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Closing my eyes against the pain, I try to remember how all of this first started. It was around the time ‌Ella went to preschool, I think. Even though it was only four hours a day, I didn’t handle leaving her with someone else back then. It was when I went from being stressed and anxious all day to barely holding it together.

“There. Done. You can put the gel on the rest of that yourself.” He switches off the wax warmer and walks out, checking me with his shoulder as he goes.

There’s an edge of anger in his voice, which is nothing new. It certainly isn’t a surprise. Honestly, the familiarity is reassuring.

My anxiety spikes when my phone buzzes from where it’s perched on the edge of the bathtub.

Daddy: Dean. Please.

How messed-up is it that the first thing I do is look at the door, wanting to go ask Mike how he thinks I should handle these messages? But I can’t ask. He’d tell me to block the number, probably. Can’t quite bring myself to do that.

Things at home didn’t get bad until after my mother left. Knowing there used to be good times makes it hard to cut my father off entirely. Haven’t answered, though.

It burns me up, wanting to know Mike would approve.

Trying to rub away the empty feeling in my chest as I stand in the doorway, I hiss as the angry skin responds to my clumsy fingers. Michael’s fingers aren’t clumsy, they’re sure and decisive like the rest of him.

I hate how inferior I feel in comparison.

And how badly I want him to come back.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Michael

There’s a barbecue in full swing when we arrive at Ravi and Liam’s place the following day. They’ve got this whole new backyard setup, and Ravi loves showing it off. It’s festive, with lights strung up all over.

It’s a sizable group; bigger than I usually enjoy. All the escorts past and present have been invited, as well as Liam’s coworkers from the security firm he owns.

Ella’s having a great time. Warmth seeps into my chest when I see her across the yard with Eve teaching her to play horseshoes. They throw an enormous party every time it’s her turn, regardless of her wildly inaccurate throws.

It’s only nine in the evening. If it wouldn’t make me feel ancient, I’d probably head home. Not that it isn’t a nice time hanging out with friends, but the week has been long. The party has already been long. At least the beer has been good since Liam has a thing for microbrews, but I’ve been nursing my last one long enough to let it get warm. Soon enough Ella will run out of steam, and that’ll be our cue to go. Hopefully.

Next to me, Dean is talking to Zed, who I guess is the co-owner of Liam’s company. The way Zed flirts with him in that exploratory way, seeing how close he can get, has nothing at all to do with my mood.

Really.

“Yeah, just come by on Monday. We’ve been needing someone to do front office stuff. You can even set your own hours.”

That makes me straighten up in my seat. Zed’s offering Dean a job?

That’s a good thing. It is. I’ve got little excuse for the shard of panic that strikes the center of my chest. I brush away the voice in my head asking how Dean taking another job might change things for us.

Always humble and aww-shucks about things, Dean says, “That’s awfully kind, but I’m sure you want someone who’s got experience with that sort of thing. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Hey, don’t do that.” Zed leans forward in his seat, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “We’ll start you off easy. You’ll pick it up in no time. And this way, if anything comes up about where you work in that interview, you’ll have a legitimate answer.”

Are Dean’s ears turning red with embarrassment, or is that the glow of the fairy lights?

We all know what happens when Dean gets embarrassed. Well. I know.

“Everything okay?” Liam drops into the chair next to me, which is when I realize I’ve been staring.

“Fine. Your buddy seems to have offered Dean a job.”

“Good. We’ve been needing an admin person forever.”

“He doesn’t have any experience.” Not that I’m trying to sabotage Dean’s job. He’d do fine. Long as Zed keeps his hands to himself.