Page 37

Something about the honesty in his voice loosens mine too. “I had one serious relationship,” I admit quietly, twirling my hair absently. “He said all the right things, made me believe he loved me,” I take a sip of wine. “We moved in together and he… Changed.”

Ember squeezes my hand. “Was he abusive?”

“Not to start with. In the beginning he was sweet, loving, charming even. He was a friend of a friend and seemed like a genuinely nice guy.”

Ember nods perceptively. I deliberately avoid looking at Jax.

“We dated for a year before moving in together and everything was fine, right up until then. It started slowly; he’d get upset about little things and lash out with his words. At first, I wrote it off, making excuses for him, he’s just stressed, he didn’t mean it, and he was always sorry after, showering me with attention, promising it wouldn’t happen again.” I roll my eyes. “But of course it did, it always did. Then it got controlling—where have you been? Who were you with? You were with a guy weren’t you? Which then escalated to name calling, silent treatment, and eventually his fists.”

Ember pulls me closer, wrapping her arm around me, whilst Jax’s jaw tightens so hard a muscle tics in his cheek. His hand hesitates in the space between us—like he’s asking permission—before taking my hand and rubbing his thumb gently across my knuckles.

“Bri,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “You didn’t deserve that.”

The warmth in his voice gives me the strength to go on. “I know. But when you grow up like I did, in a home where you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Constantly blamed for your mum’s bad temper, whilst she uses you as an emotional punchbag. The bar is kinda set low for what love is. It felt familiar, so I stayed too long.” I shrug. “I think I was actually in love with the idea of love, of being loved… In love with fantasies, very on brand.” I laugh without humour. “It wasn’t until I left that I realised how messed up I was, constantly settling for scraps in my blind pursuit of needing to feel accepted. Needing to be loved.”

Ember squeezes my shoulder, resting her head against mine.

“That was eight years ago and I’ve been single ever since. It’s easier that way, people can’t hurt you if you don’t let them in.”

Jax doesn’t let go of my hand. Instead, his thumb traces another slow, soothing circle over my knuckles, anchoring me—letting me know I’m safe.

“Self-protection that self-sabotages, sounds familiar,” he says—paraphrasing my words to him. “Love should never hurt Bri. I’m sorry you were ever made to believe that was true.”

“It seems like we all have a difficult relationship with love,” Ember says quietly. “Poor parenting does a lot of damage – speaking from experience. And being neurospicy on top of that means we’re easily susceptible to being bullied, people suck.”

“Yeah they do,” I agree.

The conversation drifts after that into lighter things; childhood stories, conventions gone wrong, Ember accidentally setting microwave popcorn on fire in university halls. By the time we finally call it a night, my cheeks hurt from laughing and my chest feels strangely light.

I’m halfway through brushing my teeth when I realise my phone isn’t in my room. “Shit.”

Slipping back out into the courtyard, I let the door click shut behind me as I retrace my steps. It's eerily quiet now, and the only light is the soft glow coming from the lounge.

Slowly I pick my way through the darkness of the lodge, back towards the sofas. I’m almost there when I trip over a low coffee table, cutting my lip. Idiot.

Stemming the blood with my pyjama sleeve I find my phone wedged deep between the cushions where I’d been sitting earlier. “Found you,” I mutter triumphantly, before carefully making my way back towards my room.

Except when I get there, the keypad refuses to respond. I stare at it, before trying again. Nothing.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” I check my phone to see if I’ve got the code right and it’s dead. Of course it is. “Give me a break universe.”

I knock lightly on Ember’s door but there’s no response, only silence from inside. I’m debating sleeping curled up on the sofa in the lounge when movement catches my eye in the kitchen. Phew, Enzo must still be here.

Walking quickly against the chill of the night air I’m caught off guard as Jax steps out holding a Zeppole. “Bri?” He startles, his cheeks turning red. “I have a sweet tooth.”

“Uhm. I appear to have locked myself out of my room again like an idiot.”

“What happened to your lip?” he asks quietly.

Before I can answer, he reaches up, his fingertips brushing lightly against the corner of my mouth. His touch is impossibly gentle and a tiny jolt shoots straight down my spine. We’re standing far too close. Close enough that I notice the flecks of jade in his eyes.

Close enough that, for one completely irrational second, I wonder what it would be like to close the gap between us and kiss him.

The thought catches me so off guard I take an awkward step backwards. “Uh...” I tug the sleeve of my pyjamas over my hand, instinctively covering my mouth. “I tripped over a table.”

His expression softens. “Are you okay?” He steps towards me again and suddenly we’re right back inside each other’s personal space.

Does he have any idea what he’s doing to me?