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The Reluctant Countess

Page 105

by Eloisa James

She found one of her letters, avoiding his eyes. “Yes.”

“I lay awake at night, tormenting myself by imagining you turning away from me. At breakfast, she read aloud newspaper accounts pairing you with other men.”

Yasmin bit her lip. “I thought you had forgotten about me when I wasn’t there. Or that you had realized Lady Stella would make a better countess which, to be fair, she surely would.”

Giles lunged to his feet and drew his hand through his hair. “I can’t keep you separate from my working life, Yasmin!” His voice was a growl. “I can’t stop thinking of you, day or night. I didn’t know if you were safe or happy. If you hated me or had injured yourself. The last weeks were endless.”

“Then why?” she asked, but her voice quavered.

“Why didn’t I come to you? Why didn’t I drop Lydia with a chaperone and find you, wherever you were? Jake Addison would have done it. He as much as charged me with being an idiot.”

Yasmin knew the answer to his questions.

Jake was in love with Cleo, and that made all the difference.

“Our marriage won’t be the same as theirs,” she said, clearing her throat. “After I broke off our engagement—”

He wheeled about. “You broke off our engagement?”

Yasmin fidgeted. “In a letter.”

“I never received it. Presumably, it’s in the basket.”

He crouched down in front of her. “I want you to care.” The words sounded as if they were wrenched from his chest.

“I do care. I—I do. Why didn’t you come find me?” Despite herself, her voice had a thread of anguish.

“It would have meant that I had to admit to feeling.” His jaw flexed. “I’m damned jealous of any man near you, Yasmin. It was easier when I couldn’t see you across the room. But I couldn’t—I couldn’t bear the—” He stopped and started over, the most eloquent man in the House of Lords floundering.

“You were jealous,” Yasmin prompted.

“Jealousy is a terrible emotion, not behooving a gentleman, a primitive, stupid instinct. My father was a complete gentleman. He loved me and Lydia, though we were likely fathered by different men. I never heard him say a cross word to my mother. I will not be as civilized. We will quite likely argue.” His gaze was unnervingly direct.

“Your father didn’t care about your mother, did he, Giles?”

“He was very fond of her.”

“Not loving, though.”

His lashes flicked. “Perhaps not.”

“That allowed him to be so gentlemanly. If you sleep with Lady Stella,” she said with a gasp, “I shall do something terrible.”

He was still crouched before her. “I have dreamed of dismembering Silvester, whom I’ve known since childhood,” Giles said flatly. “That is one reason why I didn’t come find you, Yasmin.”

“Didn’t you want to be with me?” She sounded pathetic.

“Of course I want you.”

Her heart sank. “I do know that.”

“Because I love you,” he said grimly. “Damn it to hell.”

After a moment of shock, a shaky smile crossed her lips. “Earls don’t curse. I have it on the best authority.”

“I’m no authority.” He shifted forward and went to his knees, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I can’t bear the idea of being apart from you ever again. I mean to tell you that I love you, morning and night and in between.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, the meaning of his words slowly filtering into her mind.