As I stand at the window, looking toward the building where the people I care about are currently residing, realization rushes through me. So much of my life has been spent keeping people at a distance, not trusting anyone but myself. I’ve pushed everyone away, even my uncle. So determined to stand on my own two feet, to take on the world by myself that I refused to let anyone in.
If I’ve learned anything over the past seven months, it’s that I’m no longer alone. Yes, it scares me to fucking death. Every single person I care about is my responsibility. It’s on me to keep them safe from the monster that wears a man’s skin. And for someone who has spent their entire life alone, that thought alone is enough to strike a note of terror inside me.
They make you weak,my father’s voice whispers in my mind.They are the tools of your destruction. I will use them against you to force you to my will. Just like I did with you and your mother. And when they are nothing but shattered bones and bloodstains, you will kneel before me.
My fists clench at the words meant to destroy me.No, they make me stronger,I argue back at the fictional version of Vincenzo.Unlike you, I have their support and strength at my side. And that strength will become my own, which I will yield to end you.
His laughter pours through me, derisive and taunting.You will get them all killed, just like you did your mother.
My shoulders straighten. Never again. Never again will I let that bastard’s words decide my fate.
In my mind’s eye, I return to the basement and stand before the younger version of myself. I let her down. I let her internalize Vincenzo’s words, let him corrupt her from the inside out. I didn’t let her have relationships or love. In trying to protect her, I ruined her. Getting down on my knees, I hold my arms out. She’s wary but comes anyway. I hold her to me, sobbing, telling her I’m sorry over and over again. She finally pulls away and places a hand on my cheek.We’ll destroy him,I promise her, and the corner of her mouth lifts. She backs away, but instead of getting back into the cage, she runs up the basement stairs. She turns back just before she opens the door.It will be okay,she whispers, and then she’s gone.
Tears stream down my face and strong arms come around my waist. This time, I don’t push away. I take the strength offered and lean back against him, my eyes fluttering closed. A sense of peace envelopes me, and for the first time in my life, I allow myself to believe we’ll win.
“I’m so sorry, Cruz,” I say softly. We’re sitting on the sofa, facing each other. I’ve had time to digest that Dante was the one to give the order.
“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything.”
I shake my head, my chest growing tight at the knowledge that my family destroyed his. I bring myself to my feet and go to stare out the window. Cars honk below, while masses of people go about their day, ignorant of the dangers lurking in this city. What would they do if they knew? Would they move? Cry? Shiver in fear? I watch as mothers push their children in their strollers into Central Park. I watch as people come and go into buildings and restaurants, unaware that the man they warn their children about lives amongst them. He’s the boogeyman, the Jersey Devil, even Satan himself, all rolled into one.
My father.
Turning back to Cruz, I reply, “No, but my family did.” My fists clench as I grind my teeth. It’s just another black mark against Vincenzo, one of thousands. If a soul were a physical thing, his would be shriveled and black, an oily stinking mess. If he ever had a heart, it’s long gone now, and I know he’s beyond any form of redemption.
If I’m honest with myself, I’ve known that since I was eleven. Since that day in his office.
Cruz comes to stand in front of me, his face serious. “I’m going to kill him.” I nod back at him, my lip curling in a sad smile.
“I know. I’ll help.”
“You will?” he asks, a hint of incredulity in his tone.
“That’s why I’m here, Cruz. Why I’ve been staying there.” I gesture behind me at the Waverley Building. “I’ve been trying to take down my father for years. Even gathered up some friends to help.”
Cruz’s eyes go hard. “Ah, yes. Friends. The Charon Group, I assume?”
“Amongst others.” I take his hand, leading him over to the small table. Once we’re both seated, I tell him everything. If we’re going to work together, even if it’s just to kill Dante, then he deserves to know the truth of what he’s going up against.
I start with my childhood. He listens closely, jaw ticking, as I describe my mother’s death. The cords on his neck pop out in livid ridges as I relive the abuse. He kicks his chair back, punching the wall as I tell him about what happened in Vincenzo’s office and the subsequent stay in the cage.
When he calms down, I fill him in about Uncle Harris’s rescue and my FBI training. I detail my attempts at bringing my father in, and the many, many times I’ve failed. My father’s growing hatred toward me, his many crimes, the sins he carries on his shoulders.
We discuss Arizona, how I met my brother, and my time in London. My voice grows husky as I continue sharing my story. I doubt I’ve ever talked so much at once in my entire life. Cruz grabs me a bottle of water from the kitchenette, then sits back down.
“So, who are you working with?” he asks curiously.
My mouth clamps closed. The last time I saw Cruz, he was making love to me. In the morning, he was gone. Until I know what his plans are, I won’t put everyone else at risk. When I think of Tessa and Rebecca, Susannah and The Duke—I know I can’t tell just anyone about them.
Now that I know what it’s like to have friends, to have people willing to fight for me, people who have my back, I don’t want to go back to my solitary life. I didn’t realize just how lonely I was, not after growing up the way I did. How was I to know it wasn’t normal? I have to do things differently now, think differently.
I’m sure I’ll fuck up now and again, hell, that’s pretty standard with me. But I’ll try.
Getting back to Cruz, I reach across the table, placing my hand over his. “I’m not willing to answer that just yet.” His eyes narrow, and as he opens his mouth, I shake my head at him. “They are my friends, Cruz. They’re helping me with my father, and I won’t betray them by naming them. I’m happy to help you with Dante, and after that’s done, you’re going to need to make a choice. Are you here to stay? Or will you leave the country to escape my father’s wrath?” He stills, watching me. “Because he will go crazy. He will stop at nothing to destroy anyone that comes after his brothers. Not because he gives a shit about them, but because he will see it as an attack on him.”
Cruz sits back in his chair, eyes unseeing as he thinks about what I’ve told him. “You were sleeping the morning I left you, so you won’t have heard the vow I made you. I was always coming back for you. Always. I couldn’t be truly yours until after my mission was complete, but once it is, I plan on fully claiming you. You’re mine, Dutch. After we kill Dante, I will join you and help you destroy your father. But make no mistake—I will not let you go, not again.”
My lips curve up into a smile, and my chest grows warm. I wasn’t expecting such a possessive declaration. I know he has feelings for me, as I do for him—but it has been over a year since we last saw each other. I never could have dreamed he would still care after all this time.
