Page 46

“I could drive you. Grandfather insisted we have a car at our disposal,” Leah offered. “I do know how, although admittedly I’m probably not the best driver in the world. Downtown traffic sets my nerves on edge.”

He chuckled. “I can’t imagine there’s that much traffic today, but no bother. I don’t want you out in the cold. With the clouds that moved in after lunch, we might even have to deal with more snow. No, I’ll call for a cab.”

She nodded. “I do appreciate all the help you gave. Goodness, we’d have never gotten through without everyone pitching in.”

“Glad to help.”

“Dr. Sjolander,” Nurse Foster called from the archway. “You need to come. I fear we have a problem.”

Leah frowned. “What is it?”

“Brigette. I believe she’s losing the baby.”

Leah waited impatiently for some word from the doctor and nurse team. It had been over an hour, and still no one had appeared to tell her what was happening. She had thought to accompany them to be with Brigette, but Erik insisted she wait. Now it seemed that an eternity had passed and her maid—no, her friend—was facing a terrible battle on her own.

Finally, Erik came to her office. Leah stood to receive him without a word. She could tell by the look on his face that the situation had been difficult.

“She’s doing all right,” he assured her before she could ask.

She forced herself to speak. “And the baby?”

“Gone. A boy,” he added as if knowing she would want this information.

Leah considered the news for a moment. “May I see her?”

“I’d wait a little while. Nurse Foster has been with her, and she’s still bleeding rather heavily, but it should get better in the days to come. It was a complete miscarriage, so I don’t anticipate any problems.”

“That’s good. I would hate for Brigette to be sick on top of such a loss. I mean, I know she didn’t plan to keep the baby, but still, this must be devastating.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is. She’ll need a great deal of support to endure this. She’ll no doubt blame herself, but you can remind her that she did nothing wrong and these things happen quite often. Most women of child-bearing age will suffer at least one miscarriage.”

“I’ve often heard my grandmother and mother speak to women regarding miscarriage. Both had experienced such loss. Grandmother endured two stillbirths after Uncle Jared was born.” Leah shook her head and went to sit at her desk. “See, it’s just another thing that points out my inadequacies. I’ve never married or carried a child. I’ve never had a miscarriage. How can I possibly be qualified to help these women? I should have listened to you the first time you spoke of how ridiculous it was for me to take on this job.”

Erik quickly crossed to where she was sitting and pulled her to her feet, holding on to her arms. “Stop it. I didn’t say it was ridiculous. Yes, you lack training or experience, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t the perfect one for the job. I think you’re quite good at it. You have great qualities that benefit this ministry. Your organizational skills and compassion are two of the most important. You can hire doctors and nurses for the medical issues, but you can’t force a calling that isn’t there.”

She met his gaze but shook her head. “I remember you asked, ‘What possible experience can you bring to this situation?’ I was deeply offended, but probably because a part of me knew you were right. Now I question ever starting this ministry at all. You told me not to do it on a whim, and yet here we are.”

“Leah, you are letting the devil torment you. Second Corinthians ten says, ‘For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.’

“You must recognize that only the devil stands to benefit if you back out of this ministry now. You need to bring into captivity every thought . . . all the negative and hopeless thoughts that you’ve somehow failed just because Brigette had a miscarriage. You’ve done a good job here. These women are blessed because of your calling.”

His nearness was intoxicating. Leah couldn’t help losing herself momentarily in his dark blue eyes. Still, the last thing she wanted to do was confuse the situation with romantic notions. She pulled away and stepped back. “I’m sorry for getting carried away. I just feel that somewhere along the way, I must have failed to do or see something Brigette needed.”

Erik’s expression was compassionate. “I don’t know why Brigette suffered a miscarriage, but with my medical training, I do know without any doubt that you had nothing to do with it.” He smiled. “It truly was none of your business.”

Leah’s eyes widened at this. She knew he was trying to lighten the situation, but honestly, she still felt like such a failure. She fought back tears.

“I didn’t mean to make it seem as though I thought the situation less than serious. That wasn’t my heart,” Erik hurried to continue. “I just need you to know that you did nothing wrong. Nothing you did or didn’t do had any effect on Brigette losing this baby. We don’t know why some women miscarry. There are accounts of women who endure beatings and the hardest of physical labor and still deliver healthy children. Then there are stories of the most pampered and cared for individuals who can’t bring a baby to term. We just don’t know why things happen the way they do. But in all my years of working as a physician, I do know that guessing and supposition get us nowhere.”

Leah calmed and gave a nod. “I know you’re right. I just feel helpless.”

Erik nodded. “I do too. Even with all the experience and training I’ve had, there was nothing I could do to stop what happened.”

“I suppose we must allow that God alone creates a life and determines its days.”

“Exactly. Now Brigette may pass through this with only moderate difficulty since she didn’t want to keep the child. But she may also struggle greatly. She may even feel that she somehow killed the baby with her lack of desire for it. It will be important that we encourage her and help her see that she’s not to blame. Maybe that’s why God allowed you to feel so responsible for this. He wanted you to understand how Brigette was going to feel. However it turns out, Leah, just remember that God is the one we should look to. He loves the lost child and Brigette, and He won’t abandon either one.”

Later when the household was once again silent, Leah looked in on Brigette. She was sleeping peacefully, so Leah quickly withdrew. What a terrible ordeal to go through. She couldn’t imagine the conflict of relief on one hand and sorrow on the other that Brigette might experience. Life was certainly fragile and unknown.