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“I never really hated you, Dean.”

“You should have.”

“I didn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to hate Billie. She was our parents’ favorite, you know? The one with the top grades. She had the guy I wanted. Then she was dead, and how could I be angry with her after that?”

His nod ends on a sniffle. “That’s the trouble, I think. There’s nobody to blame. It was a terrible accident. Ella reminded me of that when I was putting her to bed.”

Squeezing his hand again, I say, “She’s a smart kid. Like her dad.” Before he can try and argue, I say, “Let’s get upstairs before we both crash.”

For once, luck is on our side. Our neighbor is half-asleep on the sofa with a Fallon Leslie mystery novel in her lap, so she hardly looks our way as she mumbles her goodbyes and heads across the hall.

After looking in to be sure the princess is sleeping, I head to the bathroom to strip off my clothes and climb into the shower with Dean. His sleepy eyes flare wide when I pull back the curtain.

“Well?” he asks as I stand at the far end of the tub. “You gonna come over here and join me?”

“Wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

He pulls me toward him, resting his forehead on my shoulder. “I’ve always wanted you, Mike. Just didn’t know how to see it at first.”

“What are you even talking about?” I lift my head, and then I pinch his side, making him twitch.

“I just… I grew up in a small town, you know? The only queer folks I knew were the two lesbians who ran the auto shop in town. I knew I liked girls. Never even considered another possibility. You were one of my favorite people from the second we met. When I met Billie, I thought it was perfect, you know? She and I got along so well, not like you, but good. She just had this…amazing energy about her. I know you know what I'm talking about, because you loved that about her, too. Spending time with you and Billie—I didn't understand everything, but I knew that I felt like I'd come home, somehow.” He huffs a breath as he wipes water from his eyes.

“I wanted to say something sooner,” I murmur as I press my lips to his shoulder. “Just didn’t know how you’d react.”

“I don’t know how I would’ve reacted either. And if Billie and I hadn't been together, Ella wouldn't be here, and I just, who I am now can't imagine that, either. I hate it every day that Billie isn’t here to see Ella grow up, whether or not she and I would have stayed together or grown up and apart, or figured out a different way of being. It isn’t fair. It will never be fair. Not to her, not to Ella, not to you. I'm just selfishly grateful that at least I didn’t lose you both.”

“You mean that? No regrets after the way I treated you?” I search his face, waiting for him to take some part of it back.

Take some part of us back.

But he doesn’t. “This shit with my dad. I’d rewind that if I could. Not the rest. Not what happened between us.”

“Not even…” Those late nights when I treated him like shit.

Dean shakes his head slowly. “You know darn well I didn’t hate that.”

“I always left you hanging.”

“And I understood why.” He grips my hips, pulling our bodies together. It’s impossible to miss the way we’re both reacting. He groans when my erection slides against his. “I needed it. I think…I think I need it now.”

Oh. Okay.

I reach around him to turn off the shower. “Let’s go to your bedroom.”

We dry off quickly, wrapping towels around ourselves until we get down the hall.

Once the door is locked, I give him a light shove. “Get on the bed.”

“What do you want me to do, Mike?”

“I want you to get on the bed and spread your legs like the slut you are.”

He hesitates. “Can’t really spread ’em too wide on this one.”

“Guess you’ll have to do your best. Let those long fucking legs hang off.”

He does, and his feet hit the floor. When I crawl between his thighs, he lets out a filthy moan.