Lucy held her breath, for the first time in her life not at all certain what to do. How to help.
“I want to hear it all,” she told him in a near whisper. “So, whatever it is, and whenever you’re ready, I’m listening.”
He took a breath, and she finally released hers. This was it. Hewaswilling to trust her after all.
Then minutes ticked by. She fancied she couldhear the tick of his pocket watch, or maybe it was the thump of his heartbeat.
“There was a train accident when I was nine.” He rushed the words out on a single breath, then seemed to give in to the memory. A darkness in his faraway gaze told her that he could see it all clearly in his mind’s eye. “One minute, we were rolling along, watching the countryside pass. My mother pointed out a kind of tree she liked. A willow tree.” He shook his head and looked at her. “I was so focused on her that I hardly noticed we’d started over the bridge.”
Lucy inhaled sharply.
“The structure folded like it was made of sticks. Everything next only comes in flashes. Pieces. I don’t have the whole of it even now. The sounds and smells stay with me more than anything.” His breathing had quickened, and he swallowed hard. “I feel it here.” A fist pressed to his chest. “My heart beats erratically just as I suspect it did that day. I remember my mother’s voice.” His gaze fixed on hers. “She told me not to worry.” The smile that curved his mouth was the saddest she’d ever seen.
Lucy reached up to grip the leather strap near the carriage door and moved from her bench to the spot next to him. He said nothing but reached out to steady her.
She laid her open hand, palm up, in her lap, leaving it there if he wished for that contact.
He did.
They held each other tightly, fingers laced.
“So now you understand my loathing for locomotives.” The teasing tone she knew well did nothing to wash the misery from his gaze.
“Now you must know of my downfall. More details than I ever wished to tell you. Facts I still fear might entangle you in ways you don’t deserve.”
“Just tell me.”
“I was very successful. Wealthier than I sometimes thought I had any right to be. And my thirst for competition and, yes, probably an ounce or two of greed kept me watchful for new ventures.” He glanced over at her thoughtfully. “You’d think that after surviving on the streets of London for years, I’d understand the dangers of trusting anyone.”
“That sounds very bleak.”
“Safe. That’s how I thought of it. Let no one in, and no one can truly harm you.” He squeezed her hand, and Lucy tried not to think too much about what that single gesture might mean.
“But I’d surpassed needing to survive. I was comfortable.Arrogant. I needed funds after a failed business venture, and that’s when he approached. A man I’d heard of in certain circles as a financier. He presented himself as an ally, a friend. He promised the world and seemed to be able to deliver.”
“He befriended you?”
“He cultivated me, and he loaned me funds immediately. The quickness of it was seductive. I needed capital and he had it, and he seemed to believe in my ability to save my shipping business.But after the failed venture, I lost the respect of colleagues and the confidence of customers. Clients went elsewhere. Opportunities dried up. I’d already lost thousands in the venture. I couldn’t repay Beck in full even after selling off the ships in my fleet.”
When he paused, Lucy was glad for it. The misery in his tone made her own throat ache. She’d heard of men taken in by investment schemes and ending in financial ruin. She’d heard of nefarious moneylenders who preyed on such men too. She even knew of one nobleman who’d taken his life after bringing his family to the brink of poverty when he’d lost his fortune on a failed business venture.
“Beck isn’t the only one to blame. The responsibility is mine. The failure is mine.” He stopped again, drawing in a long breath as if steeling himself for whatever came next. “And it’s not over. Even after I sold my ships, liquidated my assets, I still owed Beck. I owe him yet.”
“And selling the manor will allow you to pay him?”
“Yes. For whatever reason, he’s lost patience with waiting for me to settle my accounts with him. He’d once been content with payments whenever I was able, but he’s a changeable, ruthless man.”
“Dangerous?”
“He employs those who are. Apparently, Beck’s background isn’t so different from my own. He grew up fighting in back alleys and brings those tactics to the boardroom now.”
“You fought in back alleys?”
He offered her a sad smile. “I did what I had to in order to survive. Fighting in alleys wasn’t common and certainly wasn’t anything I sought. But competition for work, for food, for lodgings was fierce.”
“I’m so sorry it was all so difficult.” This time Lucy squeezed his hand and laid her other on top of their clasped fingers.
“So, you learned that Beck was unscrupulous too late?”
