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Dean: Yeah well don’t say anything. I don’t think Sebastian knows his dad hires escorts, but I’m at his place and there are pictures of Sebastian and his mom I guess hanging in the hallway.

Next to me, Ella shuffles. “That’s chapter one. Can we do one more?”

“Sure, princess. I want to hear if Marigold finds her mouse friend.”

“That’s not until the end.”

“No spoilers.” I poke her in the ribs, eliciting squeals of laughter. She tries to poke me back but misses and gets my arm. While her hands are raised, I take aim again, but she laughs harder before I’ve even touched her.

Her laugh is like little bursts of sunshine peppered with high-pitched wheezes and squeals as she tries to catch her breath. My smile stretches my face wide as I wait, watching her writhe and squirm and giggle, waiting for her to come back to earth.

She’s a carefree kid, and I hope she always will be. That thought pours ice water over my head.

“Actually, I think maybe we should save the book for another day, princess.”

She’s still gasping. “But I’m not tired yet.”

“You’ve got school in the morning.”

“I know.” She sobers up. “Uncle Mike. Next week is Career Week.”

Oh, that’s tough. Without asking, I already know Dean would’ve told her he can’t make it. What would he tell those kids?

“Are you upset because Daddy can’t come?”

She shakes her head. “My friend told me her mom is coming in to talk about being a nurse. And she asked what my mom did.”

Ah. “And what did you say?”

Ella shrugs. “I don’t have a mom.”

“You could say your mom was a chemist. She was studying to become a pharmacist.” I press the heel of my hand against my chest.

Talking about Billie always feels akin to what I imagine having internal bleeding would be like. My throat is thick and my tongue is heavy. I’d rather change the subject, but someone needs to be the adult here.

“Like the people at the drugstore?”

“Exactly.”

Ella’s light dims. “But she didn’t because of me.”

“No, baby.” I pull the covers around her more, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Is that what Daddy told you?”

“Daddy said it was an accident.”

“It was. Nobody could have seen it coming.”

Do I blame Dean? In a way. I’ve looked it up, and blood clots are significantly more common in women during pregnancy. If he hadn’t knocked my sister up in the first place, she might still be alive.

But I would never blame Ella. Never.

“I don’t understand.” Ella wrinkles her nose.

“The important thing to know is that it was not your fault what happened to your mom. You were loved by her. And your daddy loves you. And so do I.” I turn down the lamp by her bed. “I don’t want you to go to sleep feeling sad. Is there something good you can tell me about your day?”

She’s thoughtful. “Daddy took me to the farmers’ market this morning. We got lemonade.”

“That sounds like a great day.” The ache in my chest intensifies. “You want me to stay here with you tonight?”