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“Hm.” The emperor traced an abstract design in the tea that had spilled on the table. “Once again, Nikidik, you make a valid point.”

“He absolutely does not!” Yudit protested.

The emperor clapped his hands together sharply. The door opened, and the guards swarmed back in. They must have been loitering just outside.

“A little extra motivation never hurt anyone.” He motioned his head toward Yudit. A pair of guards clamped their hands on her shoulders and hauled her to her feet. “While you’re away, Sir Jules, your brother will stay by my side. Don’t worry. As long as you arrive in two weeks with my bride, he won’t be touched.”

Yudit and I exchanged a panicked glance. “We travel everywhere together,” I said. “If there’s any other—”

“My decision is final.” He made a shooing motion with his hands, and the guards dragged Yudit out of the room.

I stared after them in shock. I hadn’t even had time to say goodbye.

The most famous hostage-taker in the world had taken another hostage. And like a fool, I never saw it coming.

“That’s all worked out rather nicely,” the Red Emperor said. “I imagine you’ll want to be on your way as soon as possible.”

I stood up, gave him a stiff bow, and tottered out of the room before any flowers grew on the table.

There was no armed escort to see me out. Leaving the emperor’s presence, it seemed, required less vigilance than entering it. I retrieved my weaponry and wandered through the halls toward the citadel gates, trying to figure out what to do.

When I was halfway there, someone grabbed me by the elbow and spun me around.

“I don’t know what your game is,” Dr. Nikidik Pipt snarled, “but I don’t plan on letting you get away with it.” Had he been following me? I’d been so preoccupied that I hadn’t noticed. “Your brother and I are going to have some nice, long talks over the next two weeks,” he said ominously. “Until I find out what you’re hiding.”

“We’re not hiding anything!” Although that wasn’t, strictly speaking, true. If they discovered Yudit was a woman in disguise, I doubted they’d be pleased. They might very well decide we were lying about everything.

The emperor had promised she wouldn’t be touched. I could only trust that he’d been telling the truth, no matter what nefarious plans Dr. Pipt might have in mind.

I gave the grand vizier my best glare. “Why are you so dead set against this? I’m starting to think you don’t want the emperor to find his bride.”

Dr. Pipt dropped my elbow, and his face went a few shades paler. “Nonsense,” he spluttered. “I am the grand vizier! Don’t try to cast suspicion on me. Don’t you dare. You’ll regret it if you do!” With an unconvincing arrogant sniff, he spun on his heel and hurried away.

Well. That was interesting. Did Dr. Pipt hope his emperor would die without an heir? He wouldn’t be the first grand vizier to attempt a coup. It was probably on page one of the evil grand vizier handbook.

But I had more pressing problems to deal with. An invasion of Tailliz and the other northern kingdoms was not only imminent, but poised to move with magical swiftness. And Yudit…the threat had never been stated outright, but my sister was facing execution if I didn’t bring back Ilyana. I had two weeks to do it.

Two weeks without any sleep. Without Yudit, sleep meant death.

I had to come up with a plan. By the time I emerged into Cinnabar Square, I had the faintest inklings of one. I headed toward the docks as fast as I could, elbowing my way past startled straw golems and leaping over flying monkey droppings.

I would need a boat. And a mirror. And a pair of scissors.

And as much as I hated to admit it, a lot of help.

Part V

Firebending Versus Genderbending

Interlude

All Roads Lead to Dick

I’ve finally caught up to the story I was telling at the beginning. Remember? “The Tale of Ilyana the Golden,” the dozens of weird, inaccurate versions, all that?

As I said then, however different the stories about me might be, there’s a kernel of truth in all of them. They always start with me disguising myself in male clothing. And just as inevitably, while I’m in this disguise, I end up attracting the attention of a Very Important Man. Like a prince, an emperor, or a grand vizier.

At that point, though, depending on who’s telling the tale, it can go one of two different ways.