“Yes, but it’s nine-thirty, you’re not going to bed yet are you?” I asked, realising it was pointless arguing about him staying if the strong jut of his jaw was anything to go by.
“No,” he replied, frowning at me. “I’m going to watch the footy. Lounge this way is it?” He pointed in the general direction of the hall and strode off leaving me standing with my mouth gaping open.
* * *
I’d slept fitfully all night, listening carefully and jumping at any noise outside. The last time I’d checked the clock on my phone it had been four-thirty, but I must have then dropped into a fairly deep sleep because it was the sound of rain outside that woke me at just gone six. I lay there for a few minutes with my eyes closed, desperately trying to go back to sleep, but it was useless. With a sigh, I kicked off my duvet and dropped my legs to the floor. Frankie would be dead to the world for another couple of hours at least, especially as he hadn’t gone to sleep until almost ten-thirty the night before – I knew because I’d checked on him about forty times, mainly because it was better than sitting with Sam, feeling awkward while he watched football on my TV. It had been almost eleven when Sam started to yawn and I decided to go to bed myself. I’d have gone earlier but thought it rude after he’d dropped everything to help us. I’d started up the stairs and realised I’d left my mobile in the lounge, so had pushed back through the door to find a tattooed and topless Sam about to drop his jeans. I’d only seen the hint of ‘Calvin Klein’ but it had been enough to make me blush, grab my phone, and practically run up to my room.
Deciding to get myself some breakfast, I yawned loudly and tying the belt of my dressing gown tight, decided to check Frankie was still asleep. When I walked into his room, I almost screamed when I found his bed empty and his duvet and pillow missing. My heart thudded erratically, as fear gripped me and I ran from the room and down the stairs calling his name.
I barrelled into the lounge and pulled up short, as a thudding ache took the breath from my lungs. Lying on the floor, wrapped in his duvet was Frankie. He looked peaceful with one earphone in his left ear. My gaze followed the line of the white wire to see the other earphone was in Sam’s right ear. They were both snoring lightly, lying on their backs, both with an arm in the exact same position – cocked at an angle above their heads. That was enough to bring a huge lump to my throat, but what made the tears fall was when I noticed Frankie’s left arm was reaching up and his tiny hand was resting on his dad’s bicep, on the tattoo of an angel.
Sam
the present
I stretched myself out, trying to alleviate the back ache I’d woken with. As I did, the earphone dropped out of my ear, plopping onto the pillow next to me. It was then that I also noticed the little hand resting on my arm, and all sorts of shit started to rush through my head and my chest.
I turned my head to look at Frankie, holding my breath in case he woke. I just wanted a few minutes to look at him, without worrying that if my gaze stayed on him too long he’d recognise himself in my features. There was no denying he was a Cooper and I knew if anyone saw us together, it would be difficult to persuade them that we weren’t related.
His nose was a smaller version of mine, his eyes were the same shade of brown as mine and even his ears were the same shape. He was the epitome of a mini-me, except for the smattering of freckles on his nose and they were most definitely Maisie. It all was all too weird, but it was fucking amazing too and the emotions welling up inside of me were ones I never thought I’d ever feel and were as alien as fuck. For eight years I’d denied myself of this kid, denied him of a father, and even though I still wasn’t sure I was going to be any good at it, or even deserved it, I was beginning to think I wanted to try. I knew it was a big ask of Maisie to change her mind after just a couple of days of being around Frankie to let him and everyone else know that I was his dad, but she might at least let me be a friend to him.
Slowly I turned on my side, holding his hand in place on my arm and continued to watch him sleep, glad that he was and didn’t seem scared, as he had done when he’d sneaked into the lounge at three in the morning. I’d been awake, listening for the prick coming back, when the door pushed open and a little voice said.
“I think the men should sleep in the same room, it’ll be safer for Mum.”
I’d wanted to laugh at him calling himself a man, but even in the dim light I could see his tiny shoulders shaking and could hear the quake in his voice.
“You want the sofa?” I’d asked, pulling back the blanket that Maisie had given to me.
“No thanks, I’ve got my duvet and pillow.”
Frankie then moved further into the room, trailing his bedding behind him. He dropped it onto the floor, close to the sofa, and then moved over to the oak cabinet that the TV stood on. Kneeling down, he opened the bottom drawer and pulled out his iPod.
“I’m not allowed to have it at bedtime anymore,” he’d said, pushing the drawer closed. “Now he’s gone though, Mum might change her mind.”
I’d lifted myself up on my elbows to watch him and grinned to myself when he walked back to me, his gait long and lazy, just like mine. Frankie had then wrapped himself in his duvet and lay down, popping an earphone into his ear. I started to settle myself back down when he poked me in the arm.
“Here you go.” He handed me the other earphone. “Wigan Casino, forty Northern Soul tracks,” he announced and settled into his makeshift bed.
I had no idea what time either of us fell asleep, but Frankie’s humming stopped at track five, and I was pretty sure I only lasted another couple of tracks before I too fell asleep.
This was not what I’d expected to be doing on my Saturday morning, watching my son sleep, but I had to admit I was glad that Maisie had called me. The thought of what Josh might have done, had he got in, scared me. Even if I hadn’t had a connection to Maisie and Frankie, I would have been worried and would have wanted to help them, but knowing it was my own flesh and blood in danger had made me crazy with fucking deep black anger. If I’d caught the stupid prick I was pretty sure I’d have ended up in a police cell for assault and battery. On the drive over my only thought had been how I was going to smash his face in for scaring my kid.
Each time I’d thought of Frankie as ‘my kid’ over the last few days, it’d been when he was being scared by Josh, and each of those times I was willing to kill for him. And what sort of knob of a dad did that make me, only admitting he was mine when there were thoughts of violence swimming through every vein in my body? Not a good one that was for sure.
I sat up, letting Frankie’s hand fall against the sofa and then down onto the floor. He stirred a little, but turned onto his side and snuggled further under his duvet. Sighing heavily I dropped my feet to the floor and pushed up from the sofa, edging myself around Frankie’s sleeping form. I reached for my jeans and t-shirt pulled them on and then pushed my feet into my boots and left the lounge.
When I got to the kitchen, I’d planned on getting a drink of water and then leaving, but was shocked to see Maisie standing at the hob. She was shaking her hips as she stirred something in a pan with a wooden spoon. The radio was softly playing some crap pop tune, but she seemed to like it, if the way she was dancing was anything to go by. She was swaying from side to side with the occasional thrust of her left hip to one side, with a quick shake of her shoulders.
“You like this crap?” I asked.
“Oh my god,” she gasped, turning to me. “You scared me to death. I thought you were fast asleep.”
“Just woke up,” I replied, rubbing a hand over my face. “What’re you making?”
All thoughts of cutting and running were forgotten as I looked into the pan to see scrambled eggs and my stomach rumbled as I sniffed them.
“It’ll be ready in a couple of minutes,” Maisie said, turning to the toaster and pushing down the three slices of bread in it. “You can get the plates out for me, don’t bother with one for Frankie, he’ll sleep for a while longer.”
