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“Who within our friends’ group has a real family?” Victoria countered. “Surely not you. The way your father treated you and your stepmother, it is a wonder you trust any man at all. And what about me? My mother wrenched me from my father’s side just to hurt him. Then she happily left me to my own devices. My father took me away from the only home I knew, and I was dumped with the nearest family who would have me! Until I was eleven years old, my family was my sister, who was only two years older than me. What was I supposed to learn from her? Yet, I have never stolen. Neither have you, as far as I know.”

Lavinia snorted. “I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. You of all people know that. And you’ve had a pair of exemplary people to look up to since you were twelve. Sebastian and Frau Elinor are the best people I know. Even following their example, you still have made your mistakes as well. You married William in secret, did you not? However, whatever mistakes you made, you had your family’s support and their love to fall back on, and William never had that.”

Victoria frowned. She was so focused on her own pain and distrust that she had never stopped to think about William’s. How could she? He always seemed too confident, too arrogant, too charming, and self-assured. He always got what he wanted. Was he hiding pain beneath his haughty exterior?

She remembered looking at his naked form. He had a perfect body, one that any man would be jealous to have, and any woman would be happy to have in her bed. But what had it taken for him to get this way? What scars on his body had contributed to his current state? Did those scars ever cut too deep?”

She let out a deep breath. “So, what do you suggest I do?”

Lavinia shrugged. “Stop arguing with him. Stop fighting him. You won’t get anything from him by being confrontational or by trying to avoid him. Talk to him. Calmly. Get to know him all over again. Even before your rift, you barely knew him. You fell in love with his charm and wit, but that was never enough to make a marriage work. But my question for you is this… Once those three months lapse, if you continue on the same trajectory you are moving in today, will there be anything you regret?”

Victoria looked down at her hands. The answer to that question was as simple as it was complicated. Because if she continued living with him and avoiding him, once free, she would regret it all.

She would regret not playing brag with him, she would regret sitting in her armchair and watching him make her breakfast without offering to lend a hand, she would regret not reading her favorite passages from her books out loud to him. She would regret not wrapping her arms around him while they slept, not burrowing her nose into the crook of his shoulder and inhaling his dear scent… not kissing him. Not letting him kiss her back.

She would regret it all.

Yet if she did all those things and let herself be free with him, she might also have regrets. Especially if he deceived her again.

She didn’t trust him, not one bit.

She wanted to but couldn’t let herself.

Remembering the piercing hurt he caused, the literal ache in her chest when she had uncovered his deceit was too painful. It had taken her two years to overcome that heartache. Two blasted years.

Now he had slid back into her life.

If she let her guard down and he betrayed her again, how long would it take to recover this time?

Letting him in was a risk. But keeping him out might leave the deepest regrets. She was torn, longing to trust but needing to protect her heart.

“I know it might sound as though I am pushing you toward him, or that I am encouraging you to forgive him. I assure you, I am not. Believe me. He stabbed my husband!” Lavinia let out a chuckle. “But I remember how in love you were with him when you just met? You had stars in your eyes when you talked about him. I saw how happy and content you were when you got married. And I saw how heartbroken you were all this time you were apart. I want you to give him a chance to make it right, not for his sake, but for yours. And when those three months elapse, at least you won’t have regrets and what-ifs. At least you’ll know you’ve given your best chance. Do not just forgive him. Because you’ll make him believe that what he did has no consequences. But do not just throw this chance away either.”

Victoria looked to Frau Elinor for help.

“If you want me to tell you what to do, then you will come away disappointed,” she said. “Kindchen, I took you off your father’s arms precisely so you could make your own decisions. As a princess, you were bound to be married off for some grand political purpose. I took you in to spare you a worse fate. To spare you a fate like your father’s, who married thrice and was thrice miserable. I wanted to spare you a fate like all my siblings, who went mad from loneliness, drunk on power, and were all unhappy in love. I will not push you into your husband’s arms or out of them. I trusted you when you married him, and I shall trust you in your next endeavors. I will continue supporting you no matter what decision you make. You have a chance to live your life. Take it. Whether it means weathering these three months and divorcing your lout of a husband or sticking with him for the rest of your life. But whatever decision you make, just know that I shall be ready to support you.”

* * *

Victoria came back to an empty home. William was going out more and more often. She wondered if it was because she was never around and he was tired of waiting around for her, or if, perhaps, some mysterious business required most of his time and attention.

She wanted to know where he went when he was gone. She wanted to know what he did all day and even some nights. She wanted him to share his woes with her. And she didn’t know why she cared so blasted much!

She wished she didn’t.

But the words of Lavinia and Frau Elinor invaded her mind. What if she was holding on to her anger for nothing? What if she talked to him and got to know him? If she truly understood him, would she revise her opinions on his betrayal?

And most importantly, what if the months went by and she was still as unsure as she felt today?

But whatever questions she wanted to ask William would remain unanswered, because as the night came, he was still nowhere to be found.

Victoria washed and dressed herself for bed, looking out the window every so often, waiting to hear the key turn in their iron door.

What if he got caught by one of his numerous enemies? What if he died right now while she was contemplating ever forgiving him? What would she feel then?

She tried to cast the intrusive thoughts away. William was as wily and resourceful as they came. Nothing could ever happen to him.

As if in confirmation of her words, the door to their residence opened and heavy footsteps heralded his approach.