His brow furrows and he shakes his head a little. “For what?”
I force myself to swallow back the truth I want to blurt out and instead say,
“For being here. For being in your space. I’m sorry.”
His hand reaches for my cheek but at the last second he pulls it back and one side of his mouth lifts in a half smile.
“Don’t be. Turns out, it’s not so bad having you here after all. Go to sleep, caterpillar.”
BECKETT
I’m sitting on the floor in my room with my back against the bed throwing a rubber ball at the wall. Finals are done and I need to decide if I’m going to take the offer of a flight home for the holidays that landed in my inbox this morning from my dad. I don’t even know why he would send that to me. It’s been years since we spent a Christmas together. It has to have something to do with what he told me over dinner when he was in town.
I throw the ball harder and catch it on the bounce and then do it again. He wants to fucking groom me to take over for him one day and the thought of being buried under the weight of a mindless future in corporate America has my soul withering. I squeeze the ball harder at the thought of Jude and Tate going on to the pros and Ash following them to be a trainer – without me - and only seeing them on TV instead of daily. They’re my real family and I can’t believe in a few short months this will all be over and I’ll be alone.
Ever since my mom died, I felt alone until Tate, Jude and Ash connected with me. My father had always been absent even before she left me. He was always too busy with work to show up at my school events and football games but mom made up for it by always being there, always cheering me on. And then she was gone and a small part of me has always wondered if she left because of me. Was I too much? Was I not enough?
The hardest part is that I’ll never know exactly why she chose death instead of sticking around for her only child. She left me with a man who was barely in my life before her death and had no desire to deal with the complexities of a grieving child and his abandonment issues.
When he sent me away to boarding school, I hated him. I met Tate, who also had father issues, and he slid into the gaping hole in my life and together we built a support system for each other. Later when Ash and Jude came into the picture, we all just clicked into place and built our family further. How the fuck am I supposed to walk away from them now? How am I supposed to go live a life I know I will hate and not even have them in my day-to-day life? Fuck! What’s the fucking point of that?
Savy walks past the door as I throw the ball again with a scowl and then backs up to peer in at me with a frown. She cocks her head and steps into my room.
“Bad day?” She asks softly as she comes and sits on the bed above me.
I let the ball roll away and slide a hand up her leg, reminding me of how her skin felt under my hands that night. It’s a comfort when I lean my head against her leg and her small, warm fingers slide through my hair to massage my head. Savy and I are just getting started with what’s developing between us but she’s just one more thing I’ll have to give up when we all go our separate ways. I push that thought aside with no answer in sight.
“Better, now that you’re here, darlin’,” I sigh and turn my head to rub my face against her calf and then decide it’s not enough. I need her in my arms, pressed against me to drown out all the dark thoughts overwhelming me. I pull her off the bed and position her so she’s straddling me.
One of my favorite things about Savy is how she lets us move her body to fit where we want her without protest. It makes me feel like she’s mine on a totally different level.
I slide my hands up her thighs to rest on her hips and pull her center to fit tight against the growing bulge in my jeans. Her eyes behind her glasses stay calm and steady on me as she lifts a hand to trace my jaw and then up over my lips. She’s so…steady, so present with me. She stares into my eyes as if nothing else matters but me in this moment. We don’t speak a word but it feels like we hold an entire conversation just looking at each other. Something wound tight unfurls in my chest and I have a fierce need to have her pressed closer to me. Not for sex but to have something more, something deeper with her.
As if she can read my mind, she flows forward against me, wraps her arms around my waist, presses her face into my neck, and just stays there. The longer I hold her like this, the more connected to her I feel and the more I never want to let her go. For a moment, everything slots into place and I feel…home.
JUDE
I’m waiting to get into Masks with Tate and Beck but there’s a group of drunk freshmen mixing it up in the front entry as the bouncers try and haul them out. I don’t even want to be here. Finals are finally over and we’ve got a free night before we lock back down for the next game. I want to be celebrating with my baby doll but she’s got a shift at work and it pisses me off that I still don’t know where that is. If I did, I could sneak her some treats and keep her company until she gets off and then… then I could get her off…with my mouth or my fingers or both. She’s like a fucking addiction and I’m soooo close to saying fuck it and plowing her sweet, tight pussy with my aching cock. I reach down and adjust myself as I grow hard just thinking about it.
“I want to speak to the manager!” Some chick shrills out, plucking her drink-soaked dress away from her body.
One of the bouncers lifts a mike to his mouth and yells into it over the fighting and music.
“Hey Stella, we need you at the front entrance.”
My brow furrows as I frown hearing that but…
“Any of you guys know what was up with Savy this week?” Tate asks, distracting me from the drama in front of us. “She seemed a little moody.”
“Did you try eating her coochie?” I ask.
Beck barks out a laugh and high-fives me but Tate just scowls.
“Fuck off, it’s not all about sex you know,” he spits out, making me laugh.
“You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. So fold her legs right up to her shoulders and put her in a better mood.”
Beck can’t stop laughing and Tate glares at us both. “Is that all this is for you guys? You just want to fuck around with her? Because I want something more than just that.”
