“I think we should back off. I know you’re not stupid enough to recognize trauma when you see it. We live and breathe it in our jobs and you’re not ignorant to it either, Jace. We can try to be her friends, maybe, but even that might be too much for her. You guys are coming on too strong.” Ethan says firmly, his mouth etched in a frown. I can see it all too clearly as he becomes lost to thoughts of his past. “You do realize that this level of concern for humankind is abnormal, even for you. What is it about her that has you and Jace all twisted up? After meeting her, I sort of understand. Even I feel compelled to go above and beyond for her and her daughter, but that doesn’t mean we should.”
“She’s just—fuck dude, I’m not sure. There’s just something about her. The moment she had a PTSD flashback and I couldn’t help her, I knew I needed to be there for her in any way she’d let me for as long as she’d allow it,” he says, heaving a big breath. “Part of me feels guilty that we’ve been essentially forcing her to accept our help and friendship, but fuck if I can stop myself. When I first saw her little girl crying out for her, those big deep blue eyes round with worry and filled to the brim with tears, I knew my heart wasn’t my own anymore. That’s crazy right?” he huffs a small derisive laugh and I force myself to swallow my next words.
We’ve never been in a situation where we’ve all liked the same woman and I’d bet big money that Ethan feels the exact same way, he’s just not someone who’ll let himself have her, even if she lets him. We’ve also never been in a situation where the woman we care for wants nothing to do with men—or even most people in general. Nor have we ever all actually liked the same woman. Our tastes are usually very different. It’s one of the reasons I know Aria and Hadley are special.
“I feel like I need to tell you that I feel the same way, because while I definitely don’t think she wants anything to do with any of us, if that ever changes down the road, I’d hate it if anything came between us. Do you think we should keep pursuing a friendship with the one woman on the planet that could potentially tear us apart? We’ve been friends since diapers. I’m not sure I could handle losing you anymore than I could handle losing her. How fucked up is that?” I say, truly perplexed at the situation we’ve found ourselves in.
“I think we should make a pact that whatever she decides she wants, we give her. She could tell us all to fuck off after brunch and that’s what we do. She could tell us she wants one of us, or all of us, and we give it to her. Nothing about that woman is easy and I’ll be damned if I’m not willing to put in the work to be a part of her life in one way or another.” Cooper says, determination written all over his face.
“All of us?” Ethan latches onto the strangest part of his statement. “As in, if she wanted a poly relationship, you’d be okay with that?” he questions, not looking altogether upset at the thought. I wonder if that would relieve some of the pressure for him in all the ways he struggles to develop relationships
“I think I would be.” I cut in. “Okay with that kind of relationship, I mean. That woman is magic and her daughter’s like sunshine, warming our hearts and fueling our fire to make their lives everything they could ever want. I’m all in,” I tell them.
I watch them look deeper to see if I have any doubt in my gaze. I don’t. I’m as serious as the day I told them I was going to be a marine.
One look into Coop’s eyes and I know he means this down into the depths of his kind hearted soul. He’s a good man and he has a heart of gold. He means this. Definitely not one to hurt a single mom, I can see that he really cares for her and wants what’s best for her, even if that means letting her go eventually. I know the feeling.
“I’m in.” Cooper agrees, reinstating his feelings on the matter.
We both look at Ethan and while I wish I could say I know he’d jump in with both feet, I can see the trepidation written all over him. He’s not ready for something like this. Cooper and Ethan work really dangerous jobs, putting their lives on the line daily.
I can see the questions running through his head as clearly as if they were my own. I’m not even surprised when he starts talking. “Is it fair to put her through something like that? Making her care for them and then putting themselves at risk in such big ways. Possibly giving Hadley positive male figures and then jeopardizing it with the possibility of having them ripped from her life too soon? What about everything we don’t know about her? What if we fall for her and love her daughter and then something bad happens to them, or Hadley's father shows up unexpectedly. What if she willingly chooses to leave us one day…” his voice trails off, the what if’s are blatantly apparent and eating away at him. “And what about Jace? He sometimes gets lost to his own PTSD. He not only bears the physical scars of war, but also the mental ones that take him away from us from time to time. Then there’s the stuff with your mom, Coop. Then there’s me… the kind of baggage we bring is heavy. It’s too much. It’s not fair to her or that little girl,” he breathes, falling further into his own mind. “Sometimes I hear the nightmares that torture Jace throughout the night. His screams of pain echo through this big old house like ghosts haunting us all. Is it fair that he carries the weight of his own pain and the weight of hers without buckling? Is it fair to any of us? Our damage… none of it’s easy, is it?”
He looks at us with so much pain seeping out of him. Coop and I move at the same time, hugging him close to us. When we finally pull away, I look into the eyes of the men that know me better than my own family and see understanding and compassion reflected back at me.
“No one’s telling you that you have to make any decisions when it comes to those girls. For now, can we agree that we’d all like to just be her friend?” I ask. He takes a minute to respond and I appreciate the thought he puts into it.
“All right guys. I’m in. Now let’s just hope she doesn’t tell us to fuck off because I’d like to at least get to know her. Who could turn down Friday night dancing, Saturday adventures, and Sunday mimosas?”
Twenty-Six
What in the sex god, book boyfriend, hormone induced bullshit is this?
Aria
November 2020
“You guys work fast.” Demi says, staring lovingly at the smorgasbord of breakfast foods.
If she doesn’t eat soon, she might ruin all the deliciousness with her drool. Not that I blame her, it all looks and smells delicious. These guys definitely outdid themselves.
There’s scrambled eggs, fried eggs, cinnamon rolls that have been smashed down and made into french toast, waffles, fruit, yogurt, hash browns, bacon, and sausage. Not to mention there’s orange juice, apple juice, ice water, coffee, champagne, and sparkling cider with a tiny baby version of a champagne flute next to it.
“How long have you been planning this?” I ask suspiciously, while eyeing the baby cup. I move Hadley to my hip furthest away from them out of habit and they all notice.
“I saw that when I ran to the market for drink supplies and couldn’t pass it up since you said mimosas happen on Sundays. Wouldn’t want Little Miss here to feel left out.” Ethan says, gesturing to Hadley, who eats up the attention and reaches out for him.
He smiles—a real genuine smile—and waves at her but doesn’t make a move to grab her like she wants. I appreciate that he’s respectful of my boundaries. The trouble starts when she squeals and reaches for him again yelling, “Mine”, while clenching her tiny toddler fists in a ‘gimme’ motion.
I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I truly don’t think he’d harm her. In fact, I get the distinct impression that any one of these guys would put themselves in harm’s way before letting anything happen to her. While my heart believes that to be true, my mind plays evil tricks on me, reminding me over and over again that her own flesh and blood father wanted to harm her. He’d have hurt her and enjoyed it. If he’s capable of such things, who’s to say three men whom we have no connection to won’t do the same, or worse.
Recognizing the terror freezing me in place, Ethan lifts his hands, as if to say, “I mean no harm”. Then he moves slowly toward Hadley and I and pulls a seat out at the table, gesturing for us to sit. I move with reluctance, but follow his request, placing my daughter in my lap as she watches him with careful consideration.
When he crouches down to her level, he makes sure to maintain a healthy distance, and I feel Tate and Demi move to stand behind me. They likely knew I’d need their reassurance in this moment, because I’ve once again stopped breathing as I watch him with my baby girl.
“Hi Sweetheart. My name is Ethan. Can you say Ethan?”
“Efan, Efan! Mine!” she yells excitedly.
