“I am a mother, Des. I cannot just have a littlefun.”
“Whyever the fuck not. That boy is growing like a weed, he’ll be a teenager soon, and he’ll be out with friends and girlfriends. Do you want to be stuck at home watching those old black and white movies alone waiting up for him?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds awful.” I sulk.
“Babe, you had your whole life planned out. I get that. You were handed a fucking shitty hand, and I am sorry for that. But you deserve a life, some happiness, a bit of fun. It doesn’t have to be Ember, but maybe it’s time to just let yourself go a little. If you need a babysitter to avoid Grady being all up in your business, I’m here.”
I look out at the boys playing in the jungle gym Drew built a few months before the accident. I thought it was premature. Brody was just two-years-old then, and now here he is swinging from the bars like a monkey. Time waits for no man. It shifts and moves and flows, and all we can do is go along with it.
“I’m afraid. Really afraid,” I admit.
“And I don’t blame you for being scared.” She reaches a hand and places it on top of mine. “But never let that fear prevent you from living.”
“But he’s a firefighter, Des. I’d be a fool to get into a relationship with someone who risks his life every single day, the way my dead husband did. How can I not fear that every time that scanner goes off, he’ll have to go out there and risk his life? How can I open myself up, even if it is just casual, to the same kind of situation that broke me in the first place.” I take a deep breath and down my glass of wine.
“Only you can answer those questions, but I want you to know that we have to go into most situations in life with our eyes wide open. An abused child finds the courage to trust again, a deceived spouse finds love again, a mother who has lost a child, gives birth to another, and loves them despite the loss.” She looks over at the boys and smiles. “Trust isn’t the absence of fear or denial that everything could go wrong; it is the ability to push through that fear and maybe, just maybe see the light on the other side.”
I pour her another glass. “You’re pretty wise.”
“It happens from time to time.” She laughs. “If it isn’t Ember, then someone is going to come along and make you wonder what if. But if it is him, then baby steps is all you need to take right now.”
My phone beeps, and I see it’s a message from an unknown number. I open it.
Unknown: How about that date? E
I feel butterflies in my stomach instantly knowing it’s Ember. Only he would be cocky enough to sign off with his initials and expect me to know it’s him—that and the fact that I don’t get texts from guys asking me out. I smile and bite my lip, casting a sly look at Desi before responding. She’s scrolling through her phone.
Me: No kissing.
E: Until you beg me for it.
My stomach catapults.
E: And you will.
I laugh out loud at that. “It’s him,” I tell Desi.
“And?”
“I might have agreed to a date.” I shrug. She squeals. Okay, this calls for a celebration. “I am getting another bottle. You sit tight. I’ll be back to hear all the details.” She stands and sways slightly over to the sliding door. I don’t think she should drink anymore. I smirk, shaking my head.
E: Around 6? Wanna show you something.That seems kind of soon. I don’t know. Looking at Brody, I realize that my life isn’t as straightforward and spontaneous as Ember’s is. Could that be strike one?
Me: I doubt I’ll get a babysitter at such short notice.And Desi has had a bit too much to drink to have her taking care of the boys.
E: Already have one. ;) She’s picking the boys up in an hour.I should have known he’d have that sorted out. The man isn’t used to taking no for an answer, that’s for sure.
E: Oh, and wear a bathing suit.His next message comes through just as I’m typing a reply.
Me: Seriously?
E” Oh, I am always serious, firefly.’
Me: Don’t make me regret this.
E: No chance. xo
“You have a look,” Desi says as she sits down with another bottle of wine.
