I climb back into the truck and wrap my arms around her.
“You’re so beautiful when you sleep. You’re like Sleeping Beauty in those stories girls liked growing up.”
“And you’re my Prince Charming.”
“I could hardly say that, sunshine.”
She stretches and wiggles in my arms. “I’m hungry,” she giggles. “You could at least feed me.”
I kiss her cheek and forehead, not wanting to move, wanting the world to still and time to halt where it’s just us, here, forever.
“Let’s get some breakfast then,” I say, sucking in a breath. It’s hard not to make love to her again under the early rays of the morning.
We freshen up at the campsite restrooms, and I pack up the truck while she stands looking at the town in daylight. Strands of her hair blow in the wind, and she seems happy. If only I could make sure she stays that way.
She leans against me as we drive to the diner at the foot of the mountain.
They are always open at the break of dawn and make the best pancakes and coffee. I order us some, and we take a seat at a booth. This used to be a regular hangout for teenagers back in high school, and even when we had that fallout, I’d watch Hayley with her friends, wishing I could bring up the courage to go over and speak to her.
She gulps down the pancakes and reaches for one of mine. I laugh.
“Why’d you stop talking to me in high school?” she asks out of the blue.
Her question startles me, and I know she’s been thinking about the times we used to meet here. I was a rebellious teenager. I wound up getting into the wrong company. I knew she’d have followed me down that road, so I did what I thought was best — kept a distance.
“It was a strange time, Hay. I was pretty messed up back then, and you were too innocent.”
“I had the biggest crush on you, you know,” she smirks. “I hated that you wouldn’t speak to me.”
“I wanted nothing more than to speak to you. I wanted you, but I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship. It meant too much.”
She smiles at me, an easy smile. One meant just for me. I hate what I need to say, but I know I have to say it, for both our sakes. Last night was one of the most perfect nights of my life. It was something I spent years dreaming about, but she deserves better. She deserves so much more than I could give.
“Hayley . . .” I rub my hands over my face. “Last night was— These last two weeks have been beyond incredible, so much more than I could hope for, so much more than I expected coming home again after all this time.”
She looks at me eagerly, and I know that my next line is not what she will be expecting to hear.
“I care about you so much, but I won’t let you wait for me. I won’t let you spend each day fearing whether I’m coming home or not. I won’t let you be in a relationship with me when you’re going to see me a few days every couple of years. This isn’t what I want for you.”
She stops eating and stares at me. “What about what I want, Wyatt? Does that even factor into any of this?”
“Of course, it does, but—”
“Just stop, I cannot believe how stupid I’ve been. You’re actually doing this now, after everything, after—”
“You deserve more, Hayley.” I have to make her understand. “You deserve a man who is there for you every single day. You deserve a family that stays under one roof. I can’t give that to you right now. This is who I am, and I don’t see that changing.”
“What I want is you, Wyatt. You’re what I have always wanted.” She glares at me. “But that is obviously not what you want. You have your whole mind made up, don’t you? How many couples survive the army? They survive, and you know why?” She grits her teeth. “They survive because they refuse to be cowards and give up without even seeing where a relationship goes. Look at your parents. Families are living on base. This is not the fucking World War.”
She is wrong. My mother cried each night my father was away. She couldn’t eat nor sleep when he was somewhere in Afghanistan. They fought all the time, and he missed out on so much of life with my mother and me. Things only ever settled down when he was discharged from duty.
“Seven years, Hayley. That is what I signed up for, and that is what I intend to do. I can’t expect you to put your life on hold for me. You’re too young to settle down.”
“Too young, and what? You’re like a hundred? Look, I have to go. I won’t sit here and listen to this bullshit. Every word coming out of your mouth makes me want to puke.”
She stands, making her way toward the door. I run up behind her and wrap my hand gently around her wrist to stop her.
“Just hear me out.” I shake my head. “Argh. What I’m saying isn’t coming out right. There are like a million things in my head . . .”
