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Yudit and I exchanged a glance. If he demanded that I drop my trousers, I didn’t see any option besides making a run for it. His mother was still next to me, but distracted by the conversation. He was right by the door, though. Perhaps I could take him by surprise and dodge around him. Or maybe I could duck between his legs?

“We’ll have a duel!” the genius announced.

My foot was already halfway to the floor. “What?”

“A friendly sparring match. Nothing harmful, if they’re telling the truth!” He grinned with pleasure at his own cleverness. “Everyone knows girl humans can’t fight. Their chest glands get in the way, or something.”

His mother nodded. “That’s true.”

“So if this human is secretly a girl”—the genius chuckled at the idea—“we’ll find out straightaway when ‘she’ loses.” He actually made the little quote marks in the air with his fingers. “Then I’ll marry ‘her.’ If he wins, we’ll consider the matter settled.”

“I’m, um,” I said. “I’m not sure that…”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t go easy on you,” he told me. “I know all about male human pride. I’m not going to pull any punches and insult your manhoodity.” He smacked a fist into the wall to demonstrate. It left a dent in the brass. “You have my word.”

Needless to say, he had failed to correctly identify the reason for my unease. “Is this going to be a hand-to-hand match?” I asked. Wrestling the genius had the potential to go badly for me. Extremely badly. I might not survive long enough to be an unwilling bride. Serious injuries happened even in friendly bouts, and he could break my spine with a gentle squeeze. Then light me on fire by accident.

“Hm, I see your point. That would hardly be fair, would it?” he said. “With weapons, then. To first blood. Humans do have blood, right? Not resin or lava or anything like that?”

“Er, yes. Blood.” Now, instead of picturing my spine being snapped, I thought of an enormous sword splitting my head open like a ripe melon. “First blood” could end up being anything from a light prick to a death blow. Besides which…

“Jules hasn’t got a weapon,” Yudit pointed out just as I was about to. “Or any armor.” I suspected that she shared the vision of my head being bisected. “Maybe we should use a different test of manly skill, like…like…” Her words trailed off.

I tried desperately to come up with a substitute that wouldn’t leave me dead or wed. What else was stupidly associated with being manly? Eating red meat? The genius had such an enormous gullet that I’d certainly lose the contest. Refusing to be emotionally vulnerable? How would you even test for that?

The genius slapped his hands against his thighs. “We can find a weapon for you! Let’s go down to the Storehouse of Wonders and get you kitted out with arms and armor. I promised you could take something, anyway.”

“Or maybe we could…” No suitable alternative had come to mind. “Um.”

I supposed a magic weapon might even the odds, which were still very much stacked against me. His arms were three times as long as mine. He could chop my legs off before I was anywhere near him.

Would he still want to marry a legless human? I didn’t especially care to find out.

“In the meantime,” the genius said, turning to his mother, “would you please go find the actual woman that I’m actually going to marry? There are dangerous creatures out there in the swamp. I’m worried she might get hurt.” Which sounded almost gallant until he added, “Wouldn’t want her face to get all scuffed up before the wedding!”

“Very well,” his mother replied. “I’ll track down your annoying little sweetheart. But if this one here turns out to be a woman, I expect you to get married tonight. Without any more nonsense about a magic cow.”

“Wait!” I cried.

The other three looked at me expectantly. Yudit seemed hopeful.

I hated to disappoint her. I had nothing.

“I need to put my boots on,” I finished lamely, “before we go down.”

There wasn’t any obvious way to get out of the duel. A duel I’d never agreed to, but my opinion on the subject didn’t appear to matter much. I also couldn’t come up with anything that would further delay the search for Ilyana, as I’d promised.

Hopefully, she’d had enough of a head start to get away and was successfully evading the perils of the swamp. And with luck, I’d find a weapon in the Storehouse of Wonders capable of defeating a genius. That would be the best-case scenario.

In the worst case, she’d be wed and I’d be dead. Or possibly vice versa.

Chapter Sixteen

Dubious Wonders

“Behold!” the genius announced. “The Floppy Sword!”

He presented us with the item in question, held delicately between his thumb and forefinger. It dangled from the hilt like a limp noodle.