, grabbing my shoulders. “That will not happen to you. I won’t let it. You have a bright future. You’re going to be valedictorian. My daughter won’t be stuck in the shadow of a man.”
I feel like the reality I’ve known since Beth and my dad got married is crumbling into pieces in front of me. I want to yell that I’m not her. That our situations are not the same, but it wouldn’t matter what I said or how loudly I said it. Do my parents know they’re standing on opposite ends of this issue? My dad thinks I’m this perfect little angel who would never lower herself to having sex, and Beth thinks I’m a horny teenager that can’t keep my pants on.
Our parents have made up their minds. There’s no scenario where Ford and I come out of this together, not today. This is what he was talking about last night. He knew this was going to happen. That my parents were going to force us apart. It doesn’t matter. I wish I could make them understand that if I had to wait a thousand years to be with Crawford Cross, I would wait—faithfully. I will wait.
There is no reality where Ford and I don’t end up together. I don’t believe in fate, but I believe my and Ford’s souls chose each other. I know I’m young, and I don’t understand much of what this world is about, but I know that I love Ford. I tried moving on and shutting off my heart to him, but I couldn’t. It’s just—I don’t know how to fathom forever. I need Ford today and next week. I don’t know what to say or what to do. I’ve been thrust into a situation I can’t control. I pull at my hair, trying to get my brain to figure a way out of this, for something that will change the narrative in my favor. But nothing comes, and for the second time in my life, I feel helpless. The first was when my mother died.
56. My Soul Sings to Your Soul
The room is pure chaos. Beth, Jack, and Jim are yelling at each other. My parents are fighting—for what feels like the millionth time. Hannah looks completely undone by everything that’s happening. She stepsback, stumbling, and I thrust my arm out, catching her around the waist before she falls.
“Are you okay?” I ask, sweeping her hair off her face. She shakes her head no. “my room,” is all she says, and then races up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Everyone’s still yelling, and no one notices she’s left. I think about going after her without saying anything to anyone, but then they’ll come looking for us.
“Enough,” I yell. Everyone stops talking. I let the silence fill the room until it’s suffocating. “We’ll do what you tell us.”
“It’s for the best,” Mrs. Clark says, nodding.
“You can tell yourself that until you’re blue in the face and the only one you’ll convince is yourself.” I glance at Jack.
“Jack and I know the website’s down.”
“It is?” My dad looks at me then turns to Mr. Clark.
“We still need to find out who is behind it so another one doesn’t pop up.” Mr. Clark huffs.
“We know who it is,” Jack says. “We just can’t prove it.”
I look at Mr. Clark. “Tell Hannah the website’s down or I will.”
“No.” Jack cuts in. “I will.”
I walk to the base of the stairs, and my dad grabs my arm. “Where are you going?”
“Hannah went to her room; I’m going to say goodbye. Don’t wait for me. I’ll have Jack bring me home.” I glance at Jack, and he nods.
“We’ll see you at home.” My mom gives me a teary-eyed smile. She was never in favor of this idea. Mr. and Mrs. Clark watch me go upstairs, but they don’t say anything. When I walk into Hannah’s room, she’s curled up on the floor in the corner. I didn’t realize she was this bad. “Hannah.” I dart across the room to her.
