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My entire body shudders. He lives for this. Humiliating me.

That I maybe live for it too is a lot more complicated. Confusing.

Closing my mouth, I try to keep my face blank as I swallow. It takes a second to look away from him, from the way his eyes sparkle under the overhead light and his mouth twists into a cruel smile. Then I look at myself in the wall mirror propped next to the dresser, pretending to straighten the tie a little more. Delaying because I know it’ll get his back up.

I’m trying to ignore how I look washed out and pale today, with bruise-colored shadows under my eyes. Happens when I haven’t slept enough. Which I haven’t done since Ella was born.

“Thank you, Mike.”

Seeing us like this, you’d never know we used to be best friends.

When he steps back, I take it as my cue to stand, and I do my best to ignore him while I perch at the foot of my bed, slipping on my socks and shoes. He approaches, feeling the need to fix my tie some more.

“It’s not like the client will care much about my tie anyway. I’m naked sixty seconds after I get there.”

“You want these rich clients to take you seriously, you need to look respectable, Dean.”

“Says the man who gets paid to fuck senators and whatnot. My clients aren’t so demanding.”

Mike’s spent the last six years making himself into the VIP version of a male escort. He only does boyfriend experiences, which command a lot of money. They also take more time. Time I don’t have.

Sometimes I think he got into this business just so he could one-up me.

He makes a noise in his throat. Almost without meaning to, my eyes follow the up and down motion of his Adam’s apple. “I’m trying to help.”

“Sure you are.” I point down at the floor, right where he had me on my knees. “You can’t do stuff like that during the day, you know. What if Ella came looking for us?”

He makes a dismissive gesture. “Please. My princess may be the fairest in the land, but she has the grace of a baby giraffe. We’d hear her coming in plenty of time. She’s probably busy having a pool party for her dolls in the sink, anyway.”

An alert pops up on my phone. Appointment with Tim Gregory 9:30 a.m.

“I have to go.” Even though there’s a lot more I’d like to say right now. “Can you please⁠—”

He grins. “Don’t stress, I’ll get her to eat. Always do.”

Always do, says a mocking voice in my head.

He turns to go but pauses at the door. “About her hair. You know there’s someone at my salon who can⁠—”

“No. And stop telling her stuff like that without my permission, would you? I can’t afford it, and you know darn well she can’t sit still in a chair that long. When you put these ideas in her head and then she gets disappointed, I’m the one who pays.”

His grin widens. “As you should, Dean.”

“Fuc—” I’m really trying to work on my language. Kids repeat everything. “Fudge. I can’t do this right now. I have to go.” I grab my wallet and phone from on top of the dresser and push past him, slipping in earbuds. I can listen to an audiobook on the drive. I’m swiping my hand across my cheek for traces of peanut butter as I go.

I’d be lost if Mike decided to leave us. I may not like him, but I used to love him. More than that, I need him. Ella needs her uncle, I mean.

Every morning I wake up not knowing how I’ll make it through the day. It burns to know he’s the reason I do.

So I take whatever crap he gives me because I’d be over a barrel otherwise. Neither of us has much family left, and I don’t know how to do this alone.

At the front door, I call out a loud “Love you, sweetheart” as I slip my suit jacket on.

“Love you, Daddy!”

Like I always do when I have to leave her, I press my palm against my chest.

Mike comes out of the bedroom. “Love you, Daddy.” He’s mocking me. Of course he is.