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Katie was almost shaking. She was seeing a side of Jess she’d never experienced before and hadn’t known existed. A wounded Jess who was questioning her life choices and her love life. ‘I know a lot more about Arlo than you think. He understands what it’s like to have been through something like the accident,’ she said, desperately trying to stay calm. ‘I don’t want us to row and I’m sure you mean well but this is between me and Ned. I have to decide what I want – what we want. I invited everyone here because I wanted it to be a lovely chance to spend time together.’
Jess was tight-lipped before saying quietly, ‘But you can’t manage them or control them. You don’t know how they truly feel, do you?’
‘Try me. How do you truly feel?’
‘I feel sad that you have thrown away the man you loved. It’s not fair on him. You know him, always clinging on to hope. You need to be clear: stay with him or let him go.’
‘I don’t want to hurt him but I needed to be sure.’
Jess scoffed. ‘You have to hurt him and you’ve done that already. Don’t keep prolonging his agony. You can’t have everything your way. You can’t have him and Arlo. If you felt how I do about Ned, you’d understand!’ Jess’s body was rigid.
‘And how do you feel about Ned?’ Katie asked.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Jess threw back her head with tears in her eyes. ‘I love him! I have done almost from the moment you started seeing him!’
Katie felt like a lightning bolt had struck her. Her mouth fell open yet no words would come out.
‘Oh my God …’ Jess murmured, covering her face with her hands. ‘What have I said? What have I done? This isn’t me. I hate being like this. I have to go. I – I – I have to leave the Island House. I can’t stand it any longer.’
Jess stumbled off.
‘Jess, hold on …’
‘Leave me alone!’
‘Wait! Please.’ Katie could only stare as the weight of realisation crushed her. Jess was angry and hurt and lashing out not because she’d recently fallen for Ned but because she’d always been hopelessly, madly in love with him.
She wanted to give Jess some space but she also didn’t want to leave her friend alone. She couldn’t let a big issue like this fester. Jess’s friendship meant everything to her. It cut through her that Ned had come between them; that she’d let this happen.
She ran after her and found her by the boathouse.
‘Jess. Please can we talk? We have to!’
Her heart thudded and she thought Jess was going to run away again or tell her to leave her alone.
Then Jess nodded, a slow nod of the head, with absolute misery in her eyes. She heaved a sigh that was more like a strangled sob. ‘I want to talk. I don’t want us to be split apart by this.’
Katie was flooded with relief. ‘I couldn’t bear it if we did split up. I am so gutted that this – all of it – was happening under my nose.’
‘It’s not your responsibility,’ Jess said. ‘You never asked me to fall in love with Ned. You’re not responsible for my feelings. You haven’t done anything wrong but … I said some awful stuff to you.’ She closed her eyes.
‘We all say stuff in the heat of the moment.’
Jess wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Yes, but that stuff is hard to forget.’
Katie took a step closer. ‘Maybe we shouldn’t forget our honesty,’ she said as gently as she could. It was what her dear friend deserved. ‘It’s probably good it’s out in the open. I wish I could deliver a happy ending with Ned. He was at my side in the darkest moment, even though I pushed him away. He was there but that doesn’t mean I can spend the rest of my life with him. Gratitude isn’t a foundation for a forever relationship. I wish it was.’
‘I don’t want you to stay with Ned for his sake. I only wish life wasn’t so bloody shitty sometimes.’
Katie longed to hug Jess but was too afraid of shattering the precious, fragile truce between them. Now wasn’t the time. At least they were talking again, honestly and without shouting at each other.
‘Can we go back to the house and pretend nothing has happened?’ Jess asked. ‘I’m sure I don’t have to say that I never want anyone to know – to even guess – about – about what we talked about.’
‘They’ll never hear it from me.’
‘Good. If Ned ever suspected it … if I thought that he did … it would finish me off.’ Jess’s tone was taut with desperation.
Maybe Ned knows, Katie thought, remembering his expression at the dance last night. She would never say that to Jess or Ned himself. Some stones were better left unturned. She thought of Athene loving Guy, and of Jess loving Ned, and wondered if unrequited love hurt more than staying in a relationship that had died a slow death.