Carl walks up behind Logan in a lime-green shirt and skinny jeans. Just in time, I think. These weekly dinners wouldn’t be the same without Carl’s colorful character.
Carl shrieks when he sees London, and Logan sets her down. Carl and my little firefly giggle and kiss as we make our way inside.
“Great to see you again, Logan. Looking as scrumptious as ever.” Carl winks, and I have to hide a snicker.
I can’t deny that Logan is good looking in his black button-down and grey pants. He’s average height, brown hair, hard-set chocolate eyes, and a smile that could melt your heart. It’s a wonder he’s still single. But that ’s partially my fault, I guess.
We’d been engaged for a while, and there was no doubt he loves me. One stupid mistake cost me a relationship and left us both heartbroken. I am the problem. I can’t stop loving a man who put everything before me. Logan and I stayed friends, for London’s sake. He is a great father and loves her with all his heart. He’s so much more involved than I expected him to be.
We do the family dinners once or twice a week, outings, and have even taken a vacation together. But we agreed nothing romantic could develop between us. We are great parents and good friends, but we were not meant to be lovers.
But lately he’s been more affectionate, his hugs lingering a bit longer, his gaze flitting to mine every now and then.
I did love him, just not the way he wanted me to. I wasn’t ready to open up my heart. I did that once, and it hurt too much when it fell apart. Carl tells me to live on the edge. How do I do that when I barely survived my last fall?
Logan sits on the couch with London as Carl and I put the finishing touches on an already stunning table.
“He’s so into you, honey,” Carl whispers.
I place a finger to my lips. “Logan could overhear us.”
“Babe, give the man a chance. Who knows what could come of it? You’re both hot, single, and you have a kid.” He cocks an eyebrow.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Simplify it then. When was the last time you had sex?”
“Carl,” I hiss.
“Uh huh.” He shakes his head. “You. Need. To. Get. Laid,” he emphasizes the words.
“I’m just fine, thank you very much,” I sulk.
“Look, all I’m saying is the man is fine. If he were into guys, I’d be all over that.”
I shake my head but can’t help the smile that finds its way on my face.
I look over at Logan, and he winks at me. I raise my glass of wine in salute.
I place the small bouquet Carl did in the center, and we sit around the table. And before we tuck in, I say thanks my family is sitting around the table with me, for loving me, in spite of my imperfections.
I knew I couldn’t ask for more.
Then why is it that my heart hurts, and I can't get the image of Wyatt in the rain out of my mind?
* * *
“How is he?”
We are seated on my porch, glasses of Sauvignon Blanc in our hands. Carl left an hour ago, and Logan and I sit chatting while London sleeps upstairs. I spent the last half hour telling him about my trip to Wyatt’s wife's funeral. We hadn’t talked about it since I got back.
“Pretty torn up about his wife. We didn’t speak much. He was in a world of his own, and I regretted being there the whole while.”
“It must have been hard, seeing him after all this time.”
“It was, but seeing him again, mourning his wife, just made everything seem more real to me. The fact is, he never wanted more. Well, not with me.”
Logan considers me. “You always deserved so much more, Hayley.”
