I’m not exactly a big girl so now that I’m carrying a basketball in my belly, I have to actively try not to waddle. I’ve been walking every day to keep myself active and healthy, but even that can’t seem to change the fact that my stomach gets in the way a little. I have just under three months left in this pregnancy and I’m not ready to admit defeat and start waddling just yet. He notices and for a second I think I see a look of disgust followed by a small wince. But before I can tell if that’s true, it’s gone and he has a charming smile plastered on his face.
“Hey babe! Congratulations! You did it! You’re a real life soldier now.” I say, a little awe struck at how good he looks in his fatigues. He’s filled out a bit and my crazy pregnancy hormones are definitely appreciative. Damn, I’m a horny bitch.
“Yeah, bootcamp does that to a guy. Most of my brothers here are ready to be done and move on to the bitches though.” He laughs, and I pull back.
“Um, what?” I ask, angry on behalf of all womankind and slightly disgusted that something like that would even come out of his mouth. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, because that is definitely something the old Benji would say. He’s never been one to think before he says or does things. Back before I found out I was pregnant, I was very much the same. Immature and honestly, a little too crazy, but I’m not taking any chances with messing up my daughter. I’m not just living for myself now and while I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to do my best to be better. It’s time to grow up.
“Oh, not me. I’m a one woman man now. You know that. No need to get all pissy over a little inside joke with the guys. We are all a little worked up after months of nothing but a sausage fest. If my mom and grandma weren’t with you, I’d probably already have you bent over the car.” He winks and smirks. Um, sorry not sorry, but none of that was even remotely close to being acceptable to say. What happened to the guy from the letters? The guy that was sweet and thoughtful from our phone calls seems to be MIA. Am I just hormonal or is all of that as gross as it sounds to my brain?
“I’m going to ignore everything you just said and chalk it up to nerves now that we’re face to face. How about we start over, yeah?” I ask, doing my best to not retreat and run. I’m giving him a chance. I’m giving him a chance. I love him. I love him? Do I love a moron? Will his stupidity rub off on my daughter? Is that a genetic trait? Oh. My. God.
I really hope I’m just crazy due to hormones and overreacting. In fact, I’m going to go with that for the time being. I’m just being sensitive.
“Hi there little monkey." He crouches down and starts talking to my tummy. “Mommy says you like to hang on her ribs, so I hope it’s okay that I call you monkey from here on out.” He says, causing my princess to start kicking. I grab his hand and place it on my stomach so that he can feel his daughter move around. The first time I ever felt it outside of the butterfly swirls that no one else could see or feel, I cried. He looks up at me and smiles, but he doesn’t show the same level of enthusiasm that I had, which makes sense I guess, since he can’t feel her growing like I can. I can’t expect him to feel like I do, right?
“That’s pretty cool,” is all he says, before grabbing my hand and leading me to his family.
They stayed by the car to give us a moment of privacy and now I’m thankful for it because I’m feeling slightly let down by his response. This is a new me though and it’s not terrible that he’s not jumping up and down in excitement. I’m not going to be the pessimistic bitch from before and judge him for his lack of enthusiasm. I’m determined to stick this out and do my best to ensure my daughter has a good life and a good relationship with her dad. She deserves what I never had.
We reach the car and the more I see him with the women in his family, the more I’m finding myself feeling more and more withdrawn. Benji gets fawned over by his mom and grandma and it’s an almost uncomfortable level of affection.
I’ve still not told him the truth of how they treat me behind closed doors. Sure, when he’s around they’re polite enough. There’s a lot of backhanded compliments or condescending comments though. To the point that every encounter I’ve had with them has been uncomfortable and sometimes things are downright fucked up. I haven’t ratted them out, and I definitely won’t be the one to tell him that all of the money that Benji was supposedly sending me to pay bills and buy food, hasn’t been getting to me all this time. Their messed up familial drama is not my problem and I’m not about to make it my business.
The bills have been getting paid, because she can’t outright hold back the money that’s been given an ultimate purpose, and she knows Benji checks the bank statements to see where everything is going. So yeah, she pays most of the bills.
Apparently, she told B that she takes out extra cash for the grocery runs and just pays the internet in cash since there’s a physical store near the grocer. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she’s pocketing that money. It’s no wonder Benji sort of sucked when I first dated him.
When Kimmy came to pick me up for this trip she brought a substantial amount of non-perishable groceries with her so the kitchen is fully stocked when her son comes home, but I’ve been buying all my own shit. Honestly though, I have no problem taking care of myself and my daughter. Maybe I’m too proud for my own good. I probably should say something, but why cause an issue when I’ve been fine taking care of us on my own.
I’d get along perfectly well on my own dime if needed. I can afford everything myself now that I’ve started on at Lancaster Security as an IT tech. They are based out of Texas but provide security nationwide so I’m able to work remotely from home. It’s honestly the craziest thing I could’ve imagined—better than I could’ve hoped for really.
“Benny baby! Oh my goodness, you’re such a man now! I’m so proud of you!” his mom gushes over him. She’s overly affectionate in a way that is wholly disconcerting, but he makes no move to get away from her so to each their own I guess.
“Hey mama, I’ve missed you.” He smiles in a way I’ve not seen before. It’s a special smile only meant for his mom apparently. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but their relationship makes me feel cringy and gross. It could also be that I hate her because she’s evil and I’m resentful that she wanted to take my baby…
Okay, so maybe I’m still a bit more immature than I’d like to admit, but I’ve grown up relying on my instincts and she gives me a bad feeling whenever she’s around and I’d be an idiot not to trust it.
“Let’s go sightseeing and then I want to spend some quality time with my girls, that okay with you?” He asks his mom, missing the glare she sends my way before plastering on the fakest smile I’ve ever seen and nodding her consent.
One day I’m going to figure out what’s wrong with that woman. She clearly wants me out of the picture, but why? Does she want to live happily ever after with my boyfriend and child? Is she mentally ill? This whole family is so weird. I can only hope things get better than this in our future.
Twelve
I like great sex and I cannot lie
Aria
August 2017
“Fuck yes!” Benji screams, slowing down after plowing into me from behind for less than five minutes. “You feel so good baby. God, I’ve missed you so much,” he says hoarsely, pulling out of me and leaving me to clean up his mess.
I move to stand, then go into the bathroom and grab a washrag and ungracefully attempt to wipe away the cum dripping down my legs. I throw the towel into the small laundry bin provided by the hotel and make my way back out to the room to have an awkward conversation with Benji.
“Uh, Benj?” I call out to get his attention. He’s posted up in post-coital bliss against the headboard with his arms tucked behind his head, his flaccid dick out, and his legs crossed at his ankles to showcase how happily relaxed he is. This is going to suck. “So, um. Well, the thing is… Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m glad you got off and everything, but I didn’t.” I grimace, hating that I have to say it in the first place.
His hands fall to his sides and he cocks his head, his face all twisted up in confusion as he contemplates what I’ve just said. “What? You were making noises…” his voice trails off as he tries to find reasoning in his failure in satisfying a woman.
“Well, yeah, because things were starting to feel good, but I was nowhere near ready to come. Normally I wouldn’t say anything, but if we’re going to do this thing long term, I’m going to be honest with you. You want a lifetime and that’s way too long to go without orgasms.”
