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It’s not that I didn’t want her to get her hair done, but the time and expense is still a concern. Even if Eve’s cousin is graciously giving us a freebie, how much will it cost next time? More than that, I know all the times when Ella’s wanted something, only for it to end up in disaster. The pet frog we both forgot to feed?

Can’t deal with something going that wrong again.

Since I feel awful about her getting hurt though, getting braids is exactly what we’re going to do. “Thanks for coming along,” I tell Eve.

“I’m glad you called me. Surprised Mike isn’t here, though.” Her eyes are full of questions I’m not ready to answer.

“We’re not connected at the hip.” Immediately I regret the way I snap at her. Nothing happening right now is anyone else’s fault. Not Ella getting hurt, and certainly not the way my lungs feel like they got dipped in that scary liquid stuff that makes things freeze solid.

When I saw Ella covered in all that blood, I admit I panicked. The worst of it was thinking that putting Mike and me back on firmer, more familiar ground would make the fear go away.

It did the opposite.

Every morning since, sometimes at night, I wake up barely able to breathe. There’s a heavy brick inside my chest where my heart should be. After Mike’s talking-to, I started taking the anxiety meds again, but I still don’t feel like they’re doing much. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

“Sorry.” I try to give Eve an apology smile, but the worry on her face stings. “There’s been a lot going on. Not handling it so great right now.”

“Is, um…” She looks down at Ella and then continues in a whisper, “Is there something going on with you and Michael? I know you two have had your ups and downs, but it’s pretty rare for the two of you to do things apart. Especially with the princess here.”

By default, I shake my head. Since Ella was born I’ve tried not to let anyone know I’m too far out in deep water. Never wanted to risk anyone thinking I didn’t deserve to raise her myself. Probably never would’ve told Mike, either, if he hadn’t walked in on me and Brennan that time.

“It’s a long story. Guess we’re not exactly talking right now.”

“What do you mean—hey, Ella, baby, look at that doggy over there!” When Ella’s distracted looking at the shaggy mutt being walked toward us, Eve turns back to me. “You’re seriously not talking? You guys are practically married at this point.”

Wait. What? I stop short. “Is that what everybody thinks?”

“I don’t know what everyone thinks. You two have been raising Ella together, and while you sometimes clearly annoy each other, you also seem to really love each other.”

Love. The word is a blow to my chest. Probably because it’s true.

“I don’t know how to explain it, really.” And I don’t want to. Except this is the first time Mike and I have truly been avoiding each other, and I haven’t felt this alone since the day Billie died. Next thing I know, my mouth is running so fast I can’t catch it.

While Ella is busy petting the dog Eve pointed out, I blurt, “He’s Ella’s uncle. Don’t think we ever really explained that to anyone. When his sister died, he blamed me, and it’s fine because I blame myself too. But it caused things to get sort of weird between us.” How do I explain the late-night stuff? The way he tried to punish me by humiliating me and making me submit? The way I ended up needing it?

“You started sleeping together.” Eve’s not asking, I realize.

I shrug. “We did. But it wasn’t just that. It was… He kind of became our rock. Got to where I didn’t really know how to be without him.”

She nods. “Been there.” She shakes her head. “Well, not exactly there, but sort of. Before Alexis and I were roommates, I shared an apartment with three guys. It was nice. Like having brothers. Until things turned romantic with one of them. When it all fell apart, I still had three months left on the lease. Ended up going home as little as possible until I found a new place, which was exhausting and awful.”

“Exhausting and awful sounds about right.” My throat gets impossibly tight.

“You guys have so much history, though. Surely it can be fixed?”

Can it? After I blamed Mike for my shitty lack of attention to Ella’s well-being?

“I don’t know.” Honestly, I’m afraid to hope.

Eve’s question gets me thinking though, and once again I’m too focused on thinking of Mike when I should focus on other things. The heavy footsteps behind me get too close before I notice.

“That sure is a cute puppy, huh? You got a dog at home, sweetheart?” My father’s voice turns my blood cold.

“Eve, get Ella and get her out of here. Please.”

My father’s looking worse today. Tired. Wired. Wide-eyed and desperate in a way that sets off alarm bells. “Oh, come on. Can’t a man want to meet his own granddaughter?”

Ella’s face scrunches. “My grandfather is dead.”