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She reared back in surprise, and Ian was as surprised at the words that came out of his mouth. He didn’t mean to be so cruel, but frustration boiled up to the surface, and there was nothing else to do. He wouldn’t take his words back.

“He was utterly and completely gentle with you, wasn’t he?” he continued irritably. “And you don’t want those memories taken away. Just like you didn’t want my kisses, you can’t accept my gentleness now.”

“So what if it’s true?” Helen cried. “Why do you care?”

“Why do I care?” Ian growled. He forced himself to calm down. The last thing he wanted was to scare her. “Maybe because I am tired of fighting with a ghost. Yes, I started our relationship by using you, trying to seduce you so you would let me into your cousin’s house. But ever since I touched you, it hasn’t been like that. I might have lied to you, but my every touch, every kiss, and every breath against your skin has been honest. Can you say the same thing?”

“How can you ask me that?” she asked, tears falling freely down her face. “The things I’ve done with you are things I have never let anyone else do. The things I shared with you, I have never shared with anyone else.”

“Then why won’t you let me be gentle with you?”

“Because I don’t want it!” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, her breath heavy, coming out on a desperate whimper. “And yes, you’re right. It’s because of my husband, but not the way you think. He was only ever gentle with me. He used to say that I deserved to be touched with reverence, kissed gently, tenderly. He called me his delicate flower, and said that I deserved more than the crude, physical passion.” She shook her head, dispelling the memories. “I want to know that you want me more than that. That I can have the passion I so desire. That I won’t be relegated to only getting gentle treatment from you because I am weak!”

Ian stilled, their breath the only sounds in the room. Had he miscalculated the entire thing? Yes, she was still thinking of her husband, but not because she wanted to remember him forever, but because she wanted to forget.

“He was wrong,” Ian said evenly. “You deserve to feel like a real person. You deserve all the passion and love and bliss. And yes, you deserve rough, passionate fucking!” He used the crude language on purpose and was glad to see a familiar fire light up in her eyes as he stepped closer. He brushed his finger against her cheek, smearing the tear against her skin. “But you equally deserve gentle, slow lovemaking. You deserve to be treated like a queen and a harlot all at the same time. There is nothing crude about lovemaking, no matter how you do it. And the fact that your husband bestowed gentle kisses upon you and then went and fucked his mistresses shows just how little he cared about you while you are still holding on to him.”

Helen turned away, her breaths coming out in loud gasps, her tears flowing down her cheeks. Ian bracketed her face with his palms and turned her to face him, his thumbs brushing away the tears.

“He didn’t do it for you, love. He didn’t do it because he was worried about your health. He did it for himself. It was easier for him to have a saintly wife while he sinned with other women. He wanted an angelic wife to wash away his sins. Because if he was beastly with all women, that’s all he was. A beast. He was worried about himself. He wanted to keep you pure.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

Ian briefly closed his eyes. He regretted his outburst and upsetting her further, but he needed to make her understand. So he continued, softer now. “But you are pure. Pure happiness.”

She finally raised her eyes to his, startled. His hands slid down her body and he squeezed her shoulders tightly.

“I don’t want to hide myself from you, and I don’t want to hide you away either. I want you to experience it all with me. I want gentle kisses, and silent embraces. I want to fall asleep in your arms and then awaken you with a rough tupping. I want to have it all.”

“You can’t have it all,” Helen whispered. Then her eyes glowed with the fire raging inside her. “I am ill for days, sometimes weeks at a time. I am weak in between. Will your patience run deep?”

“I don’t need patience, Helen,” Ian said as gently and forcefully as he could at the same time to make her understand. “I need you, my bonnie lass. It doesn’t matter whether you’re writhing beneath me in passion, screaming in ecstasy as I touch your most sacred places, reaching so far inside of you as no one’s ever been, or whether you’re writhing in pain, covered in red spots, and groaning in agony. I need you more than the air I breathe.” He paused. “And I’ll need you till the end of time.”

A sob tore from her mouth, and she pressed her forehead against his chest, shaking as she cried. Ian wrapped his arms around her and held her close, running circles against her back and whispering soothing nonsense in her ear.

A few moments later, Helen leaned back and looked deep into Ian’s eyes. Then she rose on tiptoes and kissed his lips.

* * *

You are pure. Pure happiness.

Helen kissed Ian with every fiber of her being, trying to convey to him without words that she needed him just as much, if not more.

I love you.

She couldn’t say the words out loud. Not yet. She needed to tell him the full truth about her and why they could never be together as man and wife.

But was it too late?

I’ll need you till the end of time.

Helen refused to let her mind wander. For now, she was in the embrace of the man she loved, who kissed her with the sweet passion she’d never experienced before, and she wasn’t going to ruin this moment for the world.

Ian kissed her deeply, brushing away her tears with his thumbs, his warm body chasing away the chills. Helen wrapped her arms around his neck and the next thing she knew, he lifted her into his arms and tenderly laid her down on the bed.

He immediately covered her body with his and continued kissing her while his hands roamed around her body, tugging at the fastenings of her gown, and slowly undressing her.

“No,” Helen whispered against Ian’s lips, and he paused, a question in his eyes. “You first. I want to see you.”