Page 69
While I spiral a little, Rowan is totally calm, not even going over the speed limit as we continue with the wildest trip I’ve ever been on.
Chapter 19
Annie
When it’s clear Rowan isn’t in a hurry to get away from the crime scene, my eyes dart over his face. “Aren’t you afraid the police will catch up to us?”
“Speeding draws unnecessary attention. The cop went in the opposite direction from us. At least ten minutes have passed since then. He’d have to make a U-turn and drive all the way back, investigate what happened, and if he finds the security footage from the gas station cameras and watches it, twenty minutes to an hour will have passed.” His eyes flick to mine. “He won’t catch up to us, so you can relax. I know how law enforcement works.”
“That makes sense. It’s just hard to think straight after . . .” I wipe my fingers over my forehead, where sweat is beading. “You killed them so fast.” When he remains quiet, I ask, “Do you feel anything?”
“Not when I kill,” he answers. “Before you came into my life, I only felt annoyance and anger.” He’s quiet for a moment before he adds, “You overwhelmed me with so many new feelings, I didn’t know what to do with them.” He glances at me, the corner of his mouth lifting. “I’m starting to get used to them now.”
My eyebrows fly into my hairline, and even though I know I’m not ready to hear it, I still ask, “What kind of feelings?”
“Love.” He pauses for a few seconds before adding, “You make me feel desire, love, protectiveness, jealousy, cuteness aggression . . . The list is endless.”
Oh, wow.
I turn my head forward and stare at the road and the deserted landscape around us as I take in what he told me.
Love.
I’m not going to lie, it does make me feel relieved because that means he won’t hurt me.
Right?
I’m too brave for my own good when I ask, “Before you met me, did you switch off your emotions so you wouldn’t feel guilty for all the bad things you were doing?”
Again, he doesn’t shy away from the truth as he answers, “Yes, and also so I wouldn’t make mistakes. I cultivated controlled emptiness and never socialized. Just did the job and self-isolated.”
God. That’s no life at all. He must’ve been so lonely.
Feeling sad for Rowan, my voice is shaky as I ask, “Why me?”
“Because you’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever encountered.” His eyes leave the road for a moment and connect with mine. “You were the first person who looked at me like I mattered. You were kind and patient when all I’ve ever known was violence.”
His words settle deep in my heart while my mind tells me I should be hysterical because he just killed five men. Instead, I’m bonding with him.
With my thoughts returning to what happened at the gas station, I whisper, “The Bratva found us quickly.”
There’s no worry in his tone as he says, “I’m not surprised after what happened in Portland. That night, the fourth guy probably made a call, so they knew where we were and in which direction we would go to get to the border. They’ll only stop once we make it to Colombia.”
“How do you know?”
“The Bratva doesn’t cross into cartel territory unless the prize is worth a war. In South America, there are different rules, different predators, and none of them answer to the Bratva. They won’t know who I am, and with new identities, we’ll be able to blend in with the crowds.”
South America. I didn’t have moving continents on my bingo card for this year.
“Who is Grigori?”
Rowan’s grip tightens on the steering wheel, a small indication that the name gets to him.
“He’s kind of like the underboss for the Bratva. With Bastien rotting in jail, Grigori is in charge. Where Bastien was an arrogant fuck, Grigori is calculating and much more dangerous. He feeds off revenge and will do everything in his power to catch us.”
Jesus!
I sit and think about what happened the past two days and how uncertain my future looks right now, then a question pops into my head, and I blurt it out, “How does it feel to kill someone?”
