A Wedding Under the Cornish Sky
Page 52
Tears filled Zennor’s eyes. She had loved Trev once and that was hard to forget – in fact, she didn’t want to. Breaking up was about not forgetting the past as much as putting memories in perspective, forgiving yourself and moving on.
‘I’m sure that’s what your mum would have wanted. I know everyone trots out that kind of phrase but I mean it. She worshipped you.’
He laughed. ‘God knows why. I’m not the golden boy any longer. I never was.’
Zennor gave an inner gasp of surprise. Could this be Trev? Self-deprecating? ‘Sandra would still think so,’ she said kindly, because she couldn’t think of any other reply.
‘So, I honestly don’t hold a grudge against Matt any longer. Not much of one, anyway.’ He smiled but Zennor couldn’t bring herself to do the same. She wasn’t quite sure if he was joking.
‘And in hindsight, I realise that I was a cocky bastard. I was arrogant enough to think I could flirt with other women and you’d know it meant nothing. Because it didn’t.’
‘Trev. We’ve been through this before so many times.’
‘Yes, but now I can see myself and my behaviour though a different lens.’ His eyes pleaded with her to listen.
‘You did flirt,’ she murmured. ‘And you laughed it off when I complained. You said I was insecure.’
‘God, I am so sorry. What an arsehole I was.’
Zennor was too full of conflicting feelings to reply to that. Trev did enjoy the attention of other women, although he’d joked that they’d chatted him up. At first, Zennor had found it amusing to know that she was the only one he was interested in, or, as he had liked to put it, ‘The only woman I truly see.’
It was only after their engagement that she’d begun to question if Trev was being a little too encouraging of the flattery. Initially, she had wanted to believe that Matt had driven the first spike into the structure of their marriage, but would he have been able to do that if there hadn’t been a crack there anyway?
She couldn’t stay silent any longer. ‘You used to say, “I’m safe now that I’m spoken for. They feel safe in flirting because they know I’m taken. No one can possibly take it seriously because they know you’re the only woman for me and always will be.”’
He swallowed. ‘If I could turn back time …’ His hand moved as if he was about to reach for hers but she stepped away from the balcony rail, feeling the conversation had strayed too far into dangerously emotional territory.
‘You can’t. We can’t. I don’t want to. I’ll contact the artists we discussed and I’ll ask them to come and meet you – perhaps do a trial gig.’
‘Zennor, I hope I haven’t upset you …’ Trev said.
‘No, you haven’t, but I need to get back to the office. I’ll speak to you very soon. Thanks for the drink. I can find my own way out. I’m sure you have a hundred things to do.’
Without waiting for him to reply, she walked back to the bar, wanting to run but not daring to. Soon, she was in her car, not even looking back to see if Trev had followed her.
She’d been dreading this meeting and, as expected, it had disturbed her – though not quite in the ways she’d anticipated. She’d expected Trev to revert to his arrogant self once he was in his own domain and, initially, he’d seemed to do exactly that. Then he’d pulled the rug out from under her. Loss and grief had clearly left their mark on him. He wasn’t different but he had undergone a sea change in the way he saw life.
As for Trev having forgiven Matt? Zennor certainly wasn’t convinced that had or was about to happen any time soon.
Later, when she got back to her flat, Zennor went straight to the bedroom where the photo of her and Trev in the wedding pavilion had found its way on to a pile of letters and cards on her bedside cabinet.
She’d always intended to bin it but hadn’t got round to it.
Now the pavilion had been removed, maybe it was a sign to finally bin all traces of the past.
She walked into the kitchen with it and stood by the bin.
It had been a beautiful day. She did look happy, and she genuinely had been full of hopes for the future. She’d thought they could overcome any niggling differences and settle into married life.
She pressed the pedal and flipped open the lid.
A question niggled at her: if Trev had been the man he was today, if Matt hadn’t driven that spike in – would they have stayed together? Would they be happy and settled with kids even?
But in this other life, would she be following her other dream of running her own entertainment agency?
She let the lid fall back and put the photo back on her bedside table – alongside the letter Matt had sent after her wedding.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE