39
Wyatt
2018
“Should we call the police, show them this?” Her voice is desperate, her skin pales from the shock of what we just saw.
“We can’t, Hay. This is strictly off the book. This matter is not FBI business, and Blake could be in deep if it gets out he’s helping a civilian.” I reach out and take her hand in mine.
“We can’t just sit on this. We should tell Logan.” I throw her a warning glare. There is no fucking way I am going to tell Logan.
“No!” I can’t explain why I need to keep this from him. I don’t want him swooping in and taking over. “The fewer people who know, the better the chances I have of finding her.”
“You’re going to look for her on your own?”
“Yes. I have to do this. I can’t wait for the cops, and Blake is going to help me out.”
Blake turns and offers me a salute. “Nobody can know about this. Not yet.”
She nods. “Okay, Wy, if you think that’s best.”
I wrap my arms around her shoulders, bringing her closer to me. “We're going to find her. I promise you that.”
I may not have kept my promises in the past, but this time is different. I wouldn’t break it, because if I failed, I’d be shattered.
My daughter wove her way into my heart instantaneously. I adored her the moment she stood in that flower shop, hands on her hips calling me Mister. I love the moment I knew she was mine, and I will give up my own life to make sure she’s okay. Oh, baby girl, hang in there. Daddy’s coming.
* * *
Sittingat my kitchen table later that evening, I decide to open the little pink notebook. Hayley probably knows I swiped the journal, but she didn’t say anything about it. I hate reading through London’s thoughts. A diary is a private thing, but I have a feeling I must. There were so many entries even though she only started it this year. It’s filled with typical kid stuff. She mentions a boy named Ethan a lot, and my brow furrows. Ethan hasn't met me. Eight-year-old asshole.
5 September
So this jerk comes into the shop and shouts for Mommy. But I told him he could not do that. He was a meanie. I wanted to kick him. I really did. I could have taken him on.
I laugh.That’s fierce. London’s gonna be okay. She knows whoever has her, and it is only a matter of time before she asks for her mother. And when she doesn’t get what she wants, she is smart enough to know something is off. It’s what I’m counting on.
10 September
...Mrs. Noack read us a story today. It was sad and didn’t make me feel very nice inside. It was about a dog called Winn Dixie. He was a really awful pet but a good friend. I think Mom needs a friend like that. She’s been really sad since she got back from Grans, not even her flowers make her happy anymore...
She loves her mom,there is no doubt about that. I wonder what made Hayley so sad, and then it hits me. She had just gotten back from Erin's funeral around that time. What had she felt watching me grieve for another woman I loved? What did she think when I followed her out there, begging her to stay? I didn’t want to hurt her. I barely knew what I was doing half the time. I was not in control of my emotions, but I understand now it was because I was drawn to Hayley, even then in my saddest hour. I was looking to her for comfort. I wanted to stay at her house tonight, but I didn’t think she needed to explain to both our mothers why I was sleeping in her bed. I close my eyes, London’s laugh on my mind. Her laughter makes me grit my teeth. I pray for sleep.
“Daddy,” her voice calls out to me from the darkness. I try opening my eyes, but I can't. My body is leaden. I’m in sleep paralysis.
“Help me!” I shout, but no words leave my lips.
I try to open my eyes again, and it works. My eyes adjust to the darkened room I’m in. I sit up and look around me, and then I see London being rushed out into the crowd by the woman with brown hair.
“Daddy, please come to find me.”
I wake with a gasp,sweat covering my body despite the icy weather. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, thinking about the dream. There was something about all this which was not falling into place. I check my phone, and there is a text from Hayley, telling me she couldn’t sleep. I want to text back but decide I’d rather pay her a visit.
I walk into the house, and three startled faces look at me. I can tell none of them slept much last night.
Hayley’s eyes are sunken, and she has a ghostly paleness to her skin. She’s wearing loose pajamas and slippers and looks wan like she hasn’t eaten a thing.
“Wyatt?” My mom stands and comes in for a hug. “So glad you’re here. She needs you.” She whispers the last part. She was so thrilled when I told her about London, and she confessed that Hayley had told her but asked that she allow Hayley to confront me when she was ready. We’d even been to visit her a few times with London.
