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“And your mother lied to you about it.”

“Leave me, Kansas.”

I take a step toward him. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to leave him in this melancholy. I didn’t want to come here and break him and then abandon him.

I wanted to help him and I wanted him to want me by his side while he uncovered the truth.

I think, in different ways, he and I have both suffered loneliness our entire lives.

I don’t want to leave him now.

Because I think everything he’s done, he’s done under the banner of a lie.

“Rook—”

“It’s Godric.” He laughs, but there is no joy in it. He glances at me over his shoulder, his eyes glassy and full of betrayal. “She named me Godric. It means the power of god.”

I feel him break from across the room.

But stronger than that, I feel his need to be left alone, and I have no choice but to comply.

FORTY-SEVENDorothy

Tin and I spend the next week in nonstop meetings with people who want answers, plans, and strategies.

He told me the night of the tree-felling that Rook gave him his heart back and I’ve been watching him ever since, looking for a difference. I notice it mostly in the quiet moments, when he thinks no one is watching, when the grief of losing Gabriel overwhelms him and his eyes turn glassy.

He is still addicted to Oil but is seeing one of the doctors in the Hollow to try to wean himself off. I think it’s working, though he doesn’t want to talk about it when I bring it up.

Rook accused me of being with Tin because he was incapable of love, and as hard as it is for me to admit, there was some truth to it. We haven’t been together long, but I sometimes find myself edging around him like a cat at the pond, thirsty for a drink, but terrified of getting wet.

Tin hasn’t given me the impression that now that his heart is returned, he’s looking for a wife. But when he fucks me late at night, it certainly feels like he’s planted a flag.

He’s watching me across the round table now. There is an intensity about him that makes my heart beat harder and my insides heat up.

By day, he defers to me on most things, but challenges me when I’m not thinking big enough, and by night he commands me as if I am the territory he’s conquered.

I’m not interested in putting a label on any of it, but I’m also not interested in it ending anytime soon.

“The original seat of power was the Emerald Palace,” Basil is saying. “It stands to reason we storm it.”

“The Wizard may not be a god,” Blue says from the other end of the table, “but he is powerful. He could turn you all into toads without much effort. And take it from me, being a toad is awful.”

“When were you a toad?” I ask.

He scratches Toto beneath the chin and looks down at him. “How long ago was that? I don’t know. I’m dreadful at counting.” He looks up at me. “Eons ago. It was a dare.”

Toto makes a little grumble and Blue chuckles to himself.

“Storming the palace does seem forceful!” Ana says. “Maybe we agree to sit down and discuss with the Wizard?”

“Just a quiet little discussion?” Basil says. “He stole the throne!”

Ana is flustered by all of our talks. She is in a weird limbo, having sided with me, while still holding a lot of loyalty and respect for the Wizard and Cardinal Witches. Basil and Tin and even Ty were worried about letting her in, but I have come to trust my gut feeling on people and I trust Ana.

“I’m not ready to commit to storming the Emerald Palace,” I cut in.

Tin’s gaze is still heavy on me. “Then what do you plan to do?”