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‘Absolutely fine and it was worth the effort for the amazing view.’
Ned’s eyes glittered with excitement. ‘I’m sure we haven’t seen the best part yet. Let’s go inside the cave.’
Sipping from her water bottle, Katie followed his gaze to the cave, or rather the caves plural. Ned told her that Dalton’s home was actually one cave split into two chambers that had once been known as the bedroom and living room.
‘Of course, I’m not sure he saw his dwelling in such conventional terms,’ Ned said, ducking low to enter the living-room chamber. ‘Convention was what he was trying to escape from.’
Katie walked to the entrance and stepped a metre inside, daring herself to enter that dark, confined hole.
‘Wow, this is incredible. The atmosphere … and look, it goes back quite a way though it’s a bit of a squeeze.’ Ned’s voice was swallowed up by the cave.
Torchlight swept over the walls. There was certainly no trace that anyone had made it a home.
‘Katie?’ His face was ghostly in the light from his phone. ‘Imagine escaping to such a wild place from a life that was suffocating him. There are marks on the walls though. I think it’s writing. Come and have a look.’
Katie called back: ‘I think I’ll give it a miss.’
Ned immediately hurried towards her, blinking in the winter sunlight. ‘Of course. I understand. I didn’t think that this place might trigger you. I – keep getting things wrong, don’t I?’
‘No, Ned, you don’t. Neither of us do.’
He held her hand and she let him. ‘I thought I’d lost you that day at the station. I heard the impact and saw the smoke up the line and then people started screaming and crying on the platform.’ He swallowed and she saw the haunted look in his eyes.
‘I can’t imagine how terrified you must have been,’ she said.
‘It was nothing compared to what you went through during the crash and afterwards. Katie, I should have waited longer before I proposed but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was just so bloody grateful you’d survived.’
‘I know …’ Katie said. ‘I realise that now.’
‘Was it the proposal that freaked you out? Was it too much, too soon after the accident? I had the ring in my pocket, waiting on that platform. I hadn’t thought it was possible to be that excited and nervous and happy. I should have waited longer than a week, I know, but once I was confident you were on the mend and we’d have a second chance at life, I couldn’t wait a moment longer.’
Katie felt a rush of emotion towards him – of sympathy and … was that all she felt? Sympathy and perhaps pity for not being able to fulfil his romantic dreams. Even so, the empathy for him was still powerful enough to bring tears to her eyes and make her want to throw her arms around him and comfort him. It would be so easy to tell him that everything would be OK again.
Did she feel like that because she’d been denying her feelings for him? She’d crushed his hopes and dreams but should she have given them both more time before she decided their relationship wasn’t going anywhere?
Her stomach tightened. ‘All this time, I’ve only thought about what I went through … I haven’t thought about what you’ve had to deal with: the worry, the uncertainty, the disappointment.’
Ned shook his head. ‘No. You had to do what you needed to and I did ask twice so I got the message.’
Katie could barely look him in the eye. After his initial proposal, he’d waited another six months after the accident before he’d asked her again. Katie had told him she still wasn’t ready, that her life was in turmoil, and that keeping him waiting wasn’t fair and so they should break up.
She’d never had to hurt someone like that before: fully aware she was treading on his dreams and any they might have shared. She might regret that decision for the rest of her life but the accident had changed how she viewed the future and she’d realised it might not include being married to Ned. The fact that he clearly did want a lifetime commitment – he’d proposed twice – meant she’d had no choice but to end things cleanly.
Ned let his eyes linger on the view and the fells lit by fragile winter light. ‘Do you think you’ll ever be ready to marry anyone?’ he murmured.
‘I don’t know. Making such a commitment scares me. Life’s so unpredictable. If I don’t even know what’s around the corner, how could I promise to stay with someone forever?’
In her story, she would have felt obliged to deliver the fairytale ending everyone wanted: the devoted boyfriend waiting on the station to propose, helping her through her recovery and, finally, the two of them spending the rest of their lives together.
Katie had once come across a news story from decades before. It was about a journalist who’d been held hostage for many years while his loyal girlfriend campaigned tirelessly for his release. The journalist was eventually freed, largely thanks to her efforts, and everyone expected them to marry.
Yet, not long after, they split and ended up with other partners.
Yet Katie had always tried to make her HEAs – Happy Ever Afters – realistic. She always put characters through the mill and gave them real-life problems to deal with, their ups and downs, before they got the HEA they deserved.
In her own love life, there were only the ups and downs and no HEA.
Or rather, the HEA was a Happy for Now, or a Content for Now: and that was to be single. Not alone – she had plenty of love but not romantic love. Until she’d come across Arlo. In a strange place, away from prying eyes – a bit traumatised and a little mellow, she’d used him for a temporary fix.