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“Right, so I can end up alone?” She wrinkled her nose. “Apologies, I mean no offense. There is nothing wrong with being a spinster, I suppose. It’s just… I want a family of my own.”
Honoria’s heart squeezed. I do, too. She grimaced. “There are far worse fates than ending up alone.” She tried to select her words carefully. “I know of women… who hurried into a marriage for a variety of reasons and ended up with cruel husbands. They now regret it, and they can’t go back. Marriage is forever.” She let out a chuckle. “Unless, of course, you’re Lady Somerville. You have a good family here, a home. People who love you and enjoy your company. Don’t be in a rush to leave. Take your time getting to know a man before jumping into a betrothal. Better to marry later in life or not at all than marry the wrong person and be miserable your entire life.”
Elise seemed to consider her words before turning fully to face her. “But how will I know if the man is the wrong one or the right one?”
Honoria bit her lip. “Observe him. See how he treats his servants and other people below his station. If he is kind, polite, and generous, he might just be the right man. But of course, that’s not all. Discover his interests. If he spends most of his time at home attending to his hobbies rather than in gentlemen’s clubs and gaming hells, he is more likely to be a faithful husband. It is better to pick a calm, studious man who keeps to himself and prefers his books over rowdy company. Of course, it is important to pick a man who looks to the future and is interested in progress rather than one stuck in the past. Being stuck in the past is how half the ton lost their fortunes.”
Elise wrinkled her nose. “I think you just described Uncle Caldwell.”
Honoria let out a chuckle, her cheeks burning. “Well, he is a good man. You would not be wrong to look to your uncle and pick a husband similar to him.”
“Yet he’s still unmarried,” Elise pointed out with a shrug. “And now too old to marry, I wager.”
Honoria let out a laugh. “Don’t underestimate Lord Caldwell. He’s spent a lot of years hidden in his estate, but I am certain today’s ball will be filled with ladies vying for his attention.” A numb ache tightened her chest. “Even your fellow debutantes will be looking to him as the most desirable bachelor.”
“Ugh!” Elise made a face. “But he is very old. I suppose I could understand if you married him, but I certainly wouldn’t want to marry a man twice my age.”
Honoria pursed her lips. “Perhaps, a wise choice. And yo—” She faltered. “Did you just call me old?”
“Did I?” Elise fluttered her eyelashes in feigned innocence.
Honoria covered Elise’s hand with hers as they both chuckled. “You shall do great. I promise.”
Elise’s smile suddenly turned maudlin. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you.”
A pause.
“I am grateful for you, too.” Honoria patted Elise’s hand. Was now the perfect time to tell her?
“Elise—”
“Nory—”
They spoke at the same time and laughed again.
“Go ahead,” Honoria prompted.
Elise took a deep breath, as if preparing to confess something difficult. “My mother always talked about how magical her first Season was. She looked forward to teaching me the steps to every dance, helping me choose my first gown, and showing me how to navigate a conversation with a dull partner.” She laughed a little, but there was a sheen of tears in her eyes. “She used to say she would be my greatest ally and fiercest defender.”
“She would have been,” Honoria whispered.
“I know. I wish she were here to hold my hand during my debut, to see me get married someday. Knowing that she won’t hurts my heart. But having you…” Elise squeezed Honoria’s hand. “Having you feels like she made sure I wouldn’t be alone. Like she sent you to me to guide me through it all.”
Honoria felt her throat tighten painfully. The words she had prepared to say dissolved on her tongue.
“I know you’re the housekeeper, but that’s not how I see you,” Elise said with a shy smile. “I see you as a friend. A confidante. A guardian angel. You’ve taught me so much. You’ve helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life.” A tear slipped down Elise’s cheek. She wiped it away quickly. “I just wanted you to know how much it means that you’ll be there when I make my debut. That I won’t be alone.”
Honoria’s vision blurred. She reached up and tucked a golden strand of hair behind Elise’s ear.
“Listen to me, sweetheart,” she said softly. “I am so very proud of you. You are kind, responsible, clever, and talented. You don’t need to pretend to be anyone else. And you must never betray your principles for anyone.” She took a shaky breath. “I might not be standing right beside you at every moment, but I will always be on your side. Always.”
Elise leaned forward and threw her arms around Honoria, squeezing her tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered into Honoria’s shoulder.
Honoria held her close, breathing in the scent of lavender water, youth, and hope, and wondered how she would ever find the strength to say goodbye.
* * *
Tick. Tick. Tick.