When I won’t meet her eyes, she tosses aside the blouse she was looking at and grabs me by the shoulders to face her.
“Listen, I’ve slept with so many clowns that balloons and cotton candy should pop out of my va-jay-jay when I open my legs. Seriously, I’ve got a gold-plated body count and I have no shame about it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting or being with more than one guy. As long as they’re all on board and good to you, then go get ‘em, girl!”
I roll my lips in and give her a slow nod. “I don’t know about Tate. There, there was something there, something building between us but I don’t really trust him anymore. As for Ash, well, he’s not interested in me, at least, not this version of me so nothing will ever happen there. But Jude, oh my god, Stella, he, he…yes!” She laughs as my face goes bright red. “As for Beckett, the things he said, what he wanted to do to me? Well, I think between them all, if I let them, they would ruin me completely.”
She arches a brow and fans herself asking, “In the best possible way?”
I meet her eyes and nod. “In the best possible way.”
Other shoppers come close so we move on to another section of the store and gather up a few more items before heading over to the changing room. I sort through the pile and roll my eyes at Stella as I hold up a pink and white plaid schoolgirl skirt that would barely cover my ass cheeks.
“What? It’s for the Butterfly! I know you have a few outfits in your locker at work but you’ll need more to replace the ones you lost in the fire. Unless…”
“Unless, what?”
She shrugs one shoulder. “Unless you’re ready to take off the mask and merge both your identities. It’s okay if you want to stop dancing, babes.”
I keep my eyes on the skirt as I frown. Is that what I want? Every day I spend with them, every touch, every kiss, brings me more confidence and makes the mask I wear slip a little bit more. I know I’ll have to tell them everything eventually but I’m not sure if I trust them enough to do that yet. I got lucky with Stella. She never cared or judged me because of my last name or bank account balance and she was never anything but supportive of me being the Butterfly. But I have first-hand knowledge of how people will look at me differently when they find out just who I am.
Desire-filled green eyes flash through my head. I know I’ll never have Ash but for two years he sought me out and watched me like I was desirable, like I was worth something when I felt like no one else saw me. His eyes on me are an addiction I’m not ready to let go of. No, I’m not ready to give the Butterfly up just yet.
“Can you take all the Butterfly outfits to the club for me and put them in my locker? I, I don’t think I should have them in the house where they might be found.”
She takes the skirt from me with a sigh. “Are you sure? You know I have a stack of applicants waiting to fill your cage. It’s okay to take off the mask, Sav.”
I flash her a tight smile and reach for the pile of clothes to take into the changing room. “Soon maybe, just…not quite yet.”
The back of the SUV I hired for the day is loaded with a massive amount of shopping bags as the driver pulls up to my favorite store and a huge grin fills my face as Stella groans.
“I swear, you’re the only billionaire that shops at Target. You’re such a weirdo!”
I smack an elbow into her ribs playfully. “Language! You know I don’t like when you use the B word. And what’s wrong with Target? It was always such a treat when Martha would bring me to one growing up. There’s just so much…stuff…to find in them.”
Stella rolls her eyes at me. “You mean so much fleece.”
I shoot her a dirty look as the doors slide open for us. “Sue me! I like cozy, fuzzy loungewear and this store has the best stuff. I also need to get some baking pans and supplies. Jude promised to do wicked things to me if I start baking for him again.”
She barks out a laugh at that. “Well, I guess we better get two carts then if wicked sexual promises are on the line.”
I agree completely and for once, don’t even care about the deep blush spreading up my face.
I drop Stella at her place on the way home with her bags and my work outfits. I’m not ready for her to meet the new men in my life even though she’s familiar with them from the two years they’ve been coming into the club. When the driver pulls up to the house, I’m relieved to see all the cars are gone from the driveway. It’s a Monday so they should all be either in class or at practice. I skipped my classes today and had someone cover my afternoon library shift so I could do the huge replacement shop. When the driver opens the back hatch, my nerves strum tight at just how much stuff I bought. I know they gave me a room to stay in but this haul looks a lot like an official move-in and I can just picture the anger on Asher’s face if he thought I was working an angle to stay here permanently.
I shake my head and grab an armful of bags, fishing out the key Tate returned to me this morning. It’s not permanent. I just need a couple of weeks to find a new place and then all this stuff will go with me. Once the driver and I carry everything up and dump it in my empty room, I tip him well and thank him for all his help. It’s been a long day of shopping but I dive straight in anyway, wanting to be settled in my own space so I can get back to my normal routine of classes and work tomorrow.
I tear apart the bedding sets I bought and rip tags from the towels and then carry them and most of the kitchenware I got back downstairs to put them away and start a load of laundry before racing back up to start unpacking everything else. A few hours later my bed is made with fresh sheets and piled high with pillows and most of my clothes have been hung up or put away in the plastic storage dressers that I bought.
I’m sitting on the floor in a new, freshly washed pair of fuzzy sleep pants that are covered in dozing cartoon sloths, muttering a lot of extreme curses, surrounded by slats of wood, metal brackets, and a multitude of strange screws and plugs as I try to go over the instructions on how to assemble the cheap student desk I got at Target. You’d think it was a nuclear power plant model made by a sadistic engineer for how complicated they’ve made the instructions. The picture of the happy lady on the box standing beside a completed desk is taunting me, claiming that I can put this thing together without any tools except for the Allen wrench provided but I’m thinking a saw and jackhammer are in order when a deep voice has me practically jumping out of my skin.
“What the hell are you doing?”
ASHER
As soon as I walk in the door after classes, I know she’s here. The house already smells different. I can smell vanilla with a peach undertone. I stand in the entryway and breathe it in for a few moments and then scowl when I realize what I’m doing. Check that, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing at all. This girl has wormed her way under my skin to the point that she was the first thing I thought about when I opened my eyes this morning.
I can’t stop seeing her face, her eyes when she gave up fighting that night after she went into anaphylactic shock. The regret I saw in them as she brushed my lips with her cold fingers has haunted me ever since. I want to know what she regrets and why it feels like it was about me. I don’t know her and she doesn’t fucking know me so what could she possibly regret? Fuck, I don’t need this shit.
I slam my bag onto the counter in the kitchen and spot the drain rack full of baking pans causing my scowl to deepen. I can’t even fucking complain. I was fully on board with her staying with us when we found out her apartment had blown up. But what was I supposed to do? The chick almost died for fuck’s sake and she was practically unconscious in the back seat when we found out. It’s not like I could have said no and dumped her at a hotel. I jam my hand through my hair and yank on the black strands viciously.
