I raised my brows, wondering how she could ask such a mundane fucking question after ripping my damn heart out.
“Fine,” I bit out.
“Not the same without coach, I bet,” Roger said, laughing. “God knows I missed her like mad those four months I was in Jamaica.”
“You were in Jamaica?” I asked, realising why she’d risked taking me to her home just the once and why since that time we only ever had sex with the smell of chlorine around us.
“Yeah man. My dad was ill and then died, so I had to sort things out. I went the week before Ali found out she was pregnant. That was one hell of a Skype session, when you told me and showed me the test, wasn’t it baby?”
Roger grabbed Ali’s hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead, his eyes closing as he did, and I knew at that moment I couldn’t break his fucking heart, it wasn’t his fault. As much as I wanted to and have him feel as shitty as I did, it wasn’t fair to him or the baby. She’d played us both.
“I’d better go,” I said, taking in a long breath. “I just wanted to say congratulations.”
“Hey thanks man, appreciate it,” Roger said, sitting in the chair I’d vacated earlier. “Come again, any time.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I knew I wouldn’t be going back. I wouldn’t be seeing Alison, Roger, or their baby ever again.
“We need to talk about your training,” Ali said tentatively.
I narrowed my eyes and curled my lip as though I’d just smelled shit in the air. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I could say, but the man sitting holding tightly to his wife’s hand didn’t deserve it, so I just nodded and left.
As I moved down the corridor to the exit, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I’d loved her, as much as an eighteen year old heart could. I’d been willing to be a father and a partner at a young age because she was the woman I loved. She’d helped me be great at the sport that I loved, she’d taught me how to be a generous lover and had given me dreams of a future full of her and our baby, and now it was all gone, ripped to shreds.
Reaching the exit door, I realised I was still holding onto the teddy bear. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want any reminder of the day my heart had been crushed. I looked around and seeing a waste bin, threw it in. I then went to my car and seeing my swim gear on the passenger seat, threw it into the back, knowing I’d never visit the pool again. I was going to start living my life like every other teenager and I’d make sure I’d never fall in love ever again.
Samuel
the present
I let out a long breath and gave my sister-in-law a look that most definitely said ‘I fucking hate you at this minute’. Amy, the cocky little shit, just grinned at me.
“You’re going to love it,” she said, bouncing on her feet like a demented toddler.
“No I’m not,” I ground out. “How the hell did I let you talk me into it?”
“You love me, but most of all you love Bella and you hate to see her upset and she’d be really upset if she had to give up her swimming lessons.”
I stuck out my tongue at my niece in Amy’s arms, making her giggle. “She’s two fucking years of age Amy, she’s hardly being trained for the Olympics.”
Amy’s face fell as she kissed Bella’s soft dark curls. “Don’t say that, she’s really good.”
“She splashes around doing the doggie paddle, so unless they’ve decided to include it as one of the strokes in the four by two hundred meter medley, I think she’s got a way to go.”
“She might have inherited your genes,” Amy grumbled. “Hopefully, the only ones of yours she has, but she still might end up being really good, and if you don’t do this and she isn’t able to come to Water Babies, we may never find out.”
I rolled my eyes and looked over Amy’s shoulder at the pool which was filled with kids playing with floats until their swimming lessons started – lessons that fucking Amy had talked me into taking when the regular teacher broke his leg.
I’d been a good swimmer in my youth, actually better than good, I was a county champion and according to Alison, my coach, I was on the edge of being picked for Team GB. In hindsight though, I didn’t think so. If I’d been that good one of their top coaches would have picked me up, or at least wanted to know why I gave it all up at eighteen. The thought of why I hadn’t carried on caused a shiver to run over my body and a little bit of bitterness to seep through my veins. The consequences of having an affair with your coach were harsh, because aside from ripping my heart out and shredding it, Alison Carmichael had taken away my desire to carry on in a sport that I loved. It didn’t matter whether she’d over exaggerated my chances of being a top swimmer or not, that’s what coaches often did to get the best out of you, but I’d been sixteen years of age when she took my virginity and the thought of it made me feel sick. She’d taken advantage of me and my stupid teenage crush and rush of hormones, so the thought of stepping inside a pool again was abhorrent to me. My need to swim was soon replaced with a desire for girls and booze, which definitely did end any chances I might have had.
“I actually don’t understand how me teaching the intermediate class impacts the Water Babies,” I groaned. “Their teacher hasn’t gone missing with a broken bone.”
Amy sighed in exasperation and shifted Bella on her hip. “I told you this before. If you don’t do the intermediate class, Victoria will have to, which means there’s no one to teach Water Babies.”
I glanced at the pool again, my fingers twitching at my side as water splashed against my leg. The clear water was calling me and I suddenly realised how much I’d missed it; cutting through the water with a feeling of weightlessness, the warm ache in my muscles and the smell of chlorine on my body.
“How many in the class?” I asked.
“Seven, all new starters tonight.” Amy smoothed a hand over her daughter’s head and pouted. “It would be a shame to waste the DBS check that you passed with flying colours. I mean, why go to all that trouble, Sam, if you’re not going to do it?”
