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“I thought you'd told me everything.” Iris’ hand fell onto her lap. His face felt uncomfortably warm without her cool touch.

“Almost everything. I’ve been afraid to tell you this, but I can’t… I think you should know.” He looked at her with difficulty. “Sometimes, I can hear your heartbeat.”

She stared at him. “What do you mean?”

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. This was even harder to explain than he’d thought. But he remembered what Venetia had said, and he knew that he couldn’t keep it in any longer; he had to let this final secret free. “Like when you’re upset, or…scared…or…” He sighed. “I know it’s creepy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not creepy.” Iris tucked her legs beneath her, her expression quizzical. “But I don’t understand why.”

Blair shook his head. He still wasn’t certain of that himself. “The first time I noticed it was Thanksgiving night,” he explained. “I knew you were worried about me. And on Christmas Eve, when you stepped onto the stage…I could tell you were anxious. Then there was tonight, when that man grabbed you.” He winced.

Iris reached for his hand again. “It makes it harder for you to control your emotions, doesn’t it?”

Gazing out into the moonlit snow, Blair nodded.

“I’m sorry.” Iris frowned. “I’ve just made everything more difficult for you.”

“It’s not your fault.” Blair hated that she would blame herself for something so completely outside of her control.

“Why are you telling me this tonight?” she asked.

Blair hesitated, but he had a feeling she already knew. “Because I can hear it now.”

The air around them, once cold with winter wind, was suddenly far too warm, as though a fire blazed inside the cramped room. Blair’s cheeks were like a furnace, and he yearned to press his cooler palms against them.

But Iris was looking at him in a way she never had before, and he was scared to break the spell, afraid that if he moved so much as a muscle, she might disappear like smoke on the horizon.

“Can you do something for me, Blair?” she asked, and he felt a jolt as her heartbeat grew slightly faster.

“Yes.” His voice came out as barely a whisper.

Iris bit at her thumbnail for a moment, but she quickly pulled it away. “Will you tell me when my heart beats faster?” She tried to smile, but it flickered enough that Blair could sense her trepidation. “For medical purposes, obviously.”

Mutely, Blair nodded, trying to keep his expression even.

For a moment, neither of them moved, and time seemed to slow around them. Then Iris curled her fingers around his and scooted slightly closer. She peered up at him, her brown eyes searching. “How about now?”

Blair nodded, swallowing. “It’s a little faster.”

A flush crept across Iris’ skin. She seemed uncertain of what to do next, but she leaned in until her face was inches from his. Blair’s breath caught again as she placed her hand against his flaming cheek, holding it there for a moment before sliding her fingers down to rest against the racing pulse point on his throat, sending a shiver down his spine.

“What about now?” she whispered.

Blair gave a jerky nod. Her heartbeat was everywhere, reverberating through him like a living thing he couldn’t escape, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Because although overwhelming, he didn’t think there was anything so precious, so strong and so breakable, as Iris’ heart. If only he could lower the volume of it, just a little, so that he could think…

But there was no hope for thinking as Iris closed the space between them, resting her forehead against his. She was so close now that Blair could smell her spearmint toothpaste as their breaths mingled. He let out a shaky breath against her lips.

After a few lifetime-long seconds, Iris leaned away just enough to meet his eyes. “Blair,” she whispered. “Why won’t you kiss me?”

His gaze dipped to linger on her mouth. “I…wasn’t sure that’s what you wanted.”

“That’s what I want.” She looked scared that she had pushed too far, her grip on his hand loosening a little. “Is it what you want?”

It was a simple question with a simple answer, and yet nothing had ever felt so complicated. This was what he wanted, what he had always wanted, what he had never let himself believe he would ever come close to deserving. He had learned to live with the yearning, had grown accustomed to waking up at its side and believing it was the only thing he would ever wake up next to.

Until his mother’s vision had given him reason to hope that he could be more than a shadow.

Until he had met Iris and her heartbeat had found a home inside him like it was always meant to be there.