Page 35

Iris reached behind her for the rope, and Blair forced himself to focus on the present. He wasn’t exactly being much help. Plus, he so rarely had the opportunity to spend time alone like this with Iris with Gabriel out of the house. He’d have plenty of time to think things over during the work week, the long days he spent wandering around like a desultory house spirit, trying to find a way to make himself useful in a home that still didn’t fully feel like his own.

The one comfort was that his idleness wouldn’t last for much longer. Blair had already prepared a collection of serums, lotions, herbal teas, and homeopathic remedies. He would start by trying to sell them at craft fairs; he’d already contacted organizers of some local events, including an upcoming holiday fair. With luck, he would eventually build up a loyal local customer base and enough income to set up a storefront.

He was determined not to be a leech on Iris’ generosity and Gabriel’s reluctant hospitality. He wanted to contribute in every way possible, and he would get there, one step at a time.

Blair pulled himself up straighter, having lost track of his thoughts again. Iris was now wrapping rope around the pile of sticks, securing them to the largest one. She made a tight knot, then sat back on her heels to examine her handiwork.

“Why did you decide to make Gabriel a broom?” Blair asked curiously.

Iris shrugged, tweaking a few of the twigs. “I saw a video of a girl making one online once and thought it looked like fun. Gabriel likes handmade gifts.”

“Well, it looks amazing so far.”

Iris’ smile was as warm as the sunshine beaming through the windows. “You’re always so thoughtful.”

“You’re thoughtful too,” said Blair, absently tracing a pattern in the rug. He was thinking about a few days earlier, when he had accompanied Iris and Gabriel to a superstore just out of town, and they’d stopped by the local cemetery. He had watched through the car window as Iris and Gabriel painstakingly tied a handmade wreath around the top of her father’s grave.

Even after everything her father had done, after all the pain and fear he had caused her and her mother, Iris still found it within her to honor his memory.

He had never met someone so selfless, so…

Blair coughed, realizing too late that he had been staring, mesmerized by the way the winter sunlight brought out the red notes in her short dark curls, how it seemed to highlight the kindness in her brown eyes. He gestured to the broom. “What are the berries for?”

She picked up the pile of holly sprigs and placed them on the floor between them, then took a single stem and slid it through the rope so that it nestled amongst the branches. A crease formed between her brows as she worked.

“What’s wrong?” Blair asked. A peculiar impulse to smooth away her worry with his fingers sprung up inside him, but he squashed it.

“It’s nothing. Just…” She shrugged, her voice low, almost helpless. “I hope it’s enough.”

“What do you mean?” Blair started to help, reaching for a thin branch with bright red berries and sliding it into the broom.

“Things between me and Gabriel have been…” She let out a breath, her gaze fixed on her work. “Off.”

Iris placed the last sprig of holly, then sat back, her palms against the carpet. She must have seen the anxious look in Blair’s eyes, because she added quickly, “Not because of you. Well, I mean, sort of because of you. But it’s not your fault,” she rambled, biting at her thumbnail.

Blair hated seeing her like this, and most of all, he hated himself for being the cause of her anguish.

When his mother’s vision had played out in front of him like a film reel from someone else’s life, everything had seemed as if it would be easy.

He hadn’t anticipated Gabriel’s animosity. And he hadn’t foreseen how messy things would become, nor how his complicated feelings would make everything so much more difficult to navigate, making him feel like a blindfolded captain manning a ship through stormy seas to an uncertain destination.

And yet, were his feelings for Iris complicated, really?

No. They were refreshingly simple, actually. It was the fact he had them at all that made the situation complicated. The vision hadn’t left him with an inkling that he would feel anything more than friendship for Iris.

Certainly, he shouldn’t have experienced the pang of jealousy that hit him now, mixing with guilt to create quite the unappealing cocktail.

“It is my fault,” Blair said, straightening a branch. He hesitated, a question he’d been pondering suddenly pushing to the surface of his mind, sharp and persistent. “Can you explain something to me?” Iris nodded, and Blair swallowed, pressing on against his better judgement. “Your relationship with Gabriel. I don’t quite understand it. I mean, you’re best friends, right? But, I don’t know, it feels like more than that.”

He didn’t think there was anything romantic between Iris and Gabriel, and yet there was that imperceptible something, a low hum of connection despite the rift that separated them. It was in the looks they shared, the palpable understanding that seemed to pass between them even in moments of silence, and the care they showed one another with little thoughtful gestures, that made Blair feel as though either one would take a bullet for the other without hesitation.

A brief smile lit up Iris’ face before her expression fell into something more wistful. “We call ourselves platonic life partners,” she said, slowly unspooling some of the red velvet ribbon. “From the moment we met, he made me feel seen in a way no one else ever had. I could be myself around him.” She snipped off a piece of ribbon, her attention focused on it as she thought. “He was funny, but also so sweet. He made me feel safe and respected.” She frowned. “And he didn’t coddle me. I was so sick of being treated like some broken little thing that needed to be protected.”

She looked up at him, and a sense of camaraderie passed between them. Blair too had always been treated as though he were broken, unfixable, someone people had to shield from the big bad world. Never an equal. Never someone strong enough to stand on their own without another person holding them up.

“We just sort of clicked immediately, and he treated me like I was the most vibrant, interesting person in any room. He felt like home.”

A jealous ache bloomed across Blair’s chest at her words. He knew how unmoored Iris had felt growing up with no place to call her own. The concept of finding home in another person was beautiful. But if Iris had that in Gabriel, if they had that in one another… Where did that leave him? What was he doing there, messing up that kind of connection? What kind of a monster did that make him, on top of the one he already was?