"Have you spoken to Cohen about it?" she asks, leaning in, so Bronwyn doesn't pry.
I roll my eyes. “He thinks I have an overactive imagination.”
“He has a point,” Chelsea shrugs, "But," she holds her hands up in defense. "I would take this more seriously if you really do think someone is tailing you."
I shake my head. “It’s probably nothing.” Saying it out loud does make it even more unbelievable.
"Well, if you feel unsafe, anytime, just call me, and I will meet you wherever."
"Thanks, babe. Look let's not talk about this. Have you decided if you’re going to move in with Kurt?" I wiggle my brows, pretending to be interested.
Chelsea talks, but it sounds distant, like listening to someone while you’re under water. The words on the screen stare back at me.
We grow accustomed to the Dark
When Light is put away
Chapter 11
Sinclair
Fifteen years ago
The accident
There are worse things than being pregnant in the summer. Like being pregnant in the winter and having to drag myself out of bed in the freezing cold to use the toilet. The bed is empty like it has been for a couple of nights now. This new job means Cohen has to work late into the night. I open the bedroom door without a sound and tiptoe out of the room and toward his study. I miss him. Life wasn't always this busy and stressful. I open his study door and my eyes widen. He's sitting on the couch, his back is to me, his laptop on the small table. There's a woman on the screen, kneading her breasts, telling my husband to fuck her harder. He groans, his head back, his shoulders moving, getting off to her words. I want to close the door and back away, laugh at him for getting caught watching porn, but then I freeze, "I can't wait to be in you again, baby," he hisses.
“Oh, Cohen, I want that too, come for me,”
She's just a porn star, I tell myself.
I move back, away from the door but I’m stuck. My hands tremble, my legs are shaky as I make my way back to the safety of my bedroom.
But why did he say that? Again?
He's been stressed. I haven't been in the mood. He isn't cheating? Not like that. I crawl back into bed, and I shut my eyes, reminding myself that he's not like that. Cohen is too predictable to do something like that. He loves me too much. Don't I enjoy a bit of smut? Doesn't it turn me on? This is just like that. I shut my eyes and will myself not to cry, not to overreact, not to believe that this, what I have just witnessed, is anything more than that. I hear him come into the room. It must be an hour that I've been lying here, unable to move. He slips in next to me and makes no move to hold me.Why is that, Cohen? Someone else on your mind?
Soft snores fill the silence, and I stand and make my way to my office, curling up on the loveseat. Things always look better in the morning.
I wake up at the crack of dawn, my body aching, and my mind a muddled mess. I drag myself off the loveseat and back to my bedroom, where Cohen sleeps soundly. I have never been a paranoid woman nor an insecure one. I pride myself on those things. While the other women snoop, checking phones and pockets, I let my husband have his privacy and freedom.
So I don’t know what drives me to open his laptop and log in to his Myspace, scouring through his contacts, none of whom match the bitch. I close my laptop, feeling much better about myself.I take his phone and open his messages. There are several from a number he has saved as Minx.
I can’t wait to have you in me.It was sent last night.
C: Just a few more hours.The asshole responded.
My heart pounds in my chest. One line, and it feels like my world is falling apart.
I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. I should ask him about it. I really should. A cramp in my lower belly makes me squeak. That's new. I rub my belly and remind myself that there are more important things to focus on. Cohen stirs, and he smiles when he sees me, "You're up already."
“Yeah, I couldn't sleep.”
“Little man keeping you up?" He runs a hand over my belly, and I try not to flinch at his touch.
I don’t have the energy to argue the way we usually do, about whether our baby is a boy or girl. He leans over and places a kiss on my forehead, then climbs out of bed.
“In a hurry this morning?”
