Page 84

“Right. Just talking.” The air stuck in my chest releases when Mike and Ella disappear around the corner, back where they came from. “Except you’ve asked me for money, I’ve given you some, and you won’t leave.”

I take in his appearance: pants stained from the garage where he works, his shirt missing a couple of buttons. He needs a stronger threat to make him go, but it makes my stomach churn to do it.

“This is a town that takes in a lot of tourist dollars,” I add. “They have an appalling attitude toward the unhoused population. If I were to call the authorities and let them know a homeless man is harassing me, I promise there’d be half a dozen cars with flashing lights here in no time. You’d be cavity searched in the East End jail before you even got to let anyone know you’re my father. I’ve seen it before.”

On this subject, I can speak with some authority. One day, while returning some of Ella’s books to the library, I came across a man who appeared to be having a mental health episode getting taken down by an unnecessary number of officers. When I made the mistake of suggesting they take him to a hospital instead of jail, they threatened to take me in for “interfering.”

My father sets his jaw, and I hate how much he looks like an older version of what I see in the mirror. He’s not as tall as me and his hair’s mostly gone, but he’s a big guy, and I can see what I’ll look like in a few decades if I don’t hold my shit together.

“Go.” I hold up my phone as I dial. I’ve hit nine and the first one by the time he finally caves.

“Fine. Fine.” He holds up his hands, the hundred dollars still clutched in one of them. “Guess I know when I’m not wanted.”

There’s a pang in my chest, but it’s weak compared to the icy fear over what could happen if my father thought to try any of this with my kid around. We can’t help who we’re related to, but at least I can keep her from seeing the worst parts of him. So I keep my mouth shut until he leaves.

He disappears down the block at last, blessedly in the opposite direction from where Ella’s school is. There’s no vehicle I can see him get into. Last I knew, he drove a big truck with a loud engine. Maybe it’s in a parking garage somewhere.

I sag against the building, waiting because I don’t want to go inside until I know Ella’s okay. She and Mike show a little later, but my baby’s got tears on her face.

“What happened?”

“She’s okay.” Mike gives me a tight smile. “We found a butterfly on the walk home. A dead one. You know how she feels about that.”

I glance in the direction my father disappeared, hating that I can’t fix my relationship with him any more than I can bring that butterfly back to life. Setting the grocery bags down, I get down low and brush the tears from her face. “I’m sorry, baby. That sort of thing happens sometimes.”

“I know.” She sniffs.

“We went to the park and had a little funeral,” Mike explained. “She said someday, when she’s a vet, she’ll be able to help all the animals. Also, I told her you’d be getting pizza for dinner, and that cheered her up a little.”

“How’d you know?”

“Call it a feeling.” He urges her forward, grabbing one bag of groceries as we go inside. A muscle in his jaw ticks as he angles his head in the direction my father went. “What did the waste of space want?”

“The usual,” I whisper. “Told me you’d threatened him.”

Mike sighs. “I didn’t want to worry you. Did he tell you I also gave him cash?”

“Funny, he left that part out.” I turn, suddenly getting chilled for a whole new reason. “Don’t go see him again, okay? Please. I don’t fully trust him not to do something stupid. And whatever you gave him, it’s probably long gone. Knowing him, he convinced himself he could double or triple it and wound up back at zero. No point in both of us wasting money.”

He glances around. “And what if he comes back here again? He knows where you live now.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t want you getting hurt or anything on my account.”

“I’m not trying to get hurt.”

“Mike.” It’s true that I’m usually content to let him be in charge, but on this I’m standing firm. It’s too important.

“What if he’s drunk next time? Mean? Dean, if the man’s too stupid to leave you alone after I threatened him, there need to be consequences.” Anyone hearing us might think Mike’s angry right now, but I there’s a tremor of worry in his voice.

But he’s not the only one who’s worried. “Don’t.” I stop for a second, but then I go again so Ella doesn’t get too far ahead on the stairs. “We’ll keep an eye out but going after him could be worse. I’m not kidding, Mike. I’m not risking you, okay?” And then, because that feels like a little too much to admit, I say, “None of us need to get caught up in his drama.”

“Then what are we going to do?”

I don’t know, but that ice in my chest melts a little at the way he says we.

We.

“We’ll figure something out.”