Chapter 9
Tara
20-years-old
Sarah offered to pay for my college tuition, and I let her. She owed me that much at least. I knew that she just wanted me out of the house and out of the way. I knew that her life was a facade, and she hated that. The only reason he kept her around was the twins. He didn't love her, not the way my father had, and I think she knew that. I wondered if he ever did love her. Love doesn't leave you alone at home most nights pretending to be away on business. I heard them argue I listened to the muffled sobs, and I saw the bruises she tried too hard to hide. That was her lot, the life she'd chosen for herself.
There was no logic in what Marcus and Sarah expected. The twins were almost ten and demanded to see me which aggravated them both. Those girls had minds of their own, and Mommy and Daddy couldn't tell them what to do. They were beacons of hope for me in those days while I had to tolerate not being good enough for my mother and her husband. Eventually, we didn't need permission With a medicated mother and a father that worked as much as Marcus did, we got close when I was at home. Eventually, though, I had to leave the nest to go to college.
As I planned to, I got into college and went into arts and literature, majoring in writing. I spent most of my days writing and worked at a bar at night. I met Sam, an artist, at orientation His dad owned a bar, and he got me a job there. The hours were short, and the pay was decent. One of Marcus' conditions was that I get and keep a job throughout my tuition, so this worked out perfectly. I shared an apartment with one of the girls from my class, and most of the time, I was happy.
I didn't want to think about what could have been, where I would have been if my life had turned out differently I just wanted to continue living as best I could.
I was wiping down the bar one night when I felt his eyes on my back. I felt him before I saw him. He sat in the corner, hard to miss, but I would recognize him anywhere. He looked badass in his black leather jacket and aviator shades. I hadn't seen him in over five years, but the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew.
When his family moved to England, we kept in touch for a while, but the letters and communication dwindled as I expected they would, until eventually, I heard nothing from him. There were so many speculations.
I’d believed that he hadn’t wanted to be contacted, at least not by me. I was a fool to think that he was any better than the rest of them. I was a child when I fell in love with him, I was gullible then. I'd grown up since. Well, I hoped so. Seeing him again made me nervous.
“Tiara,” I hated the way he said that and the way it made me feel when he did.
"Jude," I took a seat across from him. "Long time," I tried to remain nonchalant, but that was impossible with the way my pulse sped up just being in the same vicinity as him.
"You look good, babe," he smirked, and I rolled my eyes.
“What are you doing here, Jude? It can hardly be a coincidence that you’re here, in the bar I’m working in.” I sighed.
“I had to see you,”
Be still my heart.
“I haven't seen you in what, five years? Why would you want to see me now?”
“It’s your birthday.”
I sucked in a breath. How could he remember my birthday after all these years? I hadn't even told Sam because I knew he would make a fuss. I shook my head.
“You sure didn’t care about my last 5 birthdays.” I tried to remind myself that this was the guy who abandoned me. He promised that we’d be together, but he’d lied.
"I had to see you," he leaned toward me. He kept his shades on, and all I wanted was to see those eyes Those eyes that looked at me like I mattered, like I was everything there was and more.
He instantly reached up to remove his shades.
"Why, Jude? Why'd you stay away so long? I tried contacting you, but it was impossible. You didn't even have the decency to let me know that you wanted nothing to do with me."
He sighed and brushed his hands across his face.
"Life happened, Tara. My parents finally got a divorce. That had been a long time coming, and I was in a fucked up place. I lost myself in college, and when I started my residency in Leeds, I focused solely on that, trying to keep my mind off everything. The hurt my mother was going through."
“I get that. But I would have been there for you if you’d let me. I just thought...” I trailed off, “Never mind what I thought.”
"I couldn't come back here and see you because if I did, I wouldn't have been able to leave, and I needed to be there for my mother and Ben."
He reached across the table and took my hands in his, rubbing my knuckles.
And just like that, I was sold.
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