Page 64

I wipe my eyes.

Rise to stand.

And leave.

Pru. Dean. Dahlia. Cain.

When I look back, they’re who I see. They’re the beautiful pieces of this world that make this truly painful. They wouldn’t want me to do this. I’m sure not even in Cain’s most sadistic dreams would he want me to die.

That’s why they can’t know.

I’ve spent the past hour writing letters to Pru, Dahlia, and Dean. Telling them how much I love them, and how excited I am for the wonderful future they have ahead of them. And most importantly, I explain to them why I have to run away. They can only be so sad if I run away to secure my own future, right? Pru will take it the hardest, but the guys will take care of her.

I want to leave something for Aria, but she’s so little… She won’t even remember me.

A frog builds in my throat as I stare down at Cain’s name on the paper, my pen frozen in place. What could I possibly say to him? Writing notes to him is against the rules. If any got out, our secret would be uncovered, and he doesn’t want anyone to know. Besides, if I’m not around when he gets back, would he even bother to seek me out?

The pen clatters onto the dresser as I crumple the letter in my fist, then throw it in the bin. Instead, I add to the bottom of Dean’s. Then I fold and slide them into envelopes with their names on the front.

I thought about going to Dean, asking to cash in on being my backup. But how could I do that? I’m not his responsibility, and Dahlia would hate sharing him.

This will be best for everyone.

I circle the twig bracelet he made me around my wrist. I’ve worn it every day since he gave it to me. Then I wrap my fingers around Cain’s hoodie, bring the material to my nose, and take a deep breath. I put it on the moment I got back. He might not be here, but I can pretend. I can take the comfort that his warmth and smell have always brought me.

One more deep breath, then I reach over and pull open a drawer. I slip my fingers inside and grab the note card I stuck at the top.

You will always be my Flower in the rain, C

I slip the note and letters into the hoodie pocket, then stand and take one last look in the mirror. Cain’s black hood envelops me in a cocoon, my blonde hair peeking out on both sides, falling in waves down past my middle.

“I can do this,” I whisper. I take a deep breath, then grab the chair and move it beneath the window. I step up, grab the bars, and wiggle. Cain left them loose for when he came back, asking me to go with him every night. I was foolish.

Setting the bars outside, I place my palms on the window and jump, heaving myself through the small frame. Grabbing the bars, I slip them back into place. Hopefully, they won’t notice I’m gone until morning.

I scan the area, turn toward the theater, and move toe-heel across the gravel until my feet hit the grass—then I run.

The chilled air bites my cheeks, a pain I’ve always enjoyed. A sign that winter is just around the corner. Soon, I would wake up to the world coated in frost, encasing me in my personal snowflake. In a matter of weeks, the ground and trees will be painted in my favorite color. The snow will drift over the town, inviting children and adults to rejoice.

I’ve always loved winter. Winter is beautiful.

I hit gravel and slow to a walk, stopping when I arrive at the mailbox at the end of Dean’s driveway. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the two envelopes, pressing each to my lips before placing them inside. Then I’m off again, straight to the woods.

Straight to the mountains.

White moonlight spills through the woodland corridors, as if fate itself had drawn back the darkness to guide my path.

My heart thunders against my chest, my lungs burning as I drag the cold air through my nose. I climb and climb without stopping, my breath forming little clouds as I rise into the mountain.

Almost there…

The bare twigs tug at my dress as I pass the threshold of the little clearing. As if nature is making one final attempt to stop me. But nothing can. It’s not that I want to, or that the difficult times are too much to bear.

It’s that I won’t live my life as a vegetable.

I look out through the natural window formed between the trees. The mountains at the skyline, the moon bringing peace to the night, bringing peace to me.

This isn’t such a bad way to go.