And then I turn and practically run from her room.
SAVY
Ihum a song that’s stuck in my head as I shelve books from my cart. It’s been a few days since I set up my room in the house and things have been going fairly well. Jude’s been sneaking into my bed for cuddles that turn into heavy make out sessions for the last two nights. He winds my body up and leaves me right on the edge before pulling back to cuddle and then slips away as I’m falling asleep. If this is what he means by leveling me up then I’m so ready for the boss battle that’ll take us to the next level. So ready.
Beck has pulled back since we had that moment in the hallway. He’s been in a weird mood since then. Kind of dark and sad. Something is weighing on him but I don’t know him well enough to guess what it is.
Ash has also been keeping his distance from me but there was a moment this morning between us that made me even more confused about where his head is at.
I had just finished having a shower in the bathroom that I now share with them. I was completely covered head to toe in my fuzzy pink bathrobe complete with prancing unicorns and a towel wrapped around my head when I walked straight out into his hard…naked…chest. If I had been wearing my glasses they would have instantly fogged up from the heat rolling off of all that tattoo covered muscle. His hands went straight to my waist and held me in place against him for a few beats too long. When those fingers squeezed a little too tightly, I had to bite back a breathy moan. Asher James is way too beautiful that close up and it filled my head with all the nights he watched me in my cage like he wanted to devour every bit of me. When I could finally drag my eyes from his chest to look up, I had to bite my lip at the pure lust I saw in his eyes…for me…not the Butterfly, me.
It was gone quickly and then he moved me to the side with a muttered, “Morning” and shut the door in my face, leaving my head spinning and questioning if I had really seen that or if my newly awakened sex drive had conjured it up as a wish.
I banish thoughts of Ash as I push my cart deeper into the stacks and think about the fourth man I live with. Tate’s just been…gone…since I moved in. I’m starting to worry that my being there has driven him out and I hate to think I’ve done that. It’s not fair to him if he’s staying away from his home just to avoid me. As if my thoughts have summoned him, Tate comes around the end of the row I’m in. There’s a smile like I haven’t seen before from him, spreading across his face when he spots me.
“Savy, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
“Well, here I am. You found me,” I smile back at him. He moves right up next to me and holds out his phone.
“Take a look at this!”
There’s so much pride and excitement in his tone that my smile widens as I take the phone and see what he’s happy about. My eyebrows shoot up when I see his latest assignment mark. I haven’t been helping or tutoring him since the blow-up in the kitchen so this is all his own work that achieved it. My eyes go big and full of excitement for him.
“Oh my God, Tate! This is incredible. I’m so proud of you!”
I move to hug him but he lifts me up against his chest and then his mouth crashes down on mine. A fierce, needy ache throbs through me instantly. No matter how fake things were with us, there was never any doubt about the chemistry between us. His hot tongue tangles with mine and my hands slide into his dark blond hair to pull him closer, deeper. He groans against my lips and pulls back to rest his forehead against mine and I can see the sincerity in those hazel eyes.
“Fuck, I miss you so much, baby girl. I miss this mouth, I miss your taste.” He lowers me back to my feet so that my chest slides against his, making my nipples pearl and ache to be touched. “But more than that, I miss sitting and working with you at the table. I miss the way you would push me to be better and dig deeper. I miss having you at my games, I miss holding your hand.”
I try to step back as if to get away from the conflicted feelings his words give me but he just follows me until I’m pinned between him and the bookshelf.
“Can you tell me you don’t miss that too? Tell me you don’t still think I just want to use you. Fuck, Savy, tell me that you want me as fucking bad as I want you.”
I try and look away from his intensity but the green and gold flecks in his eyes have me mesmerized. His hand slides up my neck to cup my cheek. “Tell me you don’t feel this too, baby, and I’ll back off.”
I manage to choke out, “J-Jude?” as my body goes haywire with the need to have his hands on me, to feel him touch me again like he has twice before.
“Jude would be fucking thrilled if we were together again.”
I push him off of me as sharp hurt flares through me. I step away, needing space to sort my thoughts. “You think he doesn’t care about me? You all just want to pass me around like some kind of…toy?”
His hand flashes out and yanks me against him again, one hand wrapping loosely around the back of my neck. “Fuck, no! That’s not what I meant at all. He does care about you, baby, but so do I and I think Beck does too.”
He sighs out a frustrated breath like he’s trying to find the words to best explain what he means. He lets me go and rakes a hand through his hair.
“Jude, fuck, all of us, are tight. You could say we’re family to each other where our own families have let us down. Having a woman, having you, be a part of that would just add to it, complete it. Baby, we would love to share you. All of you.”
I push away from him again because…whoa! That’s a lot to fucking take in. I turn my back on him and fuss with the books on my cart to give my shaking hands something to do. I’ve sort of gotten okay with the idea of having sex with Jude and possibly Beck. Being with Tate that way isn’t that much of a stretch if I’m going to throw down with this free-love movement thing. But what he’s talking about is something else entirely. He’s talking about a four-way relationship. My eyes crash closed as I fight the instant yearning of my heart. To be a part of a…family…like that, to not have just one but three people who care about me like that? My heart squeezes with how badly I want it. I’ve been alone for so long and even though I’m used to it, I’ve always…wished… Tate comes up behind me and presses against my back.
“I know, it’s a lot to take in. Just, think about it? Okay? You get off in about twenty minutes, right?”
I nod my head but don’t turn around, not wanting him to see the naked want on my face for what he’s offering. He kisses the side of my head and squeezes my hip. “I’m going to wait for you outside in my car. I’ll take you home, okay?”
I nod again and keep my head tucked down as he walks away. When I see him turn out of the row, I let out a deep gush of air and press a hand to my mouth and then straighten up and shove all my needy little girl wanting to be loved issues to one side. I take a step back from the emotions and the physical aspects of it all and lay it out in my mind. As much as I like them, these men are dangerous. Every one of them have been careless and inconsiderate with me in the past.
They aren’t relationship kind of guys. If I agreed to something like that, something more than just a physical relationship, I know myself well enough to know that I would fall head over heels for them all. Where will that get me when one or all of them tire of me? Right now, I’m a weird girl out of their norm that keeps them at arm's length and doesn’t make demands. That’s probably part of their attraction to me. When you have plenty of women throwing themselves at your feet, the one that tells you to fuck off is going to look like a challenge, like forbidden fruit in a way. Once they get me, all of me, how can I be sure the shine won’t rub off and they’ll move on?
I finish emptying my cart, lost in thought. Can I trust them? Should I trust them? Is a little bit of time being wanted and cared about worth the pain of what will happen when they are done with me? Damnit! It’s not even just that. If I commit to a relationship with them, I would have to tell them who I really am. My last name comes with a lot of weight and baggage. Would I be able to trust them with that? I just don’t know.
